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This article was co-authored by Paul Chernyak, LPC. Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
There are 9 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources.
This article has been viewed 139,553 times.
Communicating with your mom can be difficult, especially when you feel as though she is constantly nagging at you. Sometimes this negative communication can cause you to give your mom attitude. This will not help the situation and may actually result in your mom creating harsher rules and punishments. To stop giving your mom attitude, you should learn to control your emotions, practice healthy communication, and be respectful of your mom.
Steps
Method 1
Method 1 of 3:
Controlling Your Emotions
Remove yourself from the situation. Perhaps you just walked in the door from a stressful day at school and your mom starts pestering you to clean your room. Instead of yelling at your mom or getting upset, remove yourself from the situation and give yourself a chance to calm down.[1]- For example, you could go to your room and listen to music to help yourself relax.
- Avoid just walking away from your mom without saying anything because this is likely to make her angrier. Try saying something like, “Okay, I just need to put my things down first and I will come back and talk in a few minutes.”
Write in a journal. You can burn off some of your steam and negativity by writing in a daily journal.[2] Rather than taking out your negativity on your mom, try writing down your feelings. This may help to control your attitude and will improve your relationship with your mom.- You can write down your feelings rather than say hurtful things to your mom.
- For example, you could write "I am so mad at my mom. She wouldn't let me hang out with my friends after school today. I think she just likes to punish me for no reason."
Exercise to let off steam. Try burning off negative emotions through exercise. If you find that you are in a bad mood and are worried that your mom might be able to set off your temper, go for a walk or a light jog. Exercising can help you relax and will allow you control your temper.[3]
Don’t take your feelings out on your mom. If you are in a dispute with your friends, a teacher, or the person you are dating, you may experience heightened emotions. Do not take this anger out on your mom. Instead, you could explain to her that you are upset about some things that happened at school and need some space.- This way you will be less likely to give attitude to your mom.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:
Communicating with Your Mom
Use “I” statements. An “I” statement is more likely to lead to a good outcome than starting your sentences with “You.” “You” statements tend to put people on the defensive. Work on phrasing anything you say to your mom so that it starts with “I.”[4]- For example, instead of saying, “You never let me have any time to myself,” you might say something like, “I am feeling a little stressed right now, so I would appreciate some time to myself.”
Remain calm. If you ask your mom for something, and she says no, do not throw a temper tantrum. If you do, your mom will likely never change her mind. Instead, remain calm and explain your position. Your mom is more likely to understand your side if you communicate in a calm and rational manner.[5]- If you just walked in the door and your mom wants you to complete your chores immediately, you could respond by saying: "I need 30 minutes to unwind after school and then I will do my chores." This is more productive than starting a fight with your mom by refusing to do any chores.
Listen to what she says. When you are having a conversation with your mom it is important that you actively listen to what she is saying. Try to make eye contact with her and don’t just look at your phone the whole time. This will cause her to become frustrated and will make it appear as though you are not trying to understand her position.
Try to find a compromise. Once you and your mom are able to communicate in a respectful manner and listen to the perspective of the other person, then you will likely be able to come to a compromise on a few key issues. A successful compromise will allow you both to feel as though you reached an appropriate solution.[6]- For example, perhaps you could agree to clean your room if you are allowed to stay out with friends an hour later.
- Keep in mind that you may not always come to a compromise. If this happens, then work on a compromise for the next issue that comes up.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:
Respecting Your Mom
Don’t name call. Sometimes things can get heated when you are talking to your mom, but you should always try to respect her. Don’t use hurtful words or call her names. This will only make the situation worse.- Remember that what you put out is often what you get back. If you show respect to your mom, then she is more likely to show respect to you in return.
Follow the rules she has set. You and your mom may fight consistently over breaking curfew or not completing your chores. You can avoid these types of confrontations by following the rules your mom has set. You are less likely to give your mom attitude if you are not constantly coming into conflict with each other.- For example, if you are supposed to make your bed each morning, do it. This way you won’t give her an opportunity to be mad at you.
- You may also consider working with your mom to come to an agreement on the rules, if your mom is open to it. This will help to show that you are mature and willing to follow rules, but it will also allow you to have some say in what those rules are.
Remember that she is just looking out for you. Many conflicts that happen between you and your mom are likely caused by a general misunderstanding. Try to practice empathy to better understand your mom’s perspective.[7] If you can understand her point of view, then tell her that.[8]- For example, she is probably not letting you go to that party because she is trying to protect you and has your safety in mind.
- If you can understand her position, you may be able to let go of some of the anger you feel towards her.
Take responsibility for your actions. If you have broken a rule or misbehaved and your mom confronts you about this, you need to take responsibility for your actions. You should admit to what you have done and apologize for your behaviour. You mom is more apt to forgive you if you demonstrate remorse.[9]Advertisement
Expert Q&A
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- QuestionWhat if my mother shouts at me when I am trying to explain something to her?
Paul Chernyak, LPCPaul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
Licensed Professional CounselorIt seems like your mother is overly emotional and is not open to communication at those moments. Try writing down your explanation to give to her at a later time. Provide her with some unbiased third-party information to back up your explanation if possible. This will help to open up the lines of communication. - QuestionHow can I be nicer to people physically and mentally?Paul Chernyak, LPCPaul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
Licensed Professional CounselorLearn to practice empathy. It will help you to be a better leader, a better friend, and most important, a better person.
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Tips
- If you do call her names and feel bad about it, then you should apologize to your mom.Thanks
- Tell your mom that you love her. This will help her know that you appreciate her.Thanks
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Warnings
- Never annoy her on purpose or you might regret it later.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/001942.htm
- ↑ https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentID=4552&ContentTypeID=1
- ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/anger-how-it-affects-people
- ↑ https://www.relationshipsnsw.org.au/blog/i-statements-vs-you-statements/
- ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/talk-to-parents.html#
- ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/fight.html#
- ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/guides/year-of-living-better/how-to-be-more-empathetic
- ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/fight.html
- ↑ https://blogs.psychcentral.com/best-self/2014/08/6-strategies-to-take-control-of-your-attitude-and-stay-positive/
About this article
Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
This article was co-authored by Paul Chernyak, LPC. Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011. This article has been viewed 139,553 times.
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Co-authors: 59
Updated: April 24, 2024
Views: 139,553
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