How to Support Men As a Feminist

Feminism is the idea that men and women should be treated equitably. It is often misunderstood as women trying to rise above or subvert men. But feminism means fair treatment of women as the equal of men...and conversely, men the equal of women, too. If you want to support men as a feminist, here is how to combat the ways that patriarchy hurts men, and support men in your quest to make the world a better place.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Supporting Men's Issues

1
Question and fight restrictive gender roles. Both men and women have been forced to be ways because of gender, rather than allowing men to show emotion or women be assertive. Speak up against the idea that masculinity is superior to femininity, and that a man who does feminine things is somehow inferior.
- Speak up if you see boys or men being treated badly for liking "girly" things such as sewing, fashion, literature, "chick flicks", TV shows aimed at women, "women's" clothes, or the color pink.^{[1]XResearch source}
- If you see a man doing traditionally feminine things, smile and treat him exactly the same as you would if he were a man doing masculine things or a woman doing feminine things.
- Pay special attention to how gay men are often stereotyped as "effeminate". Gay people are just as diverse as straight people (this also includes bisexual people, asexual people, and the vast range of people and ways to be).
2
Value men's emotions. Men face a world in which they are told to "man up", "boys don't cry", and show little emotion--unless maybe it is anger. Society considers expressing emotion to be feminine,^{[2]XResearch source} and men who cry or show weakness may be ridiculed.^{[3]XResearch source} This is bad for their health.^{[4]XResearch source} Take a man seriously if he cries or expresses feelings. Listen to him and treat his emotional expression like it is as natural as if it were done by a woman.
- Speak up if someone belittles a man for crying or being vulnerable. Women are allowed to do this and men should be too.
- Words can hurt men just like anyone else. Don't throw around hurtful words and expect a man not to care.
3
Support men in fatherhood and child care roles. Men can be wonderful fathers, uncles, grandfathers, babysitters, teachers, and nannies. A man caring for children should be regarded just as natural as a woman caring for children.^{[5]XResearch source}
- Respect stay-at-home dads, or dads who put their family or their wife's career before their own. Treat them like their decisions are completely normal and respectable.
- Support men in their household activities. Challenge the notion that certain hobbies or activities should be done only by women or only by men. Whether a man is cooking, cleaning, gardening, or sewing, avoid the assumption that this is out of the gender norm.
- Fight the idea that women (and only women) have an innate maternal instinct. Some women are good with children, some are not, some men are good with children, and some aren't. Both maternal love and paternal love are natural and valuable.
- A fathers does not "babysit" his children, he fathers them. Stop using the term "sitter" for fathers. It suggests that a father is the lesser caretaker. It is both dismissive of fathers and suggests that only women can raise children.
4
Don't say "boys will be boys" when a man acts sexist or harasses/abuses someone. Men are capable of basic self-control and decency, and pretending otherwise enables toxic people and treats men like a different species. This is a toxic and harmful message for boys and men. Pose the idea that men are 100% capable of self-control, and that they know very well what is right and wrong.^{[6]XResearch source}^{[7]XResearch source}
- Speak up if someone excuses a bad man's actions by saying "that's just how men are." It's not.
- Hold rapists (male or otherwise) accountable, and never blame the victim.
- Advocate for comprehensive sexual education including how to determine if you have consent,^{[8]XResearch source} stay safe, manage power dynamics in relationships, handle sexual frustration, and recognize the signs of a dangerous relationship.
- Fight the idea that men have uncontrollable sex drives.
5
Don't pretend it's cute or silly if a woman mistreats a man. Even in the absence of sexist gender dynamics, abuse is abuse and it's wrong. Everyone, including men, deserves to be treated with basic respect and decency. Male victims may worry about being perceived as less manly or about how people may react if they try to defend others. If you see someone mistreating a guy, speak up and say it's not okay.
- Verbal bullying against a man is still bullying and it can hurt. Society often pretends men don't have real feelings. But that's not true.
- Sexual harassment isn't funny. Men and boys shouldn't have to deal with people making unwanted comments about their bodies or grabbing them inappropriately.
- It's wrong to hit a man who isn't posing an immediate threat to anyone. Hitting a man because you're mad at him isn't okay.
- A woman lying, acting overly possessive, isolating, or hitting her male partner isn't her being a "girlboss." Empowering women doesn't mean mistreating men. This is a sign of a toxic or abusive relationship.
Consider: The idea that a woman mistreating a man isn't serious comes from the idea that men are stronger than women. If women are so much weaker, then they can't really hurt men. But the truth is that women can be strong, powerful, and skilled. That also means that a bad woman can do real damage. The idea of female abusers needs to be taken seriously.
6
Support male rape and abuse victims. Abuse and assault are terrible tragedies,^{[9]XResearch source} and it's important that emotional support support and health care are available to victims.^{[10]XTrustworthy SourceRape, Abuse, and Incest National NetworkLargest anti-sexual assault organization in the US providing support and advocacy for survivorsGo to source}^{[11]XResearch source} Work for a world in which all victims are taken seriously. Nobody should tell a male survivor that he is weak, that he secretly wanted it, or that this makes him "gay" (which is homophobic too).
- If someone says they have been raped, believe them. Only around 2-8% of rape allegations are false,^{[12]XResearch source} and many victims stay quiet because they fear they will not be taken seriously.^{[13]XResearch source}^{[14]XResearch source}^{[15]XResearch source}^{[16]XTrustworthy SourceRape, Abuse, and Incest National NetworkLargest anti-sexual assault organization in the US providing support and advocacy for survivorsGo to source}
- Challenge people who laugh at the idea of rape, state that men can not be victims,^{[17]XResearch source} or make fun of male abuse victims.
- Work for the availability of rape crisis centers, counseling, and other resources. Male, female, and non-binary victims all deserve support.
7
Consider campaigning against routine infant circumcision. Consent is one of the key values of feminism. Infants cannot consent to a medically unnecessary, permanent procedure.^{[18]XResearch source}
- Researchers say that circumcision can reduce the risk of STIs, cancer, and other illnesses. It does not appear to impact sexual function.^{[19]XTrustworthy SourcePubMed CentralJournal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of HealthGo to source} However, there's the question of whether it's ethical to do this to an infant instead of letting them make this decision later in life.^{[20]XResearch source}
- Keep in mind that not all children who are circumcised are boys. Some may be intersex or turn out to be transgender.
- A simple ban may not protect all babies. Some worry that bans could lead to underground and unsafe circumcisions.^{[21]XResearch source} Finding a better answer will be complicated.
8
Argue against the draft. Forced conscription of men into the army goes against the value of consent—nobody, men included, should be forced to fight in a war against their will. If a draft is ever used in your country, speak up against it.
- Feminists have historically argued against the draft.^{[22]XResearch source}^{[23]XResearch source}^{[24]XResearch source}
9
Seek to support people with mental health issues. Men are more likely to successfully commit suicide,^{[25]XResearch source}^{[26]XResearch source} and may be discouraged from seeking help because they view it as a sign of weakness. Work on reducing the stigma of mental illness, and support people with disorders from depression to schizophrenia.
10
Seek for an end to toxic masculinity.^{[27]XResearch source} Men should feel free to be as masculine or feminine as they please, without society pushing them to "be a man" and alter their personal choices. Advocate to let boys and men be free of pressures to appear more masculine or aggressive.^{[28]XResearch source}Masculinity should be a choice, not a restriction.
- As a parent, be conscious of how you treat your children. Parents (even parents who think they are treating their children equally) tend to be harsher on boys.^{[29]XResearch source} Give your sons the same compassion, patience, and affection that you give to your daughters. Treat a crying boy the same way you'd treat a crying girl.
11
Fight hard for intersectional issues. You aren't here only for the white, cishet, non-disabled, thin, etc. men—you're working to help all men. Spend time on intersectional issues such as racism, classism, LGBT+ rights, and more. There are many ways to support men that aren't focused only on gender; getting involved in these social issues supports men facing these other hurdles, as well. Here are some examples:
- Fighting the frequent execution of men of color and disabled men by American police
- Working to help transgender men be viewed as fully male, and to lower the high mortality rates due to murder and suicide
- Campaigning for the rights of disabled people (including men)
- Working against homophobia, biphobia, acephobia, and other discrimination against LGBT+ people (including men).
12
Work for an end to sexism and the embrace of diversity. Sexism hurts everyone, and to support men as a group and as individuals, it's important to fight gender-based stereotypes, expectations, and discrimination. Giving equal rights to everyone makes the world a better place for everyone, including men.
- Without compulsory masculinity, men could do whatever they wanted regardless of the gender binary.
- If men and women earned the same amount of money, then men wouldn't usually need to pay alimony in divorce, nor would the custom of men paying for dates have much use.
- If women had less barriers at school and work, they could be more productive and innovative, improving the economy overall.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Interacting with Activists

1
Remember not to derail conversations about women's issues. Men's issues are important. Women's issues are also important. Don't interrupt someone else's struggles to insert your own agenda.^{[30]XResearch source}^{[31]XResearch source} Honor the original topic of discussion, and if you want to talk about men's issues, feel free to start your own conversation or join one that was already about men's issues.
- Avoid useless interjections such as "Not all men _____!"^{[32]XResearch source}^{[33]XResearch source}
- Recognize the difference between "Men can also get raped!" and "Men can get raped."
- Only interject if clearly false things are being said or implied. For example it would be okay to remind people "Penises are not exclusively male genitalia, and clitorises are not exclusively female. Please don't erase transgender people."
2
Watch your sources. Some groups that address feminism or masculinity can be manipulative, untruthful, or aggressive, including a portion of Men's Rights Activists.^{[34]XResearch source} Despite their names sounding like they aim to support men, some of these groups spend their time fighting feminism and women in general.^{[35]XResearch source}^{[36]XResearch source}^{[37]XResearch source} Be careful about the company you keep and the sources you cite.^{[38]XResearch source}^{[39]XResearch source}
- You're reading this topic because you're looking to support men as a feminist. Given this stance, ask yourself: Do these men work alongside feminists, or against them?
3
Be patient with those who are genuinely ignorant. Some men are well-meaning but don't truly understand the need for feminism. They may say the wrong things, ask annoying questions, and miss the point of your answers. They are learning. Do your best to remember how you were when you first learned about feminism, and cut them some slack as they catch up.
- Take a break if you need to. You are not personally responsible for their education. If you feel frustrated or exhausted, stop.
- Practice the phrases "Why don't you look that up on the internet?" "I'm not in the mood to talk right now," and "I need some quiet time now."
4
Take extra care of yourself. Fighting for change is hard. Some people you deal with may be frustrating, rude, or downright threatening. Look after your mental health and spend time doing things you find relaxing.
- You do not have to convince everyone that feminism or men's issues matter. You are not obligated to keep talking to a person who upsets you.^{[40]XResearch source}
- Consider calling the police if you get death or rape threats. You deserve to feel safe.
5
Listen to criticism. Feminists get called out for doing problematic things—it happens. Listen closely, research independently as needed, and apologize if you hurt anyone. The mistake is less important than what you learn from it.
6
Work with men you trust. Talk to your feminist ally friend, your politically aware brother, or your sweet and respectful boyfriend. Ask them how rigid gender roles hurt them and their friends. Gather information and get feedback, so you can work well side by side.
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