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If you're around a person who will just not stop talking, it can shred your nerves. At some point, it's probably politic to step in and politely ask them to be quiet. It can be done, so listen up!
Steps
This is for the long-winded friend, colleague or relative.
Interrupt and ask them nicely if they won't stop. Come up with something about how it has been lovely talking but you really need to either say your piece, or perhaps leave now.[1] It may be helpful to prepare a list of possible conversation ender statements based on your level of engagement with the person.- If you have found the conversation enjoyable and you'd like to stay in touch with them, you can say, "I've thoroughly enjoyed visiting with you and would like to continue this conversation. Would you be open to meeting for lunch sometime?"
- Or, "It has been so good to learn everything you've had to say Sally but I'm really pressed for time now, and I do have to let you know that X and then I have to go. Do you mind if I just quickly explain this, then bolt off? We can catch again another day."
- If the conversation is not likely to go further, be polite and say, "I've appreciated our time together. Thanks for sharing the stories about your business travels. I'll keep those lessons in mind on my travels. It's been great visiting with you."
Identify the situation. In some cases, it's okay to just say "see ya" and take off or go into your own world. Are you out grocery shopping, getting your nails done, walking the dog down the street or sitting in your house when a neighbor comes over? If you were or are doing any of these things, it is alright to completely get up and walk away or just make a gesture that you've heard but you're now concentrating on something.Advertisement
Stop listening. If the person keeps talking without taking a break or letting you have say, stop caring whether or not they are in the middle of talking. All these things are “me time” situations. This gives you the right to not listen and continue your day.
Make gestures. Show that it's time to wind up the discussion with some well known gestures aimed at identifying that enough is enough.- Start to tap your watch. Maybe the person will see that you are pressed for time.
- In the middle of the conversation, just start yawning and looking away. Do this every five minutes. This clues the person that you are tired and need some rest.
Go join another conversation with people you actually know. Make sure the person does not follow you. If this happens, you’re on your own. Now they have become stalkers![2]
Make excuses. This is actually the fun part. You can be creative. You can say things like; “I’m late to salsa class”, “I forgot to make my bed”, “It’s time for me to juice my grapes”.[3]
If nothing from the above works, firmly say "Please be quiet for a moment!" to the person talking. You have had enough so they have earned such abruptness when they simply won't stop. Once they finished being shocked and realized what you've done, then either apologize for being a but too brusque or even stand up to make a move to go away. Either way, it will make them think twice next time about ear-bashing you, knowing how it affects you.[4]- A less bossy way could be to infer that they are just talking too much by making a statement such as: "The quieter you become, the more you can hear." Or "Shhh, can you hear that? It's the sound of just being."
- If the person has been gossiping, some curt lines include: "If you can't be kind/positive, at least be quiet." Or, "So much to say about the same issue! It suggests to me you really aren't as blameless as you're insisting." Or, "If it's not your story, then don't tell it."
- If you're feeling totally fed up and mean, opine: "The secret to being boring is to say everything." Just be aware that it's likely to cause the other person to be shocked.
This is for the library chatters.
Tell the person to stop chatting or making noise. Ask them if they would mind taking their conversation somewhere else in the room, where it's permitted, or to talk quietly.
Tell the chatty person that it is affecting your work and that you cannot concentrate. Only do this if they respect you; a bullying or bossy type will just think this is hilarious.
Ask another person to tell the chatty person to be quiet. If a person refuses to be quiet in a library or other quiet space, draw this to the attention of those in charge of the place. They'll enforce quiet rules for you.
Stay calm and courteous when you are asking people to be quiet. Most people don't mean to talk loudly, and some people don't realize how much the sound carries.[5]
Community Q&A
- QuestionWhat if none of these options work?
Community AnswerIf none of these options work, stay calm and politely tell your teacher or boss about the situation and ask them if they can help to quiet the person down. - QuestionHow do I tell co-workers to quiet down, nicely?
TamaraTop AnswererThe key here is tone. You could say, "Hey guys, would you please keep it down?" with as little irritation in your voice as possible. - QuestionWhat should I do if people won't listen to or acknowledge me?
Tom De BackerTop AnswererAssuming this is in a professional situation, say, in an office, you simply do not accept being ignored. Stay calm and polite, speak firmly but be concise. Expect that what you say will be respected and adhered to. Try to find a compromise, a middle ground, but stand firm.
Video
Tips
- Be careful to not raise your voice while you are telling the person.Thanks
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-couch/201204/5-steps-dealing-people-who-talk-too-much
- ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/dealing-with-a-toxic-friendship
- ↑ https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/health-fitness/mental-health/how-to-deal-with-people-who-talk-too-much?page=1
- ↑ https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/health-fitness/mental-health/how-to-deal-with-people-who-talk-too-much?page=1
- ↑ https://dictionaryblog.cambridge.org/2022/07/06/can-we-keep-this-civil-polite-ways-to-ask-people-to-behave-better/
About This Article
To tell someone to be quiet in a library or other quiet space, ask if they would mind taking their conversation to an area where talking is permitted. Alternatively, tell them that their chatting is affecting you ability to work or concentrate. Regardless of your approach, make sure to speak to the person in a calm and courteous manner, since most people don’t realize how much their voices carry. If the person refuses to be quiet, ask a librarian or someone else in charge to enforce the quiet rules. For more advice, including how to tell a long-winded coworker or relative to be quiet, keep reading.
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