How to Communicate More in Times of Stress

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1Improving Communication Overall

2Improving Communication at Work

3Improving Communication with Family

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It can be difficult to communicate effectively during stressful times. However, being able to communicate more often and well will allow you to manage the stressful situation better and help others deal with it, too. If you can ensure you’re calm, learn to listen well, be clear and honest, and avoid blaming, you’ll be able to communicate better during stressful situations both professionally and at home.

Steps

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Improving Communication Overall

1. 
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   Check-in with yourself. In stressful times, you’ll want to know your triggers and make sure you’re relatively calm before communicating with others. If you’re too angry or too distracted, you may shut down and not listen to others as well or say what you mean. Check in with your body for these clues to see if you’re too stressed to talk:

   • Muscle tightness
   • Stomach ache
   • Clenched fists
   • Rapid or shallow breathing
   • Flushed face
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   Try to get calm. If you notice any clues in your body that you're too stressed to interact with others, try to get calm first. Practices like meditation, yoga, and deep breathing may help with stress management long-term, but might not be easy to implement in the moment if you feel like you're in the middle of a crisis. For quick stress relief, try to engage or focus in on one of your senses. By focusing in on a sensory experience, you'll feel more calm and reinvigorated to face the problem at hand. For example, you might try:

   • Rubbing your neck and shoulders.
   • Petting your dog.
   • Lighting a favorite candle.
   • Sipping a warm decaffeinated beverage.
   • Going for a short walk.
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   Pause to think. You should also give yourself some time to calm down your thoughts before communicating with others. It’s important you’ve thought through what you need to say in order to get your points across to others well. This is particularly important during times of stress or crisis, when people may be more emotional, impatient, or prone to misunderstand you.
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   Be clear and concise. Be specific about what you need or about what the problem is. Do not get off track and bring up more than one point at a time, or you'll confuse the other person. Try to speak with an even, clear tone of voice in order to get your point across more effectively and avoid upsetting who you're with.

   • You can say, "I need to talk about how we spend our money now that I've lost my job. I am worried about spending too much and wanted to brainstorm with you what we could do differently. Can we talk about this?"
5. 
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   Learn to listen actively. If you want to communicate effectively when you're stressed, you’ll need to learn to listen well, too. To truly listen, you’ll need to try to understand both the words and emotions behind what someone is saying. Listening well will actually lower stress for both of you and leave you both feeling like you understand each other. To listen well, you should:

   • Avoid checking your phone or looking at other things while they’re talking.
   • Avoid interrupting.
   • Nod, smile, or say “yes” periodically to show you’re following along.
   • Reflect back what they said to make sure you understand.
6. 
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   Be nice. Being nice and showing empathy toward others will improve communication. You don’t have to agree with everything they say or feel, but try to put yourself in the other person’s position to understand them better. Some patterns of communication that are not nice and that you should avoid include:

   • Judging
   • Criticizing
   • Blaming
   • Name-calling
   • Telling someone how they “should” feel
7. 
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   Try being more assertive. Being assertive is essential to communicating well with others, but does not mean you have to be mean. When you assert yourself, you're able to calmly and honestly express your needs, as well as listen to and respect what others need. To be more assertive, remember to:

   • Value your own opinions, needs, and wants just as much as anyone else's.
   • Say "no" and stick to your limits.
   • Ask for help and feedback.
   • Recognize and seek clarity on the other person's needs or emotions.
8. 
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   Negotiate a compromise. Sometimes in order to reduce stress for everyone you’ll have to reach a compromise. A compromise may be especially useful and beneficial to you and your relationship with the other person if the other person is more passionate about their point of view. Compromising shows that you've been listening, that you care, and that you're invested enough to work with the other person to find a solution that you both can live with.

   • For example, you can say, "Maybe I am being overly concerned about our spending. I'd be willing to cut down my spending on going out to eat and going to the movies, if you'd be willing to spend some time with me helping to budget for and plan meals. What do you think?"
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   Pay attention to your non-verbals. Make sure that your nonverbal behavior, including body language and tone of voice, matches with what you’re saying. Adjust your tone of voice so that you’re not yelling and making the other person scared, uncomfortable, or more stressed. Some other non-verbals you should pay attention to are:

   • Pacing
   • Clutching objects
   • Crossing your arms tightly
   • Making poor eye contact
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Improving Communication at Work

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   Be clear about changes and expectations. When a crisis or stressful situation occurs at work, make sure everyone is clear about any new roles or responsibilities they have. Keep your coworkers and employees updated about any changes as you hear them, rather than allowing rumors and stress to build. Give your staff space to ask questions and air grievances about changing expectations and responsibilities.
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   Resolve conflicts quickly. You might not be able to put out every fire at work, but try to resolve any conflicts that arise as quickly as possible, particularly during times of stress. This will ensure people feel safe and cared for at work. This will also show that their concerns are valid and answered.
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   Be encouraging of others. Encourage coworkers and employees to contribute suggestions to how the workplace could be changed. Encourage your coworkers and employees to pay attention to their emotional needs, particularly if they are getting too stressed at work. You can also be encouraging by:

   • Recognizing that everyone has limitations.
   • Providing training and skills-building opportunities.
   • Taking time to listen to and help people define their goals.
4. 
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   Make work a safe place. Keep a work environment as safe as possible at all times, but especially during times of crisis and stress. This will help everyone feel cared for and will help to minimize the stress load. Some ways you can make work a safer place include:

   • Encourage taking breaks or time off.
   • Ensure adequate lighting and a clean environment.
   • Establish quiet areas where workers can have some respite from noisy or stressful conditions.
   • Provide opportunities for workers to get counseling if needed.
   • Allow more inexperienced workers to have a more experienced worker or “buddy” they can reach out to for support.
5. 
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   Hold regular meetings. To reduce stress, hold regular meetings with your staff or coworkers. Make time to solve problems, build up your team, and recognize everyone’s accomplishments.

   • Keep in mind not to have wasteful or unproductive meetings, which can make the situation more stressful and communication worse. To keep meetings on track, you can set a time limit, have three clear objectives for the meeting, and use the last 10-15 minutes of the meeting for answering questions and clarifying expectations.
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Improving Communication with Family

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   Make family meetings a tradition. Before and during times of stress, whether it’s something stressful occurring within the family or within the larger community, holding regular family meetings is an easy way for each family member to have time to share their concerns. Holding family meetings builds trust and allows a safe space for each member to get support. Successful ways to plan family meetings include:

   • Make the first part of the meeting fun and encouraging before moving into serious topics.
   • Keep the meeting brief.
   • Make everyone feel welcome to join the meeting, but don’t force them to come.
   • Let everyone have a turn speaking.
   • Come to a consensus or compromise based on what everyone can agree to.
2. 
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   Avoid blame. Avoid placing blame or using judgmental language toward your family members. Avoid statements that begin with “you,” which can sound like you’re accusing your family member of something. Instead, try expressing yourself with “I” statements. These statements look like:

   • Name your feeling, “I feel…”
   • Name the situation, “when you…”
   • Explain how their behavior affected you, “because…”
   • Ask what you need in the future, “would you please…?”
3. 
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   Cool off when you need to. Know what your stress signals are and when things are getting too heated between family members to keep talking. Make sure you take a break when communication is too difficult, otherwise you might get trapped in blaming or criticizing other family members and not really listening to them. Take a break to do something fun or relaxing to reset.

   • You can say, “I think we all need to take a break for 15 minutes and come back to this later. Why don’t we go outside and play with the dog?”
   • You can also try introducing a talking stick. Only the person holding the talking stick can speak, and everyone else has to listen. Take turns passing around the stick.
4. 
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   Check in for understanding. Don’t ever assume that you’re understanding what the other person is saying without checking in with them first. Checking in will help to avoid misunderstanding. You can ask:

   • “What did you mean when you said…?”
   • “Did you mean/say…?”
   • “You feel___. Did I understand that right?”
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   Reassure your family. Especially if you have young children, it’s important to focus on the positive and be confident. State your assurance in your family’s ability to make it through the stressful time/situation. Help your kids and other family members focus on the positive things that are going well. Remind them of everyone’s unique personal strengths and contributions to the family. Make sure they know you’re sticking together as a team.
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Tips

• Communication during high stress times or in high stress in environments may be more difficult because people tend to have more difficulty hearing, processing, and understanding information in those contexts.
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• Establish trust and show that you care, otherwise the other person may have more difficulty believing you.
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• Try to keep other changes to a minimum during times of stress, particularly for your children.
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