How to Survive Going Through Pregnancy Alone As a Teen

Being a pregnant teen can be stressful and overwhelming, but that doesn't mean you have to go through it alone. If the father of your child isn't in the picture, find other supports to help you through this process. Reach out to your family, your friends, and your community. Understand the challenges of pregnancy in order to make more informed decisions about your baby. Remember to take care and love yourself.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Finding Support

1
Strengthen your support system of friends and family. Identify family members that may be able to provide you with advice and guidance regarding pregnancy.^{[1]XExpert SourceJennifer Butt, MD
Board Certified Obstetrician & GynecologistExpert Interview. 13 March 2020.} Find friends and family that you trust, and that you know can help you during a difficult time.
- Spend more time with relatives and family that believe in you and support you.
- Avoid people who make you feel bad about yourself or your pregnancy. This may include avoiding your baby's father if he is hurtful, negative, and unsupportive.
- Seek advice from adult relatives such as parents, grandparents, or aunts that have been through pregnancy before.
2
Reach out to your school or community for support. Avoid feeling alone or isolated. Even if school has been difficult for you, identify a teacher or school counselor who you can trust with what you're facing. Consider other supports in your community where you can go to feel safe and understood. Consider these:
- School counselors who can provide information about teen pregnancy resources and options
- Community centers that support the needs of pregnant teens. You can find resource centers in your area through Option Line: http://optionline.org/ or call 1-800-712-435.
- Counseling centers to help you cope with feeling alone
- Church groups or organizations that provide pregnancy resources
- Health clinics that provide health education regarding pregnancy, such as Planned Parenthood. See the variety of health services they offer: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/ or call 1-800-230-PLAN
- Online supports and hotlines for pregnant teens, such as American Pregnancy Helpline. Contact them online or via phone: http://www.thehelpline.org/ or 1-866-942-6466
- Peer groups or support groups for pregnant teens
3
Identify someone you trust who can guide you through the pregnancy. Make sure to have a best friend, parent, or close relative who can be present when you make decisions about your pregnancy, as well as when you go to doctor's appointments.^{[2]XExpert SourceJennifer Butt, MD
Board Certified Obstetrician & GynecologistExpert Interview. 13 March 2020.} Even if your baby's father isn't there, that doesn't mean that there aren't others who will step in and give you the support and love you need.^{[3]XTrustworthy SourceNational Health Service (UK)Public healthcare system of the UKGo to source}
- Talk with a relative or close friend to request that they attend important doctor's visits or health appointments with you.
- See if they are willing to attend other meetings such as those at community centers or support groups that provide you with additional pregnancy information.
- Choose someone who is consistently reliable and dependable, and makes sure to prioritize your needs.
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Making Plans

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Consider the responsibilities of child care. Pregnancy is a big step toward more responsibility. Raising a child requires maturity. If you are planning to have the child, and the baby's father is not involved, think about what child care may look like in the future.
- Do you plan to raise your child? Where will you live? Who will you live with? Are the people who you're planning to stay with responsible and willing to participate in child care? How do you plan to support your child?
- Talk with your relatives about the challenges that they may have faced with child care. Understand what supports will be available for you after a child's birth.
- Go to a community center for pregnant teens or talk a school counselor about child care.
- There may be low or no-cost childcare assistance options in your area for teen mothers. Many states offer financial aid and childcare care assistance while you are attending school. It is an incentive to continue school while caring for your baby.
2
Assess whether to keep your baby. As a pregnant teen, you may be unsure about whether to move forward with the pregnancy and to keep your baby. If your baby's father is not in the picture, you may want to see guidance from other trusted family members and friends. Find supports that you can trust to consider these options:^{[4]XResearch source}
- Go forward the pregnancy. Decide to keep the baby and raise the child.
- Consider placing your baby for adoption. Give your baby to a loving home, possibly to couples who may be struggling to have children.
- Consider terminating the pregnancy. There are many different reasons why this may be a viable option when you are pregnant and a teenager. Talk with counselor or healthcare provider about what this may involve.
3
Keep active in school. Though surviving school while pregnant may be difficult, in the long run it is both beneficial to you and your baby's future. It can be overwhelming and stressful to feel alone and pregnant. Use to your time in school as a way to focus on your future, and to believe that you can be stronger, happier, and smarter.^{[5]XResearch source}
- Talk with your school counselor or a trusted teacher to help you through this difficult time of being pregnant.
- Consider ways to continue your studies even if it's not in the regular classroom. See if your school district has programs for pregnant teens to help them stay focused on being healthy and staying in school.
- Pregnant teens who drop out of school are more likely to have difficulty with finding work or supporting themselves in the future. Make your education and your pregnancy both a priority.
4
Determine options for financial assistance as a teen mom. If you decide to move forward and raise the child, you may be faced with increased expenses to care for your baby. For lower income families, there are a number of options for financial assistance.^{[6]XResearch source}
- Teen mothers are generally eligible for cash assistance through the Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) Bureau. Contact your state's local benefits office regarding TANF support.
- Many pregnant teens qualify for Medicaid which can help you to get prenatal and postnatal care for your child. You can apply through your state's local benefits office.
- There is a federal program called Women, Infants, and Children (WIC) that supplies food and baby care items for free to low income families. Find out about your eligibility: http://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/wic-eligibility-requirements
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Taking Care of Yourself

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Get regular prenatal care. Go to your regular prenatal visits with your obstetrician. Follow the instructions of your doctor to keep yourself and your baby safe and healthy.^{[7]XExpert SourceJennifer Butt, MD
Board Certified Obstetrician & GynecologistExpert Interview. 13 March 2020.} Have a trusted friend or family member present to help ask questions.^{[8]XTrustworthy SourceMayo ClinicEducational website from one of the world's leading hospitalsGo to source}
- Discuss any medication questions with your healthcare provider.
- Talk about recommendations such as prenatal vitamins and other things to keep healthy.
- Don't smoke, drink alcohol, or use drugs. This puts your baby at high risk for birth defects or developmental problems. If you are having trouble with quitting, talk with a counselor or healthcare provider for treatment or referrals for support.
2
Reduce your stress. Being pregnant can be tough. Learn to cope with the stressors of pregnancy and feeling alone. If you're depressed and anxious, find ways to relax and reduce your stress. Give time to focus on staying calm each day.
- Take a shower or warm bath.
- Listen to soothing music.
- Write in a journal about the stressors. Focus on at least one positive thing each time.
- Talk with friends or family when you're feeling down.
- Read something you enjoy.
- Do an activity that lets out your creative side.
3
Stay healthy and active. Eating healthy and staying active are important whether your pregnant or not.^{[9]XExpert SourceWendy Powell
Maternal Health & Exercise SpecialistExpert Interview. 24 September 2020.} But when you're feeling particularly sad or down, it can be even more important to stay active and get moving. Focus on the positive things that you can do to make your body healthier and happier:
- Choose foods that are rich in vitamins and nutrients. Avoid high fat or high sugar foods.
- Exercise. Consult your doctor about an exercise plan that may work best while pregnant. Consider walking, hiking a nature trail, or swimming.
- Do activities that make you feel more connected to your friends and family. Attend outings with your relatives. Go to the mall with friends. Do things that keep your mind and body active.
- Don't feel stuck at home. Try new things and find new ways to enjoy yourself with supportive friends and family.
4
Love yourself. When you find out that you're pregnant, you may feel shame, stress, or anxiety about what to do. If your baby's father has pulled away from you, you may feel upset that he's not there. Remember that you can't control his behavior. But you can find ways to love and respect yourself.
- Remind yourself of three things that you love about yourself. It could be something about the way you look, your personality, or something good you've done recently.
- Avoid relying on your partner to determine your worth. You deserve to be loved and respected. You determine your worth.
- When you're feeling sad or alone, close your eyes and imagine a place that fills you with joy and happiness.
- Find places where you can go that make you feel safe and loved.
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Expert Q&A

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Question
How do you choose a hospital for delivery?
Jennifer Butt, MD
Board Certified Obstetrician & Gynecologist
Jennifer Butt, MD, is a board certified Obstetrician and Gynecologist operating her private practice, Upper East Side OB/GYN, in New York City, New York. She is affiliated with Lenox Hill Hospital. She earned a BA in Biological Studies from Rutgers University and an MD from Rutgers – Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. She then completed her residency in obstetrics and gynecology at Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital. Dr. Butt is board certified by the American Board of Obstetrics and Gynecology. She is a Fellow of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists and a member of the American Medical Association.
Jennifer Butt, MD
Board Certified Obstetrician & Gynecologist
Expert Answer
That decision should definitely be made in the very beginning. Research physicians to see where they deliver and have hospital privileges. Make sure to find a hospital that is preferably in your area and is not out of the way or difficult to get to. If you can, inquire about doing a tour at a particular hospital before delivery.
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Question
What are good breathing techniques during delivery?
Jennifer Butt, MD
Board Certified Obstetrician & Gynecologist
Jennifer Butt, MD, is a board certified Obstetrician and Gynecologist operating her private practice, Upper East Side OB/GYN, in New York City, New York. She is affiliated with Lenox Hill Hospital. She earned a BA in Biological Studies from Rutgers University and an MD from Rutgers – Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. She then completed her residency in obstetrics and gynecology at Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital. Dr. Butt is board certified by the American Board of Obstetrics and Gynecology. She is a Fellow of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists and a member of the American Medical Association.
Jennifer Butt, MD
Board Certified Obstetrician & Gynecologist
Expert Answer
My first rule would be to listen to what your doctor instructs you to do. When working with my patients, I instruct them to take a deep breath in and hold their breath for 10 seconds while pushing. Then, I instruct them to exhale. We do that three times total for each contraction. That's generally how most physicians practice delivery.
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Tips

Avoid blaming yourself. Remember that many teens face the same difficulty that you're facing. Also, many children born to teenage mothers face limited support from the baby's fathers. If your baby's father is not involved, seek support from other pregnant teens. You are not alone.
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Warnings

If your baby's father was abusive or manipulative, find ways to distance yourself and your baby from him. Keep yourself and your baby safe during pregnancy. If you feel that you have been disrespected or mistreated by your baby's father, contact Love Is Respect: http://www.loveisrespect.org/ or 1-866-331-8453.
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If you are using alcohol or illegal drugs while pregnant, not only does this endanger your baby, but your substance use could threaten your legal rights as parent and guardian for your baby. Seek alcohol or drug treatment to help stay safe and strong during this time.^{[10]XResearch source}
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