How to Stop Ruminating

You may not have heard of the concept of rumination, but, chances are, you’ve fallen prey to this habit. Rumination comes from a Latin term meaning “chewing the cud”, which is what a cow does when it chews, swallows, regurgitates and chews its food again. In human terms, rumination can be described as obsessive thinking. Something bad happens and you run the whole situation through your mind over and over and over again. This form of thinking can ultimately lead to depression, so overcoming it is an important step for improving your mental health.^{[1]XTrustworthy SourceAmerican Psychological AssociationLeading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologistsGo to source}

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Shifting Your Focus

1
Search for the lesson. Even negative events that happen in your life are learning opportunities. Humans learn from trial and error, which isn’t possible without some negative events to help to push us to be creative and innovative. Focus on the chance to grow and learn from each experience.^{[2]XResearch source}
- Learn to separate yourself from things that happen to you. Instead of assuming bad things only happen to bad people, realize that bad things do happen every day and it is up to you how you react. You can look at the negative as just an experience that you can learn from. Don’t take the event personally about who you are overall and move forward.
2
Ask yourself what’s the worst that can happen. Thinking about what’s bothering you in this way can remove some of the power of your fears. The biggest part of the fear is running every scenario through your brain to the point of exhaustion. Taking a realistic approach can help. Figure out what is the worst possible outcome and then realize that, even if it were to occur, it is not the end of the world.
- This type of negative thinking can give you very real physical pain, may lead to trouble sleeping and other issues. It is important to find a way to work past the fear and live without these symptoms.^{[3]XResearch source}
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3
Remove the trigger. Sometimes, you might ruminate after encountering a certain stimulus. Look closely at your rumination behaviors and determine which triggers are causing them. Then, find ways to remove the stimulus.
- A good way to start to look at triggers is to keep a journal and write down each time you fall into this behavior. In the moment, record what thoughts or experiences started the process and this would be a trigger for you.^{[4]XResearch source}
- An example of a trigger could be a visit from your mother-in-law. If you share a rocky history, you may obsess over her next unannounced visit because you fear it will end badly.
4
Find helpful replacements. Changing a bad habit is best achieved by locating another behavior—ideally, a healthier one—that could meet the same objective.
- For example, if you tend to worry a lot about emergencies, take some time to get yourself prepared so you know even in an emergency you are OK. Put your thoughts to good use and take it a step further by helping others prepare for these events as well. It is a great distraction from running the worst case scenario in your head over and over.
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Managing Worries

1
Practice mindfulness. This means getting in touch with your thoughts, actions and reactions. This is also a process that uses calming activities like yoga to move past stress and not focus on the negative.^{[5]XTrustworthy SourceGreater Good MagazineJournal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier livingGo to source}
- Understanding that you have a tendency to overthink things is a huge step towards being mindful because you can attribute much of your stress to this habit and not to actual events. Awareness relating to the outcomes of the stress will also help in learning to not let the stress hurt you physically.
2
Schedule a daily worry period. You may not be able to completely stop the obsessive thoughts but you can isolate them to a short part of your day.
- Set aside 30 minutes each day to sit down and write about what is worrying you. Remind yourself if these worries come up during the rest of your day that you will think about the stressor only during that worry period.^{[6]XResearch source}
3
Get active. Physical activity can help you reduce stress and improve your mood. Exercise releases feel-good chemicals in the brain called endorphins that improve your mood.^{[7]XResearch source}
- Taking a long brisk walk to get the blood flowing or sweating for an hour at the gym is a solid distraction and also a way to cleanse the body of toxins. Many people see sweating as a freeing process as well as it is also a natural high.
Write about your fears and also about what really ends up happening so in the future you can compare the two. This will help to show you how much worse you make the problem by thinking the worst when it doesn’t always happen.^{[8]XResearch source}
5
See a therapist for particularly stubborn thoughts or memories. If your obsessive thoughts are interfering with daily life, it may be wise to seek help from a professional.^{[9]XResearch source}
- Treatments for rumination can include counseling, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), and behavioral interventions. There are also prescription drugs one can take to calm obsessive thoughts.
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Developing a Healthier Attitude

Trust a friend, especially someone who's survived similar situations. He or she may have a lot of good tips on how to handle it. Support groups of individuals with depression or rumination disorder are very good for gaining confidence and eliminating the shame or stigma associated with these conditions.
2
Overcome perfectionism. Having the mindset that everything you do must be done to an ideal standard will cause both mental exhaustion and anxiety. Changing a perfectionistic attitude starts with accepting that mistakes and flaws are inevitable.^{[10]XResearch source}
- Learn to spot perfectionism in yourself. Do you often have trouble meeting your own standards or only do so with immense time and effort? Do you frequently feel down in the process of trying to meet your own standards?
- You can adopt a more realistic perspective by reminding yourself with certain phrases like “Everybody makes mistakes!” or “I’m only human!” Try doing this when you make a mistake or fall short of your expectations. Over time, you will be less hard on yourself.
3
Release your need to control everything. Change what you can and learn to accept what you can’t. Practice new reactions to stressful situations and challenge yourself over time to end the obsessive thoughts.^{[11]XResearch source}
- Work with friends and family to explore ways you can let go of triggers you tend to want to control. Having support of loved ones can be nice and it also adds another level of accountability.
4
Direct your attention towards the positives in your life. You learn from both the positives and negatives in life, but for someone who is obsessing you usually focus more on the negative.^{[12]XResearch source}
- Take time each day to write down three things that were really great or happy about your day. Take the time to share these “wins” with loved ones and make it a priority. You can also ask them to participate and start to have more positive conversations.
5
Use behavioral interventions to redirect your negative thoughts. You may not even be fully aware of how often you have these thoughts until you take this step. These interventions are geared at helping you spot your old unhealthy thinking patterns and adopt a healthier, less obsessive mindset in their place.
- This can be as simple as wear a rubber band on your wrist and snapping it each time you catch yourself thinking about it when it is not time to do so. ^{[13]XResearch source}.
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Question
How do I stop beating myself up over mistakes I made on my wedding day?
Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Expert Answer
First of all, try reframing that: How do I stop beating myself up over things that didn't go well on my wedding day. Wedding days are notorious for things going wrong because we are all human, and there are so many intervening factors at play. The most important thing is to examine how things are going today. Are you happy? Did you make a good choice in your partner? Try to leave the past in the past with some of the techniques outlined in this article.
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Question
I have missed different social events for various reasons and keep speculating on what I missed out on. How can I stop focusing on my social failings?
Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Expert Answer
Try to accept your choices on a daily basis. Either choose to go or not go to various gatherings. We might always miss out on something, but perhaps for you it's more productive to focus on what you gained by opting not to go. Did you have a calm evening? Did you take care of your cold instead of getting out? Try some meditation or yoga to help feel more centered.
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Tips

If you can't find any ways in which a past trauma helped you, accept that and move on. Focus on ways you can take charge of your life now and choose the people you associate with, the things you do in order to make a living and take care of your basic needs, the place you live and what groups you belong to.
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Let go of the idea that bad things never happen to good people. It's a dangerous one that only serves to shame anyone who's had bad luck in life. When it's an accident or natural disaster it can strike anyone. When it's caused by another person's malice, you're not responsible - it was your bad luck to be in reach of that malicious person.
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Warnings

If your thoughts start to intrude on your normal daily activities and/or stop you from sleeping at night, consult your doctor.
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If counseling and therapy don't help, start searching for a different counselor or therapist. Be aware that differences in religious views, ethics, culture and background between therapist and client can interfere with even a good therapist's ability to help.
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Try seeking out a therapist who does EMDR, which can help you process distressing thoughts or memories.
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