Download ArticleDownload ArticleThis article was co-authored by Tasha Rube, LMSW. Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.
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Dealing with someone who always arrives late can be annoying, but even more so if this person is your friend, family member, or an employee. You might feel that if you can make it on time to things, that other should be able to do the same. However, lashing out or being passive aggressive will not solve the issue. You can deal with your late friends or employees by having an honest talk, setting limitations, and managing your own time well.
Steps
Make plans that don’t depend on them. If you are throwing a birthday party, don’t have them bring the cake. If you will need a ride somewhere, ask another person who is more punctual.
Tell them an earlier time. If you need them to arrive somewhere at 6PM, and they are typically more than two hours late, tell them to be there by 4PM. Be aware that should they actually arrive at 4PM, they will be upset with you for misleading them.[1]- If they are upset, explain your reasoning in telling them the earlier time. Tell them that this event was time sensitive and you were afraid they would be late.
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Help them if they are in need. If this person is late because they have a disability, are elderly, or have small children, don’t punish them. Instead, go over to assist them so they can be on time. Offer to pick them up if you are able.
Go with the flow when you can. Sometimes, being on time is not always important. Who cares if you show up 30 minutes late to the party? And so what if you’re a bit later than expected for a beach outing. Pick your battles when the schedule is flexible.[2]
Use waiting time productively. The person who is late might be someone who you cannot avoid waiting on, like your boss. Find something to do to occupy your time so that you won’t be fretting over their lateness. Send emails, read a book, or catch up on any other work.[3]
Use extra time to relax. If you are always waiting for your spouse to get ready, but are in no particular rush, use this time to do something for yourself. Watch a show you’re behind on, read a magazine, or call and catch up with a friend.
Talk in private. If this person is rarely late, consider letting it slide, but if it is more regular, a conversation is necessary. Once you notice a pattern of lateness, pull your employee or friend to the side to chat. The next time they are late, sit them down away from others to chat.[4]
Voice your concerns. Let them know how their lateness makes you feel. Tell them that your time is valuable, but you often find yourself waiting around on them. Ask them if they can be on time in the future or let you know well in advance if they’ll be late.[5]- Say “When you’re late for these events, it’s really frustrating for me. When we go to the movies or to a show, we never get to see the whole thing and that’s unfair. Can you work on being on time in the future?”
Listen and make exceptions when necessary. Stay completely focused during this conversation. Stay off your phone and computer. Your employee or friend may be dealing with something difficult at home that is affecting their sleep and making them late to work or events. Work out a temporary schedule when necessary to accommodate this person if they are your employee.[6]- For instance, you might allow them to come in late and stay later, as well. Give them a two week limit on this type of schedule so that other employees do not get jealous.
Set a limit on how long you’ll wait. You may have waited an hour or longer for this person to meet you somewhere in the past. Let them know that from now on you will wait no longer than thirty minutes for them. Stick to your rule and go home or invite someone else if you have tickets to something.[7]
Model punctuality. If you are working to encourage your employees or friends to be punctual, be sure always arrive on time each. When possible, arrive ten to fifteen minutes early. If you are regularly late, it will be harder for others to show up on time.
Set consequences. If this person is late for no clear reason or if they continue to show up late after giving them chances, begin enforcing consequences. With your employees, you might write them up the next time they are late and make them aware that more than three write-ups could result in termination.[8]- With friends, you might refuse to go with them to time sensitive events like concerts or movies.
- 4Try a less direct approach. Talking with someone who is chronically late and setting boundaries with consequences doesn’t work with everyone. Other approaches you could take include:
- Give your friend an earlier start time than everyone else. For example, if you are having a party, then you could give your friend a special invitation that specifies a start time 15 to 30 minutes earlier than everyone else’s invitation.
- Avoid inviting your friend to time sensitive events. Stick to activities where time is not an issue.
- Don’t do anything. Another option is to simply let your friend be late and allow them to deal with the consequences of that. For example, if you have a dinner party and your friend arrives late, then the might be naturally embarrassed if everyone is already there and halfway through the meal.
Show appreciation when they are on time. When they implement the constructive feedback that you provide them, tell them that you are grateful. Let them know that you have noticed their punctuality.[9]
Distance yourself if they are being a bad friend. If this person is missing major milestones in your life, then are they really a friend? If they are late for your wedding, graduation, or events for your children, then this person might not be a good friend to you. You don’t necessarily need to cut off the friendship, but spend less time together and share less details about your life.[10]- If they are your employee, then it might be time to fire them.
Expert Q&A
Tips
- Be nice. People aren't usually late on purpose. Chances are they know they have a problem and know it annoys you.Thanks
- See it as an opportunity to take your time. Isn't there something kind of nice about not having to rush out of the house to meet someone? Consider the advantages of having a friend who runs late-- you can be late too. Grab a coffee, catch up on the news, send those last minute emails or take a few moments to yourself.Thanks
- Suggest a second time limit and if they are late again, then explain why you were considerate about them being late, but aren't willing to wait any longer.Thanks
References
- ↑ https://etiquettejulie.com/friend-late/
- ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/unreliable
- ↑ https://together.stjude.org/en-us/for-families/ways-to-pass-time.html
- ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/247065
- ↑ https://etiquettejulie.com/friend-late/
- ↑ https://www.themuse.com/advice/never-on-time-how-to-handle-a-perpetually-late-employee
- ↑ https://etiquettejulie.com/friend-late/
- ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/247065
- ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/247065
About This Article
It can be frustrating and inconvenient when someone is always late, but there are ways to deal with them. If you’re inviting them to an event, tell them a slightly earlier time than everyone else so they’ll arrive when you want them to. Don’t rely on them for anything important, like bringing the cake or presentation slides, in case they’re late. If you’re stuck waiting around for them, use your time productively by checking your emails, catching up on work, or reading a book. If their lateness is causing you problems, ask them politely to be on time and explain why it’s inconvenient for you. Try not to get frustrated with them, since they might have good reasons for being late. For more tips from our co-author, including how to discipline an employee who’s always late, read on!
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