How to Act Around Girls

Whether you’re approaching a girl you don’t know or trying to maintain your cool around one you’re interested in, one thing is for sure: talking to girls can be hard but not impossible! You just have to remember that girls are just like anyone else in your life, they are humans too, being around them won’t seem so scary after all. By having confidence in yourself and practicing some key communication skills, you’ll start to feel relaxed and comfortable around any and every girl.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Gaining Confidence

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1
Be yourself. As much as you want to gain the approval of a girl, altering your personality to do so isn’t the way to go! Even if it works in the short-term, you’ll feel fake and happy, and chances are she’ll eventually find out who you really are. Know who you are. Own up to your thoughts and feelings in life. Being genuine and self-assured is appealing to girls and will make you feel good about yourself, too.^{[1]XResearch source}
- Avoid becoming overly generous or aggressive in an attempt to win her over. This can come across as fake or even offensive--not the way you want to portray yourself!^{[2]XResearch source}
- Put less attention into pleasing girls, too. Appreciate your flaws and don’t let them distract you.
- If you like yourself and become comfortable with who you are, then you will be more comfortable around other people. And even if things don't go well, it won't matter as much! Only you can make yourself happy. If you like yourself, that's the most important thing.
2
Clean yourself up. Maintaining proper hygiene makes you look and feel better. Take a shower in the morning. Wash your hair. Put on deodorant and clean clothes before you go outside. When you’re around girls, the last thing you want to worry about is how you smell! Keep yourself clean to make sure it’s never a problem.
- You may choose to put a little perfume or cologne on your neck and shoulders. If you do, use it sparingly! You don’t want to overwhelm the people around you.
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3
Dress well. If possible, go out and find some clothes that are right for you. They don’t have to be expensive, but they should fit well and feel comfortable on you. Besides making you look good, clothes that you like wearing make you feel more confident and able to focus on girls instead of your appearance.^{[3]XResearch source}
- Try observing those around you for ideas on what’s fashionable, but remember that a good outfit is one that reflects your own unique style.
- Ask store employees for feedback. Ask politely and they’ll be happy to guide you to a proper fit.
4
Do what you enjoy. You can have fun with girls doing what they want to do, but remember to take time out for yourself and continue to do what makes you happy. If that’s watching science fiction and reading comics, go ahead and do it. Never feel ashamed of your interests! Pursuing them is what makes you happier, more genuine and more pleasant to be around.
- It’s natural to find yourself getting completely absorbed in a girl you like. Remember to take a step back some days and give yourself some space to focus on doing something you love, like playing sports or a video game.
5
Relax. Being tense around girls makes them tense too. If you’re looking around trying to figure out what to say or how to escape the situation, you aren’t focusing on the girl. Breathe deeply before approaching and when not speaking. Stay present and focus your attention on the girl, instead of on an anxious feeling. Stay positive and remind yourself that nothing bad will happen, because chances are, everything will be just fine.^{[4]XTrustworthy SourceGreater Good MagazineJournal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier livingGo to source}
- Most people are absorbed in their own lives and aren’t out to embarrass you or make you feel bad. If you think you’ve made a mistake or embarrassed yourself, don’t worry about it; chances are, everyone else will forget it ever happened.^{[5]XTrustworthy SourceGreater Good MagazineJournal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier livingGo to source}
6
Be honest with your intentions. Starting out befriending a girl you’re interested in is a good idea, but if you have feelings for her, don’t hide them. Work towards starting a relationship, paying attention to her. If you hide your feelings, she won’t know how you feel and can feel betrayed or in a bad position when she does find out. Conversely, don’t lead on a girl if you only want to be friends. Remember the tried and true (if somewhat cheesy) saying: Honesty is the best policy!^{[6]XResearch source}
- Remember to respect her boundaries. Don’t push your feelings upon her if she doesn’t return your interest. She’ll be grateful and will be more likely to want to be friends, even if she doesn’t return your feelings.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Communicating Effectively

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1
Maintain eye contact. As you approach a girl to start a conversation, look her in the eyes. This displays confidence and, when she is speaking, an interest in what she is saying.^{[7]XExpert SourceEddy Baller
Dating CoachExpert Interview. 7 February 2020.} Don’t stare, however, especially when you’re not having a conversation with her. Look at her enough to show that you’re paying attention, then look away.
- Don’t worry if this is difficult at first; eye contact can feel a little awkward for everyone! To practice eye contact, start with a mirror, then move on to friends and strangers.
- Eye contact is difficult but it prevents you from getting caught looking at the rest of her body. Plus, it’s polite, engaging, and a great way to show your interest and respect in a girl.
2
Engage girls in conversation. Greet girls just like you would greet anyone else: say hello and bringing up appropriate topics. Some great icebreakers include asking for opinion on clothing, talking about a class you share, complimenting a girl on making a good point, or offering to help her.^{[8]XResearch source}
- Do this at times to gain confidence around girls and build towards deeper conversations. Everyone enjoys a good conversation, and girls will be impressed with your confidence and outgoing personality.
3
Listen actively. Truly listening to what she says and means will be appreciated by a girl. Put down your phone and try to grasp the complete meaning of what she’s saying. Don’t interrupt. Show interest by nodding and responding when she’s finished. No one likes having a conversation with someone who doesn’t listen to them, so make sure to extend this common courtesy to any girls you talk to.^{[9]XResearch source}
- Respond by paraphrasing the message, such as by saying, “So what you’re saying is…” to show that you get the important point of the girl’s message.
- When you respond, be respectful and nonjudgmental no matter how you feel. Really consider her thoughts and opinions before you answer to show your thoughtfulness.
4
Show genuine interest in people. To grow trust between you and a girl, communicate on a deeper level with them. Ask a girl about herself, her interests, and her desires. Show that you’re interested in learning about her as a person. This makes you appear more confident and helps girls feel more comfortable around you. As an added bonus, this takes a lot of the pressure of maintaining the conversation off of you: all you have to do is ask questions and listen!^{[10]XResearch source}
- A good question, for example, is to ask her what kind of music she likes. If she likes the same music, you can share that interest. Even if you have different tastes, you can say, “I’ve never really listened to that genre. Can you give any recommendations to a newbie?”
5
Be attentive to her feelings. When you show a girl that you’re interested in her life, she may open up to you about something that’s troubling her. This is a huge show of trust, so it’s important to listen with interest and respond to her empathetically. Never make her feel judged or ridiculed--you wouldn’t want to feel that way, so you know she wouldn’t, either.^{[11]XResearch source}
- For example, you can say, “That’s okay, the test was really hard. You did your best.”
- Encourage her in her goals, too. If she wants to be a photographer, encourage her to do it no matter what you think of the idea. Say, “That’s awesome you have such big dreams!”
6
Make her laugh. Humor is an effective way of being charming and charismatic. Engaging in banter with girls will make things less awkward as you learn about each other and paves the way to talk about more serious issues. You don’t have to be a natural comedian, and definitely don’t force it! Try to make some witty observations or recall funny tales from your past to make her laugh and ease any awkwardness.^{[12]XResearch source}
- Not all humor is appropriate in every situation. For example, avoid telling crude or sexist jokes around a girl you’ve just met.
- Don't focus on just being funny. Humor can help you attract a girl, but it should feel natural and not like you're always forcing it.^{[13]XExpert SourceEddy Baller
  Dating CoachExpert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
- As you spend more time with a girl, you’ll learn what she finds funny and develop inside jokes between you and her. Be patient and see how your senses of humor play off each other. You’ll be cracking each other up in no time!

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Behaving Appropriately

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1
Respect personal space. When first meeting a girl, a handshake is enough. Be relaxed and always use common sense: such as don’t crowd up against her, bring your face near hers, or touch inappropriate areas such as the face. As you build your relationship, use your judgment as to how much physical contact is welcome. Start with gentle hand and shoulder brushes during conversations and standing close during opportune times such as parties and concerts.^{[14]XResearch source}
- If you desire a relationship, ramp up your contact, slowly and naturally, as you go. Then you can try hugging and flirting if she is okay with it.
- If you’re interested in starting a relationship with her, don’t be afraid to try a bit of flirting! Remember to back off if she seems uninterested or uncomfortable.
- Don’t touch a girl if it’s not desired. Respect her personal boundaries and pull back if she feels uncomfortable.
Behave with grace around girls. Inappropriate actions including swearing, farting, or telling rude jokes are sure to make a girl not want to be around you. Show respect and good manners by holding open the door and saying please and thank you.
3
Treat everyone the same. Talk to everyone — boys, trans people, and so on — the same way you’d talk to a girl. Show everyone respect and kindness and listen to what they have to say. Avoid starting fights--violence isn’t a good way to impress anyone! When girls are around, they’ll see how genuine and mature you are.^{[15]XResearch source}
- This is hard to do when arguing or encountering someone you don’t like, but try to avoid outbursts of emotion. Breathe deeply and control what you say. When all is said and done, you’ll be proud of yourself for taking the high road, even if a girl isn’t around to be impressed by it!
4
Don’t talk about people behind their backs. Talking badly about someone who isn’t present has the same effect as an unpleasant confrontation in-person, and sometimes it can be even worse! Avoid gossiping. Sharing negative information will make you look immature to girls and cause them to wonder if you talk about them too when they’re not around. Continue to be respectful as much as possible.
- In return, don’t speak negatively about girls or share their secrets with your friends. This information may get back to them and give you a bad reputation. Show them your trustworthiness and they’ll soon consider you a loyal friend.

Expert Q&A

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Question
How do I become comfortable around girls?
Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach and the Owner of a dating consulting and coaching service, Conquer and Win, based in Vancouver, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills, and relationships. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.
Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Answer
Remind yourself that girls aren't magical or mysterious beings. They're just people, and the more you view them that way, the less nervous you'll be around them. The more you practice talking to girls, the better you'll get at it and the easier it will be.
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Question
How can I be confident around girls?
Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach and the Owner of a dating consulting and coaching service, Conquer and Win, based in Vancouver, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills, and relationships. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.
Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Answer
Strong eye contact is number one. People who lack confidence typically cannot hold very strong eye contact. Taking bold moves is another way to show confidence, like putting your arm around somebody and not waiting for a sign for every single moment just to try something. Taking that initiative shows confidence, because you're not walking on eggshells and you're not worried about every single moment and doing the wrong thing. Speaking strongly is another good one—you don’t want to have a fake voice, but you should use your full, natural voice. Standing straight, keeping your shoulders back, and not having your hands in your pocket also projects confidence.
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Question
How do I make a girl love me if I am black?
Tasha Rube, LMSW
Licensed Master Social Worker
Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.
Tasha Rube, LMSW
Licensed Master Social Worker
Expert Answer
Realize that you cannot make other people feel or do things they do not want to. The more self-confidence and self-esteem you have, the more you will be happy with who you are, regardless of race or ethnicity. This will show through to others as you interact with them and you will attract the right person for you.
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Tips

Don't panic if you do something embarrassing. Own up to your mistake, laugh it off and rebound with humor. Making light of the situation will make you and the people around you, including girls, more comfortable.
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Be especially gentle around shy girls. Break conversation and touch barriers slowly. Give her space.
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Pay attention to her body language in order to gauge how she is feeling and how you should act.
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Warnings

Never pressure a girl into physical contact or a relationship if she isn’t ready for it.
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Trying too hard to hide your feelings or impress a girl will be noticeable and make you feel unhappy.
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