How to Understand Introverted People

If you're introverted yourself but unsure what that means, or you spend time around people who exhibit introvert traits, it's a good idea to gain a greater understanding of what this entails.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Understanding introverts

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Understand what introversion is. In modern definition, an introvert is defined as someone who is drained by socialization and energized by time spent alone. Introverts tend to be quiet, reflective and easily drained in high-energy environments. They are often considered to be "thinkers" and are viewed as people who are contented with solitude.^{[1]XResearch source}
- Introverts may not find every person draining to be around. For instance, an introvert might feel comfortable in 1-on-1 conversations, but might feel drained talking to 5 or more people.^{[2]XExpert SourceTara Bradford
  Life & Mindset CoachExpert Interview. 16 September 2020.}
2
Look at how the person "recharges" when stressed, tired or worn down. This is a key indicator of the difference between extroverts and introverts.^{[3]XResearch source}
- Extroverts tend to recharge by interacting with others, being social and participating in social gatherings, events, etc. The social stimulation energizes the extrovert.
- Introverts tend to recharge by withdrawing from social occasions and other people, sitting in solitude or maybe talking to only one other trusted person. This is because the extra stimulation from spending time around people, noise and constant comings and goings drains the energy of an introvert. Without this ability to withdraw, an introvert soon becomes edgy, tense, irritable and ill-at-ease.
- Understand that alone time is a need for introverts. If you push an introvert too far they may have a meltdown.
3
Be aware of high sensitivity. Introverts tend to be highly sensitive people (HSP) who experience external stimuli and emotions more intensely. Noises, lights and activity may be over-stimulating to HSPs. An HSP may be unable to tolerate the seams on socks, a bright lamp or a loud party. HSPs may also be the ones to cry during movies or the ones unable to tolerate the sight of pain.^{[4]XResearch source}
- Sensitive people aren't trying to be difficult. Sensitive people really do feel things more strongly. Understand that sensory overload isn't them just being "difficult".
- HSPs are highly in-tune to their senses meaning they may notice sensations others miss. They may also be very empathetic to others.
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Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Discarding Misconceptions

Neither personality trait is better nor worse than the other. During current times, extroverted qualities tend to be lauded as people clamber up the corporate ladder, and in many places, announcing one's presence loudly and selling one's skills to the world is considered to be an essential part of succeeding in competitive job and sales arenas, something many introverts find challenging (although not impossible). However, quiet personalities are as valid and important as their noisier counterparts, they just don't like taking center stage as often.
2
Realize that every person has both introverted and extroverted aspects to their personality. What tends to occur however, is that some people are more extroverted and others are more introverted, with some "central flexibility" where the two traits cross over. The trait may be evident in just some situations, or in any situation, depending on the individual. Each person is made up of many aspects, with introversion or extroversion being two parts of a greater whole. However, what does happen is that most people have a tendency for either one or the other trait and this in turn affects how you balance your time, your social interactions and your recharging needs.^{[5]XResearch source}
- Expression of the extent of introversion or extroversion is situationally dependent.
- Some people are at the extremes of either introversion or extroversion. Life can be a lot harder for these people than those who have a more "balanced" leaning towards either tendency. That doesn't mean they are not "normal", it does mean they are more likely to experience problems in social contexts where people carry certain expectations of "typical" behavior and interaction.
- With age, people tend to become more introverted.^{[6]XResearch source}
- The terms ambivert or omnivert are used for persons who display fairly equal amounts of both introversion and extroversion. However, this may just be that the person is either one or the other but is moderate in the expression of the more dominant trait, yet feels comfortable with expressing both.
3
Avoid making assumptions based on a person's introverted or extroverted tendencies. While neat boxes are often tempting to apply, the human personality is far too complex for such an approach. Both with yourself, and with others, avoid the tendency to think that the personality trait defines the whole. It does not, and cannot. Much more goes into making up your personality as a whole, along with social skills that you can learn.^{[7]XResearch source}
- Just because a person is considered an introvert doesn't mean that that person cannot be in charge, powerful, in the spotlight, etc. There are plenty of renowned introverts who are known as great leaders, inspirations and change-makers. Abraham Lincoln, Gandhi and Rosa Parks are all introverted leaders.
- An extrovert will sometimes make use of taking time to reflect, to think things through and to be at peace in solitude, when needed; it just isn't as pressing or important to the extroverted personality to spend extended periods of time in such modes. However, just as an introvert should not be labeled as "all or nothing", neither should the extrovert be so labeled.
4
Avoid labeling introverts as "anti-social". This is both unfair and impolite. Introverts will participate in social occasions and are as likely to be friendly, outgoing and articulate (all personality skills or traits that are learned or innate but that have nothing to do with whether one is an extrovert or an introvert) as the next person. Every human being appreciates contact with others.^{[8]XExpert SourceNicolette Tura, MA
Empowerment ExpertExpert Interview. 23 January 2020.} It is simply a case of how much contact, with whom and for how long. Introverts are more likely to manage the interactions to minimize the exhaustion or overwhelming feelings that can occur, at least for those introverts who have recognized the reality for themselves.^{[9]XResearch source}
- Both extroverts and introverts are equally capable of learning and applying social skills, just as the opposite is true and both can be socially inept; skills are a separate issue from personality traits.
- Social anxiety (shyness) is not the same as introversion. Extroverts and introverts can have social anxiety.
- Many introverts are employed in careers that involve a lot of interaction with different people; what you will discover is that they have carefully managed systems in place to be able to cope with the constancy of interaction. For example, they may schedule only a few daily appointments; they may decline any after-work functions that are not a good investment of their time for the expected return. An introvert is less likely to indulge in social events as a form of escapism or habit but thinks through the benefits before wading in.
5
Realize that age can have an impact on the introversion and extroversion traits. As we grow older, we tend to mellow and some of the more evident extremes of either introversion or extroversion become less marked and both personality types shift into a more middle zone. This allows extroverts to access more reflective states, while it also allows introverts to find their voice and stand up for the things they find matter. Much of this stems from the wisdom that comes with experience, provided a person learns the lessons and feels secure in their life.^{[10]XResearch source}
- Realize that although people's personalities do change, changes usually happen gradually with time.
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Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Interacting with introverted people

This section on interacting with introverts is for everyone; just because you're introverted doesn't mean you automatically know how to interact with other introverts.
Introverted people like to know they are being heard but they are not going to struggle to ensure that you are listening. If they feel that you cannot be bothered to hang in there and truly listen, they will clam up and fail to articulate any further.^{[11]XResearch source} This might not concern you if you're flitting from person to person while networking (an event most introverts dread) but if you are wanting to make a real connection with the introvert, you have to make the effort to truly connect and to truly listen.^{[12]XExpert SourceNicolette Tura, MA
Empowerment ExpertExpert Interview. 23 January 2020.}
Before you think this is all one-sided, you're in for a rude shock. Introverts love to listen to your side of things once you've made it clear you're dedicated to listening to them too; indeed, they can be your rock solid source of a good sounding board for your ideas, notions and worries. Since introverted people are typically good listeners, if you have a problem or need advice, they will listen, wait till you're done talking and then give advice or offer to think over what you've said and return with a solution or idea.^{[13]XResearch source}
4
Give introverts space. As already explained, unlike extroverted people, when around people too long, it saps an introvert's energy. So don't feel bad if your introverted friend doesn't want to hang out 24/7. It is not personal, it is essential to their well-being and thriving.^{[14]XResearch source}
- With introverts, a lot of information is processed after the interaction or event. This is why downtime and being away from other people is so important. This is the time of forming clarity, depth of understanding and processing of all that has been learned. An introvert finds instant processing of information during a social interaction nigh on impossible and hence can end up feeling highly distressed or needing to "shut down" if pressed to make a decision on the spot or give an opinion there and then.
- Respect the need for the introverted person to take more time than you. Even if you feel ready to go ahead with something, to decide something or to do something, you may need to wait a little longer before your introverted friend, colleague or customer comes around to your way of thinking. Do not perceive their quietness and unwillingness to hop on board immediately as a sign of rejection or exclusion; it is not the case. Instead, by accepting that the introvert needs space and time to process, you will be able to see that it's their need, not an insult to or rejection of you.
5
Work with the introvert's strengths. A lot of negativity surrounds the introvert. Yet the introvert has amazing qualities that are of great benefit; after all, the trait wouldn't have evolved without being highly useful. Some of the strengths of introverts include:^{[15]XTrustworthy SourceHarvard Business ReviewOnline and print journal covering topics related to business management practicesGo to source}
- Being cautious, risk averse and reflective.
- Writing articulately.
- Thinking analytically.
- Staying calm during a crisis (unless overwhelmed); reflecting inner calm and peace.
- Conscientious and good at concentrating on tasks requiring focus.
- A great listener, a careful adviser.
- Being independent.
- Being tenacious and determined, willing to take the longer-term view.
- Empathic, diplomatic and willing to compromise.
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Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Living with an introvert

You have someone who will make your home a heaven!
2
Realize that your introvert-in-the-house needs downtime. This is not to be taken as personal rejection or any aspersions being cast on you. This is about letting the introvert recharge. If you're concerned, have a discussion and suggest that the introvert-in-the-house at least signal that he or she needs downtime and is going off to be alone. That way, everyone else knows what is happening and won't disturb the introvert or take it personally.
- Encourage them to spend time with energizing people.^{[16]XExpert SourceTara Bradford
  Life & Mindset CoachExpert Interview. 16 September 2020.}
- If they have to spend time around energy-draining people, help them figure out ways to protect their energy.^{[17]XExpert SourceTara Bradford
  Life & Mindset CoachExpert Interview. 16 September 2020.}
3
Allow space. The introvert needs somewhere personal, quiet and undisturbed to retreat to within the home space. If this is not offered, the introvert can become stressed and tense, a feeling that can impact everyone in the household.
- If you are living in an environment where space is a problem, consider making a schedule to get all of the extroverts out of the house once a day, to allow the introvert to have complete peace.
If you're an extrovert and your partner is an introvert, share out the chores to the person who is best at doing them. For example, your introvert partner may be the best for checking the tax details and choosing the house decorating colors, while you might be best at planning parties and receiving the house guests warmly or cold calling the plumbers to get quotes for renovating your dilapidated bathroom. Talk openly about what the introvert finds difficult to do and reach compromises about who does what.^{[18]XResearch source}
5
If you are both introverts, be wary of a potential to sidestep problems that neither of you like handling. Also take care to avoid creating your own bubble and failing to make friends or keep in touch with friends. While you have each other, broader perspective is absolutely essential to feeding your voracious need to process life's deeper meanings.^{[19]XExpert SourceNicolette Tura, MA
Empowerment ExpertExpert Interview. 23 January 2020.}
- If you both are too alike, there is a risk of being overly dependent on one another. Be alert to this potential and be sure to widen your social circle and spend time doing some things apart. While it is a source of comfort to be so similar, do not make it into a crutch.
- Enjoy the fact that both of you are of one mind while making an effort to keep challenging one another to live life as fully as possible.
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Tips

Be the quiet one sometimes. Your friend isn't always in a quiet mood. Introverts definitely have moments when they love to sing, dance and be the center of attention ever so briefly.
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Being shy is not the same as being introverted. While some introverts might be shy, it is a mistake to label all introverts as shy. Shyness is about fearing social contact and situations; introversion is about finding such situations exhausting and overwhelming if in too large a dose. That said, a shy introvert is probably experiencing a double dose of anxiety during social events.
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Highly sensitive persons (HSPs), as noted by Elaine Aron, are not the same as introverts. HSPs are found in both spectrums, among the extroverted and the introverted, although HSPs are more likely to be introverted than not.
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Warnings

Open space offices are not a good environment for many introverts. The level of noise, constant interruptions and lack of privacy can cause introverts to feel exposed, vulnerable and overwhelmed.
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Be aware that the person you're dealing with may not realize yet that he or she is an introvert. If the person is always irritable, seems overwhelmed and over-stimulated in social and work environments, there is a possibility that this person has yet to come to terms with his or her personality needs and isn't getting the "away" time needed to rejuvenate the energy. You might be in a great position to suggest that they could benefit from understanding introverted traits more.
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