How to Write a Consolation Letter

Whether someone you know has lost a loved one, gotten laid off, or gone through some other type of challenge, a friend's steady voice can often help stabilize that person's feelings. A consolation letter allows you to carefully choose your words to console or reassure the recipient. Learning how to cater your letter to one of these situations can help you be a supportive and consoling friend, family member, or colleague.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Sending Condolences to Someone Who Is Grieving

1
Acknowledge the loss. Acknowledging that the deceased has passed away is an important component of any condolence letter. Be sure to mention the deceased by name, and express what a loss their passing is.
- Mention how you heard about the deceased's passing, even if it was from the person you're writing to.
- You can use this part of the letter to express any shock or grief you felt at learning of the deceased's passing.
- For example, you might say something like, "I was shocked when I heard from Michael that Bob had passed away. He was so young, and it really took me by surprise."
2
Offer a heartfelt condolence. Offering condolence is an essential part of any consolation letter for someone grieving a loss. Make sure you express your condolences sincerely and succinctly. Don't linger on expressing your sorrow, since it's not about how you feel, but don't rush through it either - about one or two sentences should suffice.
- Aim to spend one to two sentences expressing condolences.
- Be genuine in expressing your condolences. You should also be honest, which may include acknowledging the cause of death of the deceased.
- Try to relate to the bereaved's sorrow if it's someone you know. Letting them know that you're also saddened by the loss may be comforting to hear.
- For someone you know well, say something like, "I'm so shaken up by Bob's battle with cancer. He's the same age as me, and I find myself thinking it's just not fair that he died so young."
- For someone you don't know well, keep your condolences brief. Try something like, "I'm thinking of you and your family during this difficult time, and I'd like to offer my sincerest sympathy for what you're going through."
3
Say nice things about the deceased. It can be comforting for a grieving individual to hear nice things about the person who has passed away. Not only does it help that person to remember the good times, it also lets them know that other people saw the deceased the same way they did.
- You may want to share specific memories that you feel illustrate the deceased at their best, whether they're funny anecdotes or stories that show them being compassionate and kind.
- You should also talk about the unique and lovable characteristics of the deceased. Mention how the deceased was kind, funny, smart, etc.
4
Suggest ways that the deceased can be memorialized. Depending on how well you know the bereaved and the deceased, you may want to offer suggestions on how to memorialize the departed individual. There are many ways to memorialize someone, so it might be best to offer a few suggestions instead of insisting that any one way would be more appropriate.^{[1]XResearch source}
- Planting trees, building a memorial (including a plaque or a bench), or having a "remembrance gathering" are all great ways to memorialize someone who has passed away.
- Writing about the deceased can also be extremely helpful. Let the bereaved know that you'd love to read more about the person who passed, and encourage that individual to write about the deceased.
5
Volunteer your assistance. Someone who is grieving a loss will probably be going through a lot of emotional pain, and may not be taking good care of himself or herself during that time. It's somewhat expected that if you offer consolation to a grieving person, you will offer some type of assistance or support as well (even if it's just offering an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on).^{[2]XResearch source}
- Many grieving individuals who need help may be reluctant to ask for help with anything, even if you encourage that person to let you know if there's anything you can do.
- Offer specific assistance to the bereaved. For example, you might offer to take care of grocery shopping, running errands, picking up the kids from school, or sending out letters to family members.
- Make specific plans. Let the bereaved know you'll be over on a given day at a given time to help out.
6
Avoid saying the wrong things. Though you might mean the things you say in a warm and consoling way, certain phrases and terms may be misread by someone who is grieving. When you write a consolation letter, try to avoid saying anything that could inadvertently diminish the way the grieving person feels.
- Never say that everything happens for a reason. This can sound cruel and hurtful to someone who is mourning.
- Similarly, avoid platitudes like "God never gives you more than you can handle." The grieving person will be feeling overwhelmed and may not respond well to a message like that.
- Resist the urge to compare the grieving person's pain to a situation you've been in. Saying "I know just how you feel," for example, assumes that you know exactly how that person feels.
7
End the letter with something thoughtful. It's considered good form to end a condolence letter with some type of thoughtful phrase. This should reflect the tone and feel of the entire letter, and it should also wrap things up with some type of compassionate well-wishing. Some common thoughtful phrases that are appropriate for ending a condolence letter include:
- "My respects, today and always"
- "Keeping you and yours in my thoughts"
- "You have my deepest sympathies, as well as my friendship"
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Writing to Someone Who Lost a Job

1
Acknowledge that things didn't go as planned. Don't avoid the topic when you write a consolation letter to someone who lost a job. That individual may have had their heart set on staying with that employer, which can be very upsetting. Not acknowledging the situation and its impact on that individual in a consolation letter would be pointless.^{[3]XResearch source}
- Don't avoid the subject, but don't dwell on it either in the letter.
- Acknowledge that it happened and that it's unfortunate, then move on to consoling your friend.
- Offer a simple but genuine "I'm so sorry" or "I'm very sorry to hear."
- Resist the urge to try and console your friend by saying that things happen for a reason. Many people find this insulting, and at the very least it won't be very comforting to hear.
2
Recognize the implications of not having a job. While not getting what you want is frustrating, not getting what you need can be devastating. The job may have been necessary to make rent, pay for an expensive procedure or repair, or rebuild a dwindled savings account. If you know the person you're writing the letter to, you may want to consider if there are any ways you could help and support that person during this time.^{[4]XResearch source}
- If you're close with the recipient, you may want to consider offering to let that person stay with you if necessary. However, this is only really necessary if that person is facing eviction.
- You may want to offer some type of financial assistance if you're close with the individual. You'll need to offer this tactfully, though, as some people may be insulted by an offer of monetary assistance.
- You can offer assistance tactfully by planning how you phrase your offer. For example, "I know how hard it can be to be unemployed - let me take you to the store and pay for your groceries" sounds a lot kinder than "Do you need any money?"
3
Make yourself available to spend time together. The person you're writing to may be feeling very sad if they believed they would get the job. If you know the individual, you should offer to spend time together in your letter.^{[5]XResearch source}
- You can offer to get together socially for coffee, drinks (if you're both old enough to drink), or a meal. You should offer to pay since the person you're consoling may be on a tight budget.
- Offer to help revise the individual's resume or practice interviewing skills if you're good at those things.
4
Pay a compliment in your letter. Someone who got rejected from a coveted job may be feeling tremendously insecure, either professionally or personally. Giving a compliment to this individual would go a long way towards making them feel better about their situation.^{[6]XResearch source}
- If you only know the individual professionally, focus your comment on that person's professional skills. For example, you might say that they're the best editor you know.
- If you know the individually personally (as a friend or relative), you might want to compliment that person's personal skills, talents, or even appearance (if you're close friends and you're comfortable doing so).
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Sending Someone a Letter of General Support

1
Address the issue you're being supportive of. As with most other letters of consolation, a letter of general support should acknowledge the reason you're lending someone support. You don't have to necessarily address the issue by name if it's a painful or sensitive topic, but you should at least acknowledge in your letter that the individual is going through a difficult time.
- Use your discretion when deciding whether to address the specifics of the issue or to name the issue. For example, a violent death or other types of assault would be painful and inappropriate for the recipient to have to read.
2
Encourage the recipient to maintain normalcy. If someone you're being supportive of has gone through a difficult or traumatic event, their life may feel like it's been turned upside down. During such a period, having some sense of normalcy can make things easier to cope with.
- Don't be preachy, and don't try to give advice.
- Offer the encouragement for normalcy as a suggestion.
- For example, you might say, "I know things are very difficult right now, but I've heard that trying to maintain a normal schedule/routine can make it easier to get through this."
3
Try to urge the recipient to practice good self-care. Practicing good self-care during difficult periods can make a world of difference. It helps people who have been hurt to heal and it allows people who are stressed to unwind. This can require some delicate phrasing, though, as you don't want to come across as being preachy or prescriptive (much like with telling someone to maintain normalcy).
- Gently encourage the recipient to do something relaxing or enjoyable, even if they don't feel capable of feeling good.
- Yoga, meditation, and tai chi are all great ways of relieving stress.
- Arts and crafts, playing games with friends, going to see a movie with friends, or going to a food or music festival are all great ways to have fun and disengage from stressful life events.
4
Remind the recipient that you're available. Letting the recipient know that you're available to get together and generally lend support will be tremendously meaningful. You can offer your support in a number of ways, depending on how comfortable you feel with that individual.
- Make yourself available to get together for coffee, a meal, or a drink (if you're both of legal drinking age).
- Offer to join the individual in doing something they normally like to do, like attending a class or going on an outing.
- Don't make a vague and easily-forgotten offer; give concrete details and make plans.
- For example, you might tell the recipient, "I'm free next week and I know you love going to yoga every morning. I'd really like to join you, and maybe we can get coffee afterward."
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Tips

Send a hand-written letter. This is unquestionably more personal and evokes more attention than a computer-processed one. If you have poor penmanship, you can ask a friend or spouse to help--the recipient will appreciate the thought and effort that you put into your letter.
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Warnings

Do not, under any circumstances, dismiss the recipient's problems or cite them as inferior to ones you have dealt with.
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If the recipient confides in you and talks about the troubling incident, don't share a lengthy story of your own, even if you want to show how well you understand him/her. Just be there to listen when the recipient wants to talk and let them know you care.
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If the recipient has repeatedly asked for privacy, back off. Some problems are personal, and trying to get involved could make the problem worse.
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