How to Avoid Bothering Your Busy Boyfriend

Do you wish your boyfriend had more time to spend with you? If your beau always seems to be busy with work, school, or other obligations, it can put a strain on your relationship, especially if you tend to call or visit him at inopportune times. Mismatched schedules don’t have to spell the end of your relationship, though. Keep your relationship strong and avoid annoying your boyfriend by communicating about your schedules, not acting clingy, and keeping yourself busy, too.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Avoiding Needy Behavior

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1
Resist the temptation to call too frequently. If you know your boyfriend is busy, don’t call or text him, even if you miss him. If you interrupt him too often, you’ll seem clingy and he’ll get annoyed.^{[1]XResearch source} Stick to the times you agreed on for talking and hanging out together.^{[2]XResearch source}
- Don’t initiate all your conversations. Give your boyfriend a chance to call you first sometimes, too.
- If you’re really tempted to call or text but you know it’s a bad time, turn off your phone, or go somewhere and leave your phone at home.
If your boyfriend is really busy, he may not have time to watch the adorable baby video you tagged him in, or to check out the list of artists for a local concert. Ask him what's a happy medium for social media activity and stick to it. Numerous Facebook and Instagram messages can distract him from school or work.
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3
Don’t assume something is wrong if you don’t hear from him. There are all kinds of reasons your boyfriend might not call or text you back. Maybe he forgot to take his phone off silent mode after class, or maybe he got held up by something at work. Don’t panic or assume he’s being passive-aggressive with you – everything is probably fine.^{[3]XExpert SourceAnna Svetchnikov
Licensed Marriage & Family TherapistExpert Interview. 25 October 2023.}^{[4]XResearch source}
- Whatever you do, don’t send him a barrage of texts or calls. He’ll get back to you when he can. Find a way to distract yourself in the meantime.
- However, if you don’t hear back from him within a week, it’s probably time to check on him to make sure everything’s ok.
Be easygoing and flexible, and don’t try to monopolize your boyfriend’s free time. His family and other friends are important to him, and he needs to spend time with them sometimes. He may also need regular time alone to recharge.
5
Determine if you are compatible. If your boyfriend never seems to make time for you, you may want to decide if that's the kind of relationship you were looking for. Some partners aren't simply cut out to be together. You might prefer a relationship in which your partner is more available to you--and that's not what you're getting with a boyfriend who's always busy.^{[5]XResearch source}
- Before you make a decision, you might first talk to him about your needs. You might say something like, "I really want to spend more time with you on the weekends, but your schedule is always jam-packed. Us not spending time together is really bothering me. Will it always be like this?"
- If your boyfriend tries to make changes to better accommodate you in his schedule, then you might give the relationship another shot.
- You might also look for other signs of incompatibility, like different values and beliefs.
6
Reassess the relationship. If you suspect that your boyfriend is using being busy as an excuse to push you away, he’s probably not the right person for you. He might be married to his job or goals, and unless you have a similar mindset, you’ll probably end up feeling unloved and neglected.^{[6]XResearch source}
- Sometimes people avoid their significant other because they don’t know how to break up. If you think this is what your boyfriend is doing, don’t drag things out. Be the more mature person and call it quits.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Finding Time That Works for Both of You

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1
Ask your boyfriend about his schedule. Find out when your boyfriend is free and when he needs to be left alone to get things done. Learn what hours he works, when he’s at school, and what times he goes to sports practice or works on his hobbies. ^{[7]XResearch source}
- You both should get what you need from the relationship, so if you need more time to feel close, tell him. Then, try to offer him the same thing: if he says that he needs more time for his independence, try to respect that. Begin from a place of respect and care, and you'll have an easier time finding a compromise.
- Try to schedule daily phone calls or texts. Everyone can make some time in their day to reach out to the people they care about. If your boyfriend can’t do this, it may be a sign that he lacks interest.
- You might want to make a copy of your boyfriend’s schedule so you won’t forget it. If he uses an online scheduling tool like Google Calendar, ask him to give you access to it.
2
Talk with your boyfriend about when you should call and visit. Don’t just guess when you should call or visit your boyfriend – discuss it ahead of time so you’ll know for sure. Ask him when he prefers to talk on the phone, and see whether he has any downtime during the day when you can come say hello.^{[8]XExpert SourceAnna Svetchnikov
Licensed Marriage & Family TherapistExpert Interview. 25 October 2023.}
- For instance, maybe he’s free to have lunch with you once a week, or maybe he can talk on the phone with you when he gets out of class at 4 PM.
3
Find creative ways to spend time together. If your boyfriend is too busy to go on long dates with you every week, look for other reasons to get together. For instance, you could help him with yard work or go to the gym together in the mornings.
- You can also join him for activities he’s already involved in. If he takes a cooking class on Monday nights, ask him if you can come, too.
If you can’t see your boyfriend often, focus on making your talks and visits fun and memorable when you do get together. Plan ahead, even if that just means renting a movie and cooking a nice dinner. If you’re worried you’ll forget to tell him things, write them down so you’ll have plenty to talk about next time you see each other.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Keeping Yourself Busy

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Focus on your responsibilities. Your boyfriend has priorities, and there’s no reason you shouldn’t have some, too. Keep yourself busy doing things you need to do. If you feel like you don’t have much to do, set some new goals or work on an area of your life that needs improvement.^{[9]XResearch source}
- For example, you can put extra effort into your work or studying, spend more time with your family, or catch up on chores around the house.
2
Pick up some new hobbies. Your boyfriend shouldn’t be the only source of fun in your life. Fill your time with things you enjoy, and if you don’t have many hobbies, go get some. Besides being happier, you’ll also be more attractive and interesting when you have a life outside your relationship.^{[10]XResearch source}
- For instance, you could start working out, learn a new language, write a novel, or pick up a craft.
- Try visiting https://www.meetup.com, a platform that connects you to others in your area who also want to try new activities.
Make time to see your friends regularly, and don’t just talk about your boyfriend with them. Do things related to your shared interests, like going to concerts, shopping, or watching movies. Spend less time with friends who are needy towards their own boyfriends, since their behavior may influence you.^{[11]XResearch source}
Your plans, goals, and friendships are just as important as your boyfriend’s, so don’t just drop everything the second he wants to see you. Make sure he respects your time as much as you respect his.^{[12]XResearch source}

Expert Q&A

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Question
How can I stop assuming something is up when my partner is busy?
Anna Svetchnikov
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Anna Svetchinkov, LMFT is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Mental Health Advocate, and Author based in Florida. With over 15 years of experience, she helps individuals, couples, and families nationwide and worldwide overcome challenges and achieve their goals through speaking engagements and presentations. Anna is a dynamic presenter who's appeared on major media networks, including PBS, FOX, ABC, and NBC, sharing her expertise in family therapy and mental wellness. She's a published author with over 30 books for children, adolescents, teens, and adults, covering topics related to mental health and wellness. Passionate about destigmatizing mental health, she founded the non-profit "I Care We All Care." Anna has received several awards for her contributions to the mental health field and was selected as one of Florida's ‘40 under 40.’ She received a BS in Psychology and a Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from UMass Boston and is pursuing her Ph.D in Clinical Sexology from MSTI.
Anna Svetchnikov
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Answer
It's crucial to keep the lines of communication open. Many relationship issues stem from misunderstandings that arise due to a lack of communication. Avoid making assumptions and setting unspoken expectations for your partner. It's vital to express your needs directly because your partner can't read your mind. Misunderstandings often lead to frustration and resentment over time. Instead, initiate conversations and express your thoughts in a non-confrontational manner. For instance, you could say something like, "I understand you're busy, but let's plan something together."Regular check-ins are essential. When addressing concerns, it's important to avoid accusatory statements like "You never have time for me." Such comments may trigger defensiveness, hindering constructive dialogue. I typically advise my clients to utilize the sandwich approach or the four-step communication method. With the sandwich approach, begin by acknowledging the positive aspects of your relationship, then bring up your concerns, and conclude on a positive note. Alternatively, the four-step method involves celebrating small victories, taking responsibility for your actions, expressing your concerns, and working together to devise a solution. This approach fosters an open and collaborative atmosphere, allowing both partners to contribute to the relationship's growth and harmony.
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Question
My boyfriend is a doctor, and he is very busy with work, plus he is currently preparing for an exam. We don't have much time to talk. What should I do?
Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Expert Answer
Try scheduling calls ahead of time with your boyfriend to make sure you have time to connect. Since he's so busy, you can make the most of the time he has off by planning fun trips or vacations.
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My boyfriend is always busy or away with work, and we don't communicate enough. Every day I long to hear his voice, but it's not easy for him to pick up my calls. What should I do?
Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Expert Answer
If he can't take your calls, try sending pictures or short videos via text or over an app like Snapchat. This will give you a chance to connect, even if it isn't in real time. Try to make the most of the limited time you have together.
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