How to Get Closure from a Relationship

Gaining a sense of closure on a past relationship can be challenging, especially when you are no longer speaking to your ex or comfortable being around your ex. Though getting over a relationship takes time, you can move forward by creating distance between you and the relationship, focusing on processing your emotions, and planning for a future without the relationship.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Creating Distance Between You and the Relationship

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Remove all physical reminders of the relationship from your space. To get over a relationship and feel a sense of closure, it’s essential that you give yourself the physical and emotional distance to move on. If you are surrounded by sentimental objects that remind you of the past relationship, you should pack them up and place them somewhere hidden or give them back to your ex. Sometimes, ridding your space of reminders of the relationship can make it that much easier to work to a sense of closure.^{[1]XResearch source}
- You may want to integrate the physical reminders of the relationship into a letting go ritual, where you process your emotions by throwing away the objects or leaving them somewhere far from your space. This can act as a symbolic act and help you move forward from the relationship.
If you are having difficulties living in the shared space you had when you were in your relationship, you may want to consider moving to another apartment or moving your possessions into another room in your home. Claiming a new living space for yourself, post break up, can help you to move one step closer to closure.
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Cut off contact with your ex. If you are still in contact with your ex, you may want to take a break so you can get some emotional distance from the break up. Though you may be tempted to answer your ex’s calls or texts, try to ignore them. You can also send your ex a short message explaining that you need time to process the break up and get closure on your own.^{[2]XResearch source}
- You may think that by talking to your ex you can get closure on the relationship. But often, speaking to your ex or spending time with your ex will only lead to more confused and hurt feelings. Detaching from your ex emotionally will likely mean spending time away from that person so you can focus on your needs.
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Set boundaries with your ex if you have to be around each other. Maybe you work with your ex or share a common area where you cannot simply cut off contact completely. To help get a sense of closure on the relationship, you should sit down with your ex and set boundaries. This could mean agreeing to no emailing or texting each other beyond work related issues, and agreeing to be civil to each other in the workplace.^{[3]XResearch source}
- You may also ask your ex to give you space and agree to not have direct contact with you for a period of several months. Giving each other space can really help with closure. You may say, "I think it might be best for us to not talk to each other and give each other some space. Would you be okay with setting a boundary where we do not contact each other for a few months?"

Part 2

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Processing Your Emotions

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Write a goodbye letter to your ex. Writing down your thoughts and emotions can be a good way to process them and move one step closer to getting over your ex. Sit down and write down how you are feeling about the break up, but be sure to address your ex directly when you write. Note any feelings of confusion, loss, and anger you are experiencing as well as your thoughts on why the break up occurred.^{[4]XResearch source}
- Once you have finished the letter, you can even put it in an envelope and seal it. Then, place it in a drawer or in a safe place for a time when you will be ready to read it without getting upset or angry. The act of writing the letter will be more important than actually sending the letter to your ex.This simple act can help you to gain a better sense of closure.
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Do a letting go ritual. Though you may not be superstitious or believe in rituals, doing a letting go ritual can help you feel better about the end of the relationship. This could be a simple act, like lighting a candle and letting it burn until you feel you have closure on the relationship. Or, you could do a more drastic ritual and burn personal possessions or objects that remind you of the relationship in a small fire.
- It can also help to bury an object that represents the past relationship as a way of letting go. This could be a photograph of you and your ex or an object that has sentimental value to both of you. You should dig a hole and physically bury the object as a ritual to symbolize closure.
Getting creative during an emotional upheaval can be a good way to process your feelings and distract yourself from them. Put your emotions into something creative, like painting or drawing. Write a poem about your feelings, make a sculpture, or take some photographs. Even if you never show the creative piece to anyone, the mere effort of doing it can help you feel better and bring you closer to a sense of closure.
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Do self care. After a break up, it is important that you focus on your needs. This will help you deal with the emotions you are experiencing and allow you to put your attentions towards yourself, rather than the break up.
- Do at least one self care act a day, such as taking a long bath, making yourself a healthy breakfast, or going for a run in your favorite area. Self care can also remind you of the important things in your life and the value of taking time to focus on yourself. Nurturing yourself can be a good way to take your mind off the break up and work towards closure.
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Talk to friends and family about your emotions. Avoid bottling up your emotions and allow yourself to speak about the break up to others. Be vocal about how you are feeling and your journey to processing the break up. Lean on close family and friends and do not be afraid to seek out their support when you need it.^{[5]XResearch source}
- This may mean having weekly check ins with a close friend where you talk about how you are feeling and any emotions you are struggling with. You may also make it a habit to visit your parents on the weekends as a way to get outside of your emotions and connect with those close to you.
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Speak to a professional therapist or counselor. It may also be useful to speak to a professional therapist about your emotions, especially if you do not want to burden your friends and family all the time with your thoughts and are looking for professional guidance.
- A good therapist will listen and support you. She should also help you develop coping mechanisms for your emotional needs and work with you to gain a sense of closure on your past relationship.
Forgiveness can be an essential part of letting go and getting closure on a relationship. But truly forgiving someone can take time so do not try to rush this step. Instead, take some time to work through your emotions and open yourself up to forgiving your ex for anything you may still be mad or upset about. Over time, you may find you can forgive your ex and move past the relationship.

Part 3

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Focusing on the Future

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Set new personal goals. One of the most effective ways to get closure on a relationship is to focus on your immediate future. This means setting new personal goals, with deadlines on when you will need to achieve them. Make a list of reasonable personal goals and try to get out of your comfort zone. Forcing yourself to try new things will allow you to grow as a person and move away from memories of the past.^{[6]XResearch source}
- Your personal goals list should be specific and manageable. You may set fitness goals, like losing a certain amount of weight or eating at least four home cooked meals a week, and you may set grander goals with trying new things in mind, such as going on a hike for the first time or learning to play a musical instrument.
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Build a new social group. Though you do not need to trade in your old friends and should in fact lean on old friends, building a new social group can help to rejuvenate you after your break up. This may be a good move if you and your ex shared a similar friend group as this will allow you to put further distance between the two of you.^{[7]XResearch source}
- You may seek out new people by joining a recreational sports team or a club. You may also meet new people by taking up a new hobby or by joining a social club.
Changing your everyday scenery can also shake you out of your emotions and help you gain closure on your past relationship. Rather than take your usual running route, try a new route in a different area, or make dinner plans with a friend at a restaurant you’ve never tried before. Take yourself out of your comfort zone and look for new experiences simply by choosing a different route to work or a new place to hang out.
For a major change of scenery, you may want to book a solo retreat where you have time to focus on your needs and be away from any reminders of your past relationship. Maybe you finally book the trip to Japan you always wanted to take and explore a new country on your own. Time in a new environment can act as a useful distraction and allow you the space necessary to get a sense of closure.