This article was co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC and by How.com.vn staff writer, Dev Murphy, MA. Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources.
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All relationships go through tough times now and again, and while marriage counseling may help couples who are dedicated to improving their relationship, spouses on the brink of separating may not find traditional couples counseling beneficial. This is where discernment counseling comes in. Discernment counseling is a specific type of short-term therapy for couples considering divorce. To learn more about this unique form of counseling, keep reading: we’ve created a thorough guide to discernment counseling, from what it’s for, to how it works, to what to expect from your first session.
Things You Should Know
- Discernment counseling is short-term counseling to help couples decide whether to break up or stay together.
- The goal of discernment counseling is not to save the marriage, but to help each partner understand the problems in their marriage and whether they want to save it.
- There are 3 outcomes to discernment counseling: couples will divorce, stay together, or postpone making a decision and commit to 6 months of couples therapy.
Steps
Benefits of Discernment Counseling
- Discernment counseling can help couples overcome past offenses. Couples may use discernment counseling to discuss subjects that are difficult to face. For instance, if a relationship is struggling because of infidelity, resentment, or just a general feeling of having grown apart, a couple may find closure in discernment counseling.[3]
- It can strengthen a couple’s relationship. Couples who decide to stay in their marriage after discernment counseling usually do so with better communication skills and greater appreciation for one another.[4] Discernment counseling can help couples develop a plan for saving their relationship and perhaps navigating future problems.
- Couples may learn to understand one another, even if they disagree. Through discernment counseling, couples will work to understand their own role in the current state of their relationship as well as their partner’s perspective on their relationship. Even if a “leaning-in” partner and a “leaning-out” partner ultimately end up divorcing, discernment counseling may at least help them break up amicably (or neutrally).[5]
- Discernment counseling may be especially helpful for couples with children who will still need to be in one another’s life after divorcing. Couples with children who attend discernment counseling prior to divorce report being appreciative of their time in therapy and greater co-parental cooperation after divorcing.[6]
- It may help couples gain greater self-awareness. Whether a couple stays together after discernment counseling or divorces, the individual partners will likely have gained a more acute understanding of their own behavior, motivation, and needs. This enhanced self-awareness may make it easier to heal from a divorce and for each partner to feel more confident in the decision to break up.
- The self-awareness gleaned through discernment counseling may also leave partners better equipped to engage in healthier romantic relationships in the future.[7]
How Do You Know If You Need Marriage Counseling?
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Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about marriage counseling, check out our in-depth interview with Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC.
References
- ↑ https://innovation.umn.edu/mncouplesonthebrink/whatisdiscernment/
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7894569/
- ↑ https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdfdirect/10.1111/jmft.12132
- ↑ https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdfdirect/10.1111/jmft.12132
- ↑ https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdfdirect/10.1111/jmft.12132
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7894569/
- ↑ https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdfdirect/10.1111/jmft.12132
- ↑ https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdfdirect/10.1111/jmft.12132
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