Fix a Rushed Relationship and Slow Down with These 10 Steps

While diving headfirst into a new relationship can be exciting, moving too quickly can put a strain on both you and your partner. If you’ve already rushed into things a little too fast, it’s okay! There are a few simple ways you can take a step back and slow things down. Keep reading to learn how you can fix your rushed relationship without hurting your partner’s feelings.

This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach, John Keegan, founder of The Awakened Lifestyle. Check out the full interview here.

1

Set clear boundaries.

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Let your partner know that things are moving a little too quickly. Tell them how much time you need to spend on your own and how long you’d like to be dating before you jump into major decisions. Stay firm on your boundaries, and don’t let your partner talk you into something you don’t want to do.^{[1]XResearch source}
- For instance, you might tell your partner that you want to be dating for at least 1 year before moving in together.
- Or, you might tell them that you need 3 nights to yourself every week to rest and recharge.

2

Define your relationship.

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Sit down with your partner and talk about what you’re doing. If you haven’t put a label on the relationship, now’s the time. Committing to each other and being exclusive might help you feel more secure in your relationship, which can stop you from rushing into things too quickly.^{[2]XResearch source}
- Approach your partner by saying something like, “Could we talk about what we’re doing here? I really like you, and I just want to make sure we’re on the same page.”

3

Take more time away from each other.

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Spend more time alone and less time together. Instead of planning multiple dates in a week, try to hang out with your partner once or twice, then stay home on your own. It’s fine to hang out together, but you should take some time for yourself, too. Spending too much time together too quickly can rush things, and it might blur your own boundaries a bit.^{[3]XExpert SourceJohn Keegan
Dating CoachExpert Interview. 29 June 2021.}
- For instance, you might spend 3 to 4 days on your own and plan 2 date nights every week.
- Oftentimes, relationships are rushed because you dive into spending every day together. While this might be fun for now, it’s actually not super healthy in the long run.

4

Have deep, meaningful conversations.

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Get to know each other’s hopes, dreams, and fears. Spend time with your partner just talking, and ask them deep questions to learn more about them. This is especially important if you two rushed into a physical relationship and don’t know much about each other. Try questions like:^{[4]XExpert SourceJohn Keegan
Dating CoachExpert Interview. 29 June 2021.}
- “What’s your dream job?”
- “What’s your favorite childhood memory?”
- “Who are you closest to in your family?”
- “If you could live anywhere, where would it be?”
Mira Kirshenbaum, Relationship Therapist and Bestselling Author
Rushing into intimacy and commitment often stems from an attempt to fill our own inner voids. When working to fix a rushed relationship, reflect first on what needs were not being met that drove you to dive in hastily. Then communicate openly with your partner about rediscovering your pace. Move slowly, keep perspective, and determine if you can rebuild trust and understanding. If not, part with compassion.

Quiz

How.com.vn Quiz: Am I Ready For A Relationship?

Relationships offer fun, comfort, and companionship, but how do you know when you’re ready to commit? By waiting until you’re truly ready, you’re allowing yourself to be the best partner possible. To find out if you’re finally ready for a relationship, take our quiz!

1 of 12

What do you look for in a partner?

Someone who brings joy to my life.

I guess I’m not sure yet?

Let me pull out my list. I have about 20 specific requirements.

As long as they’re hotter than my ex was, I’m good.

5

Go out on real dates together.

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Invite your partner to the museum or on a picnic. Spend time out in the world together where you can get to know each other more. There’s no set timeline for how often you should go out on dates, but once or twice a week is a good place to start.^{[5]XExpert SourceJohn Keegan
Dating CoachExpert Interview. 29 June 2021.}
- Try to take turns planning dates so both of you get to pick and choose.
- When people get comfortable with each other, they sometimes fall into a routine of chilling at home or not doing much at all. While this is fine every once in a while, it’s nice to go out with your partner, too.

6

Just enjoy your time together.

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Try not to set your expectations too high. Instead of worrying about or planning for your future, try to be mindful of the present moment, and enjoy spending time with your partner right now. The more you can sit back and relax into your relationship, the better it will feel.^{[6]XExpert SourceJohn Keegan
Dating CoachExpert Interview. 29 June 2021.}
- This can be a little tough to do, especially if you’re an overthinker. You can practice mindfulness to stay in the present moment by noticing little things that make you happy. For instance, maybe your partner bought you flowers. Focus on how good they smell, how nice they look, and how grateful you are for your partner.

7

Keep up with your own interests.

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Hang out with your friends and do your own hobbies. People can sometimes get lost in a new relationship, especially if it’s moving fast. Make sure you’re keeping up with your own friends and doing things you like to do! Otherwise, you might end up putting your life on pause for your significant other.^{[7]XExpert SourceJohn Keegan
Dating CoachExpert Interview. 29 June 2021.}
- Your friends will appreciate it if you still make an effort to hang out with them, even when you’re in a new relationship.

8

Try not to text them 24/7.

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Staying in constant contact can push you to rush things. Instead, save most of your communication for when you two are together in person. It’s fine to text them every now and then to see how they’re doing or what their day is like, but save the deep, personal discussions for your next date. That way, you’ll get to have some time alone for yourself, and you’ll also form a deeper and more meaningful bond with your partner.^{[8]XResearch source}
- You can bring this up to your partner by saying, “I love talking to you, but I’d rather do it in person. Is it okay if we limit our texting a little bit?”
- Try texting only about logistics, like when you’re coming over or what time your partner is picking you up. That way, you aren’t having full conversations via text.

9

Don’t commit to any major life plans yet.

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Give yourself some time together without any added stress. While it’s fun to think about living together, moving to a different city, or getting married, there’s plenty of time for that in the future. Stick to simply dating each other and having a good time for now until you know each other a little better.^{[9]XResearch source}
- If you’ve already made some major life decisions with your partner, that’s okay. Try not to make any more until you’ve slowed the relationship down a little bit and you’re certain about what you want.

10

Break up with your partner if you need to.

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Remember that breaking up with them is always an option. Even if you’ve committed wholeheartedly or moved super quickly, you can back out of your relationship at any time. If you notice some red flags or issues you don’t think you can fix, it might be time to call it quits.^{[10]XResearch source}
- People often reveal their true colors after a few months of being together. If your partner starts turning into someone you don’t really like, it might be time to go your separate ways.
- If you can’t talk to each other without arguing, if your partner pushes your boundaries, or if you realize you’re just not compatible, it might not be a good relationship.

Expert Q&A

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Question
How do you slow down a relationship without ending it?
John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Answer
Try to space out the time that you spend together. Instead of meeting up every day or other day, agree to meet once every 4-5 days, or even once a week.
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Question
Why is it good to take a relationship slow?
John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Answer
Slowing down your relationship gives your hormones time to slow down, too. As you slow down your relationship, your hormones will be more regulated, which will help you think and feel more clearly.
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Question
Can FWB turn into a real relationship?
John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Answer
Try to turn your relationship into a dating experience. Invite them on official, get-to-know-you types of dates instead of just partying and hooking up.
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