Download ArticleTake QuizDownload ArticleThis article was co-authored by Patti Novak Williams. Patti Novak Williams is a Professional Matchmaker in Las Vegas, Nevada. With over 20 years of experience, Patti specializes in working with clients one on one to help them find love. She has helped match hundreds of couples, engagements, and marriages. Patti was the star of the critically acclaimed A&E series “Confessions of a Matchmaker.” She has been featured in the New York Times, the New York Daily News, the New York Post, and The Wall Street Journal, and has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show, TODAY with Hoda and Kathy Lee, The Rachael Ray Show, CBS’ The Early Show, CNN, The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch, The Nate Berkus Show, and Fox’s The Morning Show With Mike & Juliet. Patti published a book in 2008 with Random House titled “Get Over Yourself!: How to Get Real, Get Serious, and Get Ready to Find True Love.”
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Are you a girl who has a real crush on another girl, but can't seem to get her to notice that you're interested? Don't worry, loads of girls have this problem. Sometimes you're uncomfortable with identifying yourself as gay, or don't want everyone to know just yet. Here are a few ways to show that you're interested.
Steps
Become comfortable around her. This is a crucial step in the process to being noticed. Make sure you aren't too shy or jumpy around her. This can be a major issue for some people who stutter or get nervous easily, but take your time. There's nothing to worry about.
Get to know her. This is a very important part of the relationship, but DON'T hurry or overdo this. Girls who have just been friends up to this point will not commonly think of another girl as a potential date. So start some small talk and give her some hints and some things to think about. Talk about school or business/work. Strike up a conversation, or work in a group, or on a project with her. She will look at you in different ways as she gets to know you better.[1]Advertisement
Drop a hint. These are a more subtle start, with you showing interest in her first. Also not to be overdone. See the sections on verbal and non-verbal hints.
Ask her. Come right out and ask if she's ever considered herself bisexual or been interested in a bisexual experience.
Cope with non-interest. There will be letdowns in your life, don't let one disappointment interfere with the rest of your life. If you've tried everything with no results, it's simply time for you to move on to the next experience with the next person. No hard feelings - not every pair is a match.
Tell a slightly inappropriate joke about gays or lesbians and watch for a reaction (don't get too nasty, you're just trying to gauge the response). What you're trying to do is determine if she's bigoted or has a negative feeling about gays in general, or if she seems to be okay with everything. Be sure the joke is funny so you both can laugh over it if there's just a neutral response from her.
Approach her often. Spur conversations in that direction (girls with girls) and let her know, "That sounds like fun." Or, the ever-popular, "I've never tried it but it doesn't sound bad".
Ask or tell about your current girlfriends. This requires you to come out and identify yourself as bisexual or lesbian.
Inquire if she has a girlfriend or if she's ever had one. If she corrects you ("You mean "boyfriend?"), then say "Oops - what did I say? Silly me." and smile.
Wink. If she ever glances at you, give her a wink.
Give her an engaging smile. If she tells a joke or asks you a touchy question, give a suggestive, maybe even a little mischievous smile. This one can be very effective.
Consider a hug. If you have the opportunity and it feels natural and not weird or forced, give her a hug. Make sure you hold it just a little longer than usual - don't wait till she's trying to peel you off her.
Touch her hand. If she puts her hand on the table or desk, and you're nearby, reach for the nearest object to her hand and intentionally brush your hand up against her hand, and hover for a second before blushing and grabbing the object. Watch her reaction carefully.
Community Q&A
- QuestionThis girl at work keeps on staring at me, but whenever I look at her she looks away. We always make eye contact and she gives me a smile and blushes, but she has a long-distance relationship with a boyfriend. I am confused; why is she staring at me, could she be bi? Or just friendly?
Moonmodule1998Top AnswererEither answer's possible. She could have a crush on you. She could also simply be shy, or friendly, as you said. She may want to be your friend, but is unsure how to approach you. The behavior you've noted does sound like the typical signs of a crush, but that doesn't mean you can be certain. Since she has a boyfriend and you're uncertain of her orientation, even if you do have some feelings for her, it probably wouldn't be a good idea to act on them. With a few obvious exceptions, for example, if she tells you she's in an open and/or polyamorous relationship. - QuestionWhat if the girl I like just thinks I'm being friendly and doesn't fully understand I'm a lesbian?
Community AnswerHint at it: make a joke about gays or recommend a gay movie or book. - QuestionIs it morally wrong to cause my friend to like me (she does but, feels guilty doing so) because we are in a religious institution where homosexuality isn't allowed?
Community AnswerNo, love is never morally wrong. The institution is in the wrong for establishing rules about who people can love and who they can be. You and your friend have nothing to feel guilty about.
Video
Comprehension Quiz
Tips
- If she seems freaked out by your flirting, don't push it. You don't want to ruin your friendship.Thanks
- Love yourself first. Be comfortable with your sexuality and make sure she knows you like girls.Thanks
- Be calm. A nice, soothing voice or interested demeanor goes a long way.Thanks
Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about dating, check out our in-depth interview with Patti Novak Williams.
References
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Reader Success Stories
"Very helpful. I'm new to my school (I'm in high school), and I've had a lot of bad middle school experiences with these kinds of things - mainly when it comes to being too nervous or awkward around my crush and waiting way too long to ask her out. Thanks!"..." more
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