How to Teach Phone Etiquette to Teens

While many teens know how to use a phone to text, surf the web, and make calls, they might not be familiar with proper phone etiquette. To ensure they are successful in life, though, it is important to teach teens phone etiquette. Provide your teen with examples of good phone etiquette so they know what it looks like. Try to anticipate areas of etiquette that will be challenging for them and provide appropriate workarounds. Have a penalty system in place (such as revoking phone privileges) if your teen does not adhere to good phone etiquette.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Teaching Good Communication

1
Teach your teen to be respectful.^{[1]XResearch source} Communicating over the phone is not much different than communicating in face-to-face interactions. Remind your teen that being polite, using language that does not deliberately offend or anger the other speaker, and waiting their turn to talk are all important habits that contribute to healthy, positive communication on the phone as well as off.^{[2]XExpert SourceTami Claytor
Etiquette CoachExpert Interview. 29 September 2020.}
- Share the “Golden Rule” with your teen. This rule describes a course of action in which you treat others the way you’d like to be treated. Always practice the Golden Rule and direct your teen to do likewise.
- If your teen has trouble communicating respectfully off the phone, they will probably have trouble communicating respectfully on the phone. In this situation, teach both skills together.
2
Explain to your teen how to place a formal call. If your teen is trying to call a business, make a doctor’s appointment, or get information from an official agency, they cannot use the familiar tone and language that they might when talking to their friends or family. In order to be taken seriously by potential employers, college advisors, and other authority figures, they should use a more direct, businesslike approach on the phone.^{[3]XExpert SourceTami Claytor
Etiquette CoachExpert Interview. 29 September 2020.}
- Demonstrate formal telephone conversation. Offer a simple script he or she could use. For instance: “Hello, this is [insert teen’s name]. May I please speak with [person your teen wants to speak with]?”
- Remind your teen that if the person is unavailable they should always ask, “Can I leave a message?” or “When would be a good time to reach him/her?”
- Teach your teen to thank the person they spoke with before ending official calls.
- Tell your teen to always state their name, number, and reason for calling when leaving a formal voicemail.
3
Work with your teen to improve the quality of their conversation. What your teen says on the phone is as important as how they say it. Teach your teen how to have an engaging and informative conversation on the phone.^{[4]XTrustworthy SourceUnderstoodNonprofit organization dedicated to resources and support to people with thinking differences, such as ADHD or dyslexiaGo to source}
- You can play a game where you challenge your teen to answer questions with more than one word. Challenge them to answer questions with more than just "yes" or "no."
- Teach your teen to ask questions if they did not hear or understand something. Instead of answering with silence or "I don't know," they can say, "I'm sorry. I didn't catch that. Could you say it again?"
- Try roleplaying conversations that the teen might have on the phone. This will teach them how to handle these conversations.
^{[5]XResearch source} Explain to your teen that phone microphones are often poorly made, and the audio on the other end might not be audible. In these cases, it’s okay for your teen to speak up a bit and ask their conversation partner if they can hear them better.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Teaching Your Teen Where to Use the Phone

1
Insist that your teen does not use the phone while driving.^{[6]XResearch source} Talking on the phone while driving can be a distraction that your teen can’t afford. Tell your teen that talking on the phone is dangerous not only for them, but for their passengers and other drivers around them, too. Plus, in many states and municipalities, it is also illegal.
- If your teen has a hard time staying off the phone while driving, suggest that they turn the phone off when driving, or leave it at home.
- Remind your teen that talking and driving is impolite as well as unsafe, since he or she won’t be able to devote their full attention to the conversation.
- Discourage your teen from using hands-free phone headsets or in-car audio systems, too. Just because they are hands-free doesn’t mean they aren’t a distraction.
- More than 25% of all car crashes involve phone use, including hands-free phones.^{[7]XResearch source}
2
Ask your teen to think before using the phone in the company of others.^{[8]XResearch source} Knowing exactly when to use the phone can be tricky. Many people of all ages use the phone in front of others. However, it is not always acceptable to do so. Using the phone when others are present can make other people feel that they are not important or aren’t being listened to. Ask your teen how they would feel if someone did this to them, or to recall a time when they actually experienced this situation.
- Using the phone in formal situations – weddings, conferences, and club meetings, for instance – is usually not a good idea. Encourage your teen to ask themselves, “Would anyone be upset if I was using my phone instead of paying attention to the proceedings?”
- On the other hand, when teens are hanging out in a casual environment with their friends, it might be acceptable for them to use their phone. Let your teen know that on these occasions, it is probably alright for them to use their phone. However, encourage your teen to stay off their phone if their friend is trying to communicate something important, emotional, or serious.
- Advise your teen to pay attention to social cues to help them understand when it is and is not okay to use their phone. For instance, if their conversation partner remarks sarcastically about their phone use, they should take this as a sign that they are overusing their phone.
3
Teach your child to use the “10-foot” rule.^{[9]XResearch source} The 10-foot rule demands that people who are on the phone are at least 10 feet (three meters) from others when talking on the phone in a public place. If your teen needs to communicate with someone, instruct them to simply excuse themselves and go somewhere where their conversation will not disrupt those around them.
- The 10-foot rule is also important for texting.^{[10]XResearch source} If your teen is texting furiously, they might forget that they’re in a public space. To avoid other people looking over their shoulder at their conversation and snooping into their private business, encourage your teen to find a private space to send text messages and browse the web.
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Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Knowing When to Use the Phone

Standard phone etiquette means that you don’t place calls before 7:00 on weekdays or before 9:30 on weekends. If you call before these times, you – or your teen – might wake someone up. You should also not call during dinner time, since people do not want to have their meals and family time interrupted. Tell your teen that the last phone call of the day should be made no later than 10:00, since after that, most people will be asleep in bed.
2
Discourage your teen from using the phone when angry.^{[11]XResearch source} If they text or call someone while angry, they might say something they regret. Ask your teen to think of a time when they were angry and said or did something that they later regretted. By helping them remember past regrets, you’ll help them understand why good phone etiquette means communicating in a cool, calm, and collected manner.
- Alternately, or in addition to encouraging them to recall a time they lashed out in anger, you could share an example from your own life in which you said something (either in person or over the phone) that you later felt bad about. This is another way to help them see the dangers of using the phone while angry.
3
Turn the phone off as needed.^{[12]XResearch source} If your teen is in class, in church, at the library or movie theatre, or at another function that demands silence, remind them to turn their phone off. If it goes off, it will both embarrass your teen and irritate those around them. And if you’re with your teen when their phone goes off at an inappropriate time, it will embarrass you, too.
- At the very least, recommend to your teen to use the silent mode. In silent mode, the phone remains on but will rapidly vibrate so they can still receive alerts that they are receiving a call. They can then exit the quiet environment and go somewhere to take the call or answer the text message.
- Encourage them to turn off their phone while studying or working. This can help improve their focus. Furthermore, if they are working with other people, their phone will not be a distraction to the group.
4
Remind your teen to use their camera responsibly. Direct your child to always ask before taking photos of others. Some people do not like having their photo taken. Good etiquette requires your teen to think about their privacy as well as their friend’s privacy when sending and receiving photos.
- Remind your child that photos sent with “temporary” message services like Snapchat might not be truly temporary. To protect their privacy, encourage your child to refrain from sending inappropriate photos.
- Teach your child to be cautious posting photos online. They should ask other people before putting their picture on social media, and they should not post embarrassing pictures of themselves. These can come back to haunt them later.
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Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Adopting Useful Teaching Methods

1
Get into your teen’s shoes. Try to see the situation from their eyes before you begin teaching them phone etiquette. This will help you anticipate potential points of confusion and better understand where they’re coming from. Teaching anything well requires understanding your audience.
- Observe your teen’s behavior on the phone before teaching them phone etiquette. That way, you’ll know what areas of phone etiquette your teen understands well and which areas he or she needs to improve.
2
Be able to justify each piece of etiquette. Your teen might not immediately understand why phone etiquette is important or how it can impact the perception others have of them. Think carefully about each piece of etiquette you share with your teen and, be sure you fully understand why etiquette matters.
- You could provide specific justification for each piece of phone etiquette, or you could generalize your justification with a statement like, “Phone etiquette is an important way of showing respect to the person you’re speaking to and those around you.”
- Ask your teen how they would like it if someone was using bad etiquette around them. For example, you can say, "How would you like it if your friends were constantly playing on their phones while hanging out with you?"
- Teens are intelligent and curious people. They may have follow-up questions about phone etiquette and how to best behave in a given situation. Listen carefully to their concerns and do your best to explain why they should follow a certain course.
^{[13]XResearch source}^{[14]XResearch source} The best way to teach phone etiquette to your teen is to practice good phone etiquette yourself. For instance, if you’re in the car with your child and your phone goes off, ask your teen to answer for you. They might be annoyed, but they will get the message that driving and talking on the phone is not good phone etiquette.
4
Have a penalty system in place.^{[15]XResearch source} If your teen is not conforming to phone etiquette – especially in ways that are dangerous or disruptive – remove their phone privileges for a set period of time. Ensure your teen knows the penalty for not conforming to phone etiquette. The amount of time you forbid them from using their phones depends on your opinion of the severity of the offense. ^{[16]XResearch source}
- For repeat offenders who refuse to comply with good phone etiquette, you might ban phones for one week.
- For a minor infraction against the rules of good phone etiquette, you might forbid phone use for just a day or two.
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Expert Q&A

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Question
How should I answer the phone at home?
Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach
Tami Claytor is an Etiquette Coach, Image Consultant, and the Owner of Always Appropriate Image and Etiquette Consulting in New York, New York. With over 20 years of experience, Tami specializes in teaching etiquette classes to individuals, students, companies, and community organizations. Tami has spent decades studying cultures through her extensive travels across five continents and has created cultural diversity workshops to promote social justice and cross-cultural awareness. She holds a BA in Economics with a concentration in International Relations from Clark University. Tami studied at the Ophelia DeVore School of Charm and the Fashion Institute of Technology, where she earned her Image Consultant Certification.
Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach
Expert Answer
At home, I'd just say "hello," or "hi." Be warm and engaging. If you have caller ID and you know who is calling you, say "hi Susan, how are you?" or whatever.
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Question
How do I answer the phone at work if I don't know who is calling?
Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach
Tami Claytor is an Etiquette Coach, Image Consultant, and the Owner of Always Appropriate Image and Etiquette Consulting in New York, New York. With over 20 years of experience, Tami specializes in teaching etiquette classes to individuals, students, companies, and community organizations. Tami has spent decades studying cultures through her extensive travels across five continents and has created cultural diversity workshops to promote social justice and cross-cultural awareness. She holds a BA in Economics with a concentration in International Relations from Clark University. Tami studied at the Ophelia DeVore School of Charm and the Fashion Institute of Technology, where she earned her Image Consultant Certification.
Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach
Expert Answer
If your company has a policy regarding answering the phone, do that. Otherwise, just pick up the phone and you say, "Hi, this is Tami, how may I help you?" You don't need to do anything fancy. They're calling you for a reason, so just give them the space to speak.
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Thank you for your feedback.
If How.com.vn has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission.Support How.com.vn
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