This article was co-authored by Vernita Marsh, PhD and by How.com.vn staff writer, Johnathan Fuentes. Dr. Vernita Marsh is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the CEO and Founder of Dr. Vernita Marsh & Associates and The Marsh Clinics®. With over 30 years of clinical psychology experience, she specializes in relationship therapy, grief counseling, family therapy, and intimate partner abuse counseling. Dr. Marsh offers consultation for therapists, coaches, and trainees of mental health. Dr. Marsh earned her PhD in Clinical Psychology from Michigan State University and completed both her postdoctoral and fellowship training at Harvard Medical School. She also has expertise in the area of Telehealth and has received Clinical Telehealth Health Provider Certification from Evergreen.
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Speaking at a funeral can be stressful and heartbreaking, but it’s also a chance to express your condolences and even give a eulogy honoring the person who died. If you’ve never done this before, don’t be intimidated. Expressing sympathy and speaking are things that anyone can do. Keep reading to learn how to express your condolences for someone’s loss, or deliver a eulogy or speech at a funeral that will remind everyone of how much their loved one meant to them, and to you.
Things You Should Know
- Express condolences to friends and family with statements like “I’m sorry for your loss,” “You’re in my prayers,” and “If you need anything, I’m here.”
- If you’re giving a eulogy, talk about the person’s life, personality, and relationships. Include sweet, inspiring, or funny anecdotes, and make it 5-10 minutes long.
- For shorter speeches, tell a story illustrating the connection you shared with the person who died. Choose something personal and special to share.
Steps
Writing & Delivering a Eulogy
- Begin with a quick, personal story about the person who died. Start with something like “As some of you know, I met Amanda in…” or “I knew Mike since he was 13….” From there, share a story that illustrates their character, sense of humor, and other traits that made them unique. Keep this introduction 1-2 minutes long.[10] Some stories you could tell include:
- A funny or heartfelt memory you shared together.
- The day you met, or your earliest memory of them.
- A story they shared with you about their life
- Continue by talking about their life and relationships. Make a list of stories you could share, then choose 3-4 and write them out in detail. Include stories about their hobbies, interests, friendships, personality, and professional achievements. Avoid embarrassing or negative topics, and make sure your tone is appropriate for the situation. For instance, a eulogy for a young soldier who died in combat might be quite formal and somber, while a eulogy for a grandmother who loved practical jokes might be more light-hearted and touching. Make each story 1-2 minutes long.[11] Some topics could include:
- Jokes they loved to tell.
- What they were like when they were young.
- The way they raised their children (if they had any)
- Their relationship with their partner or spouse
- Things they did with friends (vacations, outings, pranks, and so on).
- Their careers (especially major accomplishments or honors)
- How hard they fought while they were sick (if they passed away from an illness)
- End with something simple, like a prayer, quote, or final story. If the person who died was religious, read their favorite passage from a religious text. If not, share a quote from an author, poet, musician, or public figure they admired.[12] Share one last story about them, such as the last moments you spent together. Or close with a simple, loving statement, like “We love you, Steven. You’ll always be in our hearts.”[13]
- Keep your closing remarks under 2 minutes long.
- The eulogy should last 5-10 minutes, in total.
- Write down the eulogy and bring a copy with you. Read from it if needed.
Expert Q&A
Tips
References
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/328853571_Condolences_in_English
- ↑ https://youtu.be/doIOwBbWmlU?t=222
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/328853571_Condolences_in_English
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/328853571_Condolences_in_English
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/328853571_Condolences_in_English
- ↑ https://youtu.be/doIOwBbWmlU?t=270
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/328853571_Condolences_in_English
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/328853571_Condolences_in_English
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/328853571_Condolences_in_English
- ↑ https://s3.amazonaws.com/CFSV2/fileuploads/8286/EulogyTemplate.pdf
- ↑ https://textbooks.whatcom.edu/cmst220/chapter/eulogy/
- ↑ https://politicalscience.case.edu/2012/02/19/poscnews30/
- ↑ https://s3.amazonaws.com/CFSV2/fileuploads/8286/EulogyTemplate.pdf
- ↑ https://edge.sagepub.com/sites/default/files/special_section_02_module01.pdf
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