Download ArticleDownload ArticleThis article was co-authored by Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD. Dr. Niall Geoghegan is a Clinical Psychologist in Berkeley, CA. He specializes in Coherence Therapy and works with clients on anxiety, depression, anger management, and weight loss among other issues. He received his Doctorate in Clinical Psychology from the Wright Institute in Berkeley, CA.
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Once the teen years hit, you might start wondering, "What does it mean to be a good parent to a teen?" As your teenage daughter goes through a huge wave of physical, emotional, and social changes, it's normal for your relationship with her to get a little strained and face new challenges. But during these important years, good parenting is more important than ever before. We'll show you how to give your teenage daughter the support and structure she needs while building a stronger relationship with her along the way.
Steps
Ask her about what she is interested in. Don't be nosy though, that can really bug your teenage daughter. Also, if she seems like she doesn't want to answer your questions, stop asking and wait for another time, teens can get moody, just like the rest of us. Some examples of questions to ask are:- What is your favorite book?
- What is your favorite movie?
- What is your favorite color?
- What is your favorite song/album/singer/band?
- What do you like to do in your spare time?
- Where's your favorite place to shop?
- What is your favorite animal?
- What is your favorite or least favorite food?
- Or you can just make up your own questions.
Encourage and develop good communication with your daughter.[1] Teenage girls always have the desire to have relationships with boys (or girls), whether it's just friendship or crushing. If your daughter is comfortable with you, she will tell you once she's made a new friend or likes a particular person.- Get to know her, know her weaknesses and strengths and what makes her happy.
- Be interested in what she tells you. Do not look worried or angry. Ask her about the person, or even ask to meet them. Then decide whether she should hang out with them or not.[2]
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Give your daughter attention. Sometimes it is neglect that can make you distant from your daughter. Hug her (not too much, maybe for 5 seconds) and comfort her. Tell her she is beautiful. Heal small hurts at random times every day. If either of you are sad or stressed comfort each other once again.[3]
Accept the fact that she's no longer a kid, she's a teenager, and has different desires. That's the most important thing a parent should do.[4]
Be respectful and caring about her interest in having a boyfriend or girlfriend. If she has a partner, be supportive. Once you've met the partner and gotten to know them, and feel like they're the right sort, you can let her go on dates with them. If you did not feel like the person is trustworthy, tell your daughter the reasons why without exploding or banning the relationship.
Let her have freedom within caring boundaries. Give her her own space to grow but also kindly clarify the boundaries. Know that she may sometimes test these boundaries and that is when you need to remind her that she is aware of the boundaries and that they need to restored.[5]- If you disagree with your daughter's choice of clothing, tell her face to face. Be reasonable. Talk to her about the problems with how clothing can be suggestive and the things that certain people may assume of some types of clothing.
Do your best to not be the kind of parent whom your daughter would want to turn to when she's in a fix. In other words, never be the type of parent whom your daughter would be scared of.
Do random acts of kindness for your daughter. Even though she may pretend she doesn't like it when you clean her room, she really does. Some random acts you could do are:- Cleaning her room/bathroom
- Cooking her an unforgettably tasty meal
- Buying her some make up you think she would like
- Buying her some clothes/jewelry she would enjoy
Trust your teen daughter. Let your daughter know you trust her. And actually do trust her. Once she sees that you find her trustworthy, she will feel more likely to trust you.[6]
Remember her birthdays and respect the things that are important to her. In this way, you will be respected too.- Make each of her birthdays extra special, by taking trips, or by having amazing parties.
Take your teen daughter places. Take her somewhere she would like, for example to the mall or a music concert.- Take your daughter to places she has never heard of before and see if she finds new hobbies and good new experiences.
- Take her shopping at her favorite stores.
Expert Q&A
Reader Videos
Tips
- Everything depends on the parenting ways. It should be right and correct, or your daughter will become exactly the opposite of what you tried to make her become.Thanks
- Respect her friends, and be nice to them.Thanks
- Keep in mind that if your daughter is brought up by parents whom she's comfortable with and parents who give freedom, she would not hide anything from you or would not dress inappropriately.Thanks
Warnings
- Don't overwork her into a whole bunch of after school activities she needs her rest.Thanks
- Let her be very comfortable with you.Thanks
- Never scold her in front of others.Thanks
- Don't follow her where ever she goes. Trust her. Giver her freedom.Thanks
- Don't judge her or her friends.Thanks
- Don't be clingy, your daughter may feel uncomfortable.Thanks
- Do not tell her to try to be more like someone else.Thanks
- Never expect too much of her.Thanks
References
- ↑ Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 24 July 2019.
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/preteen.html?WT.ac=p-ra#catbest-self
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/raising-resilient-children-and-teens/201802/how-we-communicate-we-love-our-teens
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/adolescence.html?WT.ac=ctg#catbest-self
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/adolescence.html?WT.ac=ctg#catbest-self
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/raising-resilient-children-and-teens/201802/how-we-communicate-we-love-our-teens
About This Article
Being a good parent for your teenage daughter is about getting to know her and encouraging her to make wise decisions. Take time out of each day to talk to your daughter so you can keep up with how she’s feeling and what’s important to her. Encourage her to share her emotions without judging her so she’ll be more comfortable telling you things in the future. Let her have freedom and responsibility within your boundaries. For example, let her hang out with her friends as long as she does her school work and chores. To make her happy, do random acts of kindness for her, like cooking her favorite meal or buying her a spontaneous gift. For more tips, including how to talk to your daughter about relationships, read on!
Reader Success Stories
"I'm very close with my 16-year-old girl; we talk about anything and everything. I followed the steps very closely and it has been very helpful. My 10-year-old girl is also picking up feeling very comfortable with me; the kids find me funny."..." more
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