How to Be a Nice Guy

Being a nice guy isn't difficult at all; you just need to be mindful about treating others the same way you would like to be treated. Being nice will make other people like you more, and it will make you feel much better about yourself. Unfortunately, there are some negative stereotypes associated with nice guys, so you may have to work a little harder if you want to be a nice guy who is also highly successful.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Projecting Nice Guy Energy to Others

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1
Offer to help others. Helpfulness is one of the hallmarks of a nice guy. Look for ways that you can be more helpful to everyone around you, and remember that even small gestures are appreciated.^{[1]XResearch source}
- Pay attention to how your friends and loved ones are feeling. If they seem overwhelmed by something, always offer to help them in whatever way you can. For example, if your mom is stressed out about a party she is hosting, offer to help clean the house or pick up the groceries she needs.
- Help people you don't know as well. You can do this by volunteering for charitable organizations, or even just by helping a stranger pick up a stack of papers that he dropped in the hallway.
- Don't expect to get anything in return. Kindness is often repaid, but your goal should not be to be rewarded for your helpfulness.
2
Be a great listener. Nice guys take the time to really listen when someone is talking to them. The next time you're having a conversation with someone, be sure to listen attentively and respond in a meaningful way.
- Avoid distractions that might make the other person think you're not listening. Always put your phone away when you're having a conversation and maintain eye contact to show that you are fully engaged.
- Don't interrupt people, even if you think you know what they're about to say. Always let them finish talking before you share your thoughts.
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3
Be grateful. Nice guys always express gratitude when other people do nice things for them. No matter how big or small the gesture, always say thank you when someone else does something nice for you.
- Consider doing something nice in return. For example, if a friend surprised you with concert tickets, consider treating her to lunch the next time you see her.
- Be grateful to people you don't know too. If a stranger holds the elevator for you, for example, be sure to thank her.
4
Smile and laugh. Happiness is contagious and it makes people want to spend time with you. The happier you are, the nicer you will be perceived by others, so make an effort to smile and laugh a little more each day.
- Always smile when you see somebody, whether you know them or not. Your smile might just make someone else's day a lot brighter.
- Smiling and laughing will also make you feel happier, which will make it much easier to be nice to other people. In addition, it will help other people have more fun when they're around you.^{[2]XExpert SourceJT Tran
  Dating CoachExpert Interview. 5 May 2020.}
5
Be honest. People do not like liars, so it's very important to be open and honest with everyone. This includes never pretending to be someone you're not, even if you think it will make people like you more.^{[3]XResearch source}
- While it's important to tell the truth, be sure to consider how the truth might hurt someone else's feelings, and always weigh the pros and cons before you say something potentially hurtful. For example, it may be a good idea to tell a friend that his girlfriend is cheating on him, but it's probably not a good idea to tell him that you think his shoes are ugly (unless he asks).
- If you have already lied to someone, consider coming clean and telling the truth. It will take a lot of weight off of your shoulders, and the other person will probably appreciate your honesty.
6
Treat everyone with respect. Nice guys should treat everyone respectfully. Start paying particular attention to the way you treat people, whether they're strangers, friends, or loved ones, to make sure that you're not being unintentionally offensive.^{[4]XResearch source}
- Avoid using diminutives like "babe" or "hun" with friends and acquaintances. Many women find these terms belittling (although they may be acceptable if you're in a relationship with the woman).
- Avoid talking about women's bodies. This can make them feel uncomfortable and objectified, even if you're being complimentary.
- If you're in a relationship, never pressure a woman to do something she's not ready for.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Feeling Like a Nicer Person

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1
Stay calm. Nice guys are not hotheads, so if you have a problem with anger, you need to start working on it. Getting rid of anger will not only help others perceive you as a nice guy, but it will also help you feel much happier.^{[5]XResearch source}
- Yoga and meditation can help you calm your mind and release stress, so consider incorporating these into your routine if you need more calmness in your life.
2
Learn to forgive. In order to feel like a nice guy, it's important that you not hold on to grudges. No matter how badly another person has hurt you, make the decision to forgive instead of seeking vengeance.^{[6]XResearch source}
- Forgiving does not necessarily mean that you need to accept the harmful action as acceptable; it simply means that you need to make the decision to not let the action affect you any longer.^{[7]XResearch source}
- Forgiving is easier if you can start to think about the person who harmed you as a good person who did a bad thing, instead of villainizing the individual.^{[8]XResearch source}
3
Think about how others feel. Nice guys are not self-centered, which means that they are always aware of how their words and actions will affect others. If you want to be nicer, be sure to always take other people's feelings into consideration.^{[9]XResearch source}
- The most successful nice guys consider how others think, how they feel, and how they are likely to act. This helps them engage with others in a way that is both kind and effective.
- When you think about how others feel, being polite and respectful should come naturally. If you think that something you say or do might be offensive to another person, don't do it.^{[10]XResearch source}
4
Trust that you are a good person. No one is perfect all the time, and it can be easy to think that you are a bad person just because you lashed out at someone or did something else that you're not proud of. Unfortunately, thinking that you are a bad person makes you more likely to act like a bad person in the future, so it's extremely important that you don't judge yourself too harshly.^{[11]XResearch source}
- The next time you do something that you're ashamed of, remind yourself that you are a good person who did something bad and that you will try not to do that bad thing again. Do not fall into the trap of believing that one bad action is a reflection of who you are as a person.
- Keep in mind that feeling guilty about doing a bad thing is an indication that you really are a good person. If you were a bad person, you wouldn't feel guilty at all.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Being a Nice Guy Who Gets Ahead

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1
Be confident and assertive. People sometimes make the false assumption that nice guys are timid and insecure, so you need to prove them wrong! This means overcoming shyness, if this is a problem for you, and standing up for yourself if people are taking advantage of you.^{[12]XResearch source}
- Just because you're a nice guy does not mean that you have to let people walk all over you. If someone treats you badly, don't be afraid to let them know that it is unacceptable. People generally appreciate when someone can stand up for their opinion and what they believe in, even if they disagree.^{[13]XExpert SourceJT Tran
  Dating CoachExpert Interview. 5 May 2020.}
- Being outgoing, social, and self-confident can help you be a nice guy without all of the negative associations.
- Learn to be comfortable being yourself, no matter who you're around. Don't feel like you need to filter everything you say because you don't feel comfortable expressing who you really are—that can make you seem nervous or even fake.^{[14]XExpert SourceJT Tran
  Dating CoachExpert Interview. 5 May 2020.}
2
Don't give too much. Helping others is great, but if you help others so much that you begin to neglect yourself, you've gone too far. Try to find a balance between taking care of others and taking care of yourself.^{[15]XResearch source}
- It's okay to say no to others if you feel that you are over-committed. Being a nice guy does not mean helping everyone with everything all the time, but rather helping people whenever you are reasonably able to.
- Being too generous can also make people see you as a poor leader. If you want to be a strong leader, you may need to be careful about how much you are willing to give to others.^{[16]XResearch source}
3
Don't be boring. For some reason, people often assume that nice guys are dull, inexperienced, and uninteresting. This is a completely false stereotype, so show everyone around you that you are both nice and interesting.^{[17]XResearch source}
- Develop unique hobbies or travel to interesting places. This will give you plenty of fascinating things to talk about, so people will never think you're boring.
- Do something unpredictable every so often, whether it's going on a last-minute road trip or trying a new activity that's out of your normal comfort zone.
- There are lots of nice things that you can do that other people will also find very interesting. For example, traveling to help people who survived natural disasters, volunteering to help build houses for the poor, or organizing a fund raiser for a local charity are all great ways to do nice things for people without being boring or predictable.

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Question
How can I be a nice guy while still showing a girl I'm interested in her?
JT Tran
Dating Coach
JT Tran is a Dating Coach and a Dating Advice Columnist for LA Weekly and Baller Magazine. JT also runs the ABCs of Attraction, a dating boot camp where he specializes in coaching Asian men and women on how to navigate the cultural and social sensitivities associated with Asian dating culture. With over ten years of dating coaching experience, JT has presented dating and relationship advice as it relates to cultural issues at Harvard University, Yale University, and the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania. His work has been featured in AsianWeek, New York, NU Asian Magazine, the Huffington Post, Channel News Asia, and Voice of America News TV.
JT Tran
Dating Coach
Expert Answer
One common mistake I see is what I call filtering, or having this permission-seeking attitude where you filter what you say. Don't be afraid to express who you really are out of a fear of being rejected. Also, if you're romantically interested in a girl, it's best to tell her that upfront.
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Tips

Remember to be nice to everyone, not just to people in your social circle. People will have much more respect for you if you are inclusive.^{[18]XResearch source}
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If you want to start being nicer, start at home. Try being nicer to your family by helping them out or even just arguing with them less.
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Don't just pretend to be a nice guy. It's always best to be yourself, and people will know that you're not being genuine.
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