How to Speed Up a Relationship

Explore this Article

methods

1Being Honest About What You Want

2Improving Your Relationship

Other Sections

Expert Q&A

Related Articles

References

If you’re dating someone you like, you may be ready for more commitment or intimacy. If you’d like to speed up the relationship, avoid playing games. Know what you want, and learn to communicate honestly. Improving your overall relationship skills will also help encourage a healthy relationship.

Steps

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Being Honest About What You Want

1. 
   1
   Know what you want. Take the time to understand what you’re looking for in a date. Are you ready for a long-term commitment? Or are you more interested in having a sexual partner without other strings attached? You won’t be able to communicate this message to your date unless you first know it yourself.

   • Don’t get distracted by ideas about what a relationship should look like, or what amount of time it should take a relationship to develop.
   • Remember that every relationship is different. This relationship might be best at a different speed than relationships you’ve had in the past.
2. 
   2
   Be honest with your date. If you’re clear about what you’re ready for in a relationship, it’s best to share this with him up front. Tell him if you’re ready for a long-term, committed relationship.

   • On the other hand, it’s not necessary to scare him away. If you’ve only been on 3 dates and you’re feeling certain that this person is “the one” for you, you don’t have to share this information directly because it might cause him to feel pressured to respond in the same way.
   • If sexual intimacy doesn’t necessarily mean commitment to you, tell him this. He might be reluctant to speed things up if he thinks you’re pressuring him into commitment.
   Advertisement
3. 
   3
   Break it off if necessary. If it’s clear that the two of you want different things in a relationship, it’s a good idea to separate before you’re more attached. Sometimes speeding up a relationship means not putting off a break-up that could free you up for a better match.

   • Being honest with yourself and each other will help you know what’s best for you.
   • Sometimes there’s great chemistry between you and your date, but the timing isn’t right.
   • You might tell them something like "I think we're looking for different things in a relationship. Since I want something more serious, I think we should stop seeing each other."
4. 
   4
   Avoid pressuring your date. Don’t manipulate or push your date to proceed at a speed that’s too fast. Share your needs with your partner, but you shouldn’t feel like he’s judging you.

   • Don’t take it personally if your date isn’t ready to speed things up. Sometimes you’re just meeting each other at the wrong time.
   • If you don’t feel like you can talk honestly with your date, this is a bad sign for the success of your relationship.
5. 
   5
   Realize that there’s no “set” speed. If you’re feeling like you want this relationship to speed up, think about why this might be. Are you worried that he’ll leave if the relationship continues at the same rate? Do you think that increased commitment will bring security?

   • Sometimes people feel the urge to speed things up when they’re uncomfortable about certain aspects of the relationship. Going too quickly in relationships can mean ignoring warning signs.
   • If this is the case, being honest about this is important.
   • Notice if you’ve had similar experiences in other relationships. If so, think about what this might teach you about yourself.
6. 
   6
   Talk to someone you trust about your relationship. If you’d like to speed up your relationship, it will help to talk with someone you trust, whether this is a friend, a parent, or a therapist. Talking about your frustration with someone other than your date will help you get perspective on the situation.

   • Someone who’s known you a while will likely be able to offer some insight about the way you tend to be in relationship with others.
   • Spending time with people who care about you will help you feel more content in your life, and take away some pressure from the relationship.
7. 
   7
   Don’t play games. Pretending to be unavailable, not answering his texts, or acting like you’re not interested are strategies that might work in the movies, but they’re unlikely to work in real life. Delaying having sex with him because you’re angling for commitment is unhealthy, unless you also have strong convictions about premarital sex.

   • Remember that you’re not trying to trick him into commitment. You’re hoping to encourage him in developing a strong, intimate relationship.
   • If things are going well, maybe they’re going at the right speed also. Allow your relationship to unfold at its own speed.
   Advertisement

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Improving Your Relationship

1. 
   1
   Love yourself. If you’re miserable, chances are it’s going to be harder to find someone who wants to commit. Remember that a relationship won’t satisfy you unless you’re able to love yourself first.

   • Putting energy into a new relationship must come from a place of self-confidence, not neediness.
   • If your relationship is built around neediness, it’s unlikely to be healthy in the long term.
2. 
   2
   Practice self-care. Being gentle with yourself is essential to staying healthy in a relationship. Make sure that you’re tending to your needs, both physical and mental. This means taking the time to exercise, meditate, relax, spending time with friends, doing activities that you enjoy.

   • Don’t expect another person to meet all your needs. Take time to relax and enjoy being with yourself. Take a bubble bath, go on a walk, or read a book.
   • Caring for yourself will have a wonderful effect on your well-being, which will benefit all your relationships.
3. 
   3
   Acknowledge that relationships can be hard. Accepting someone else’s differences, and admitting your own shortcomings, isn’t easy to do. This process of discovery can be painful, but sometimes the most difficult parts of relationships result in the most personal growth.

   • You might find ways that you carry pain from past relationships is affecting your experience with this person.
   • It’s possible to waste a lot of energy resenting the fact that relationships can be hard. When you expect a relationship to be perfect, you’re setting yourself up for failure.
4. 
   4
   Try to refrain from judging. Relationships set up the perfect breeding ground for judgmental thoughts, which lead to resentments. Judging your date for doing things you don’t like will lead to frustration - quickly. There are several kinds of judgment that can impact a relationship in its early stages. They are:

   • Criticizing: When you imply that your date is wrong for his reaction to an event or situation, and that you are right. This sets you up as a moral judge, the decider of what is right and wrong. It’s unhelpful, and doesn’t lead to greater intimacy.
   • Analyzing: When you try to assume that you know why your date is saying something, you’re engaging in the judgmental nature of analysis. For example, saying, “You’re just doing that to make me angry,” implies that you know what the appropriate action is. It’s a way of implying that you’re the healthy one in the relationship.
   • Praising: You might be surprised to see this listed as a judgment, but it is a way of blocking intimate relationships by selectively reinforcing only the behaviors that you prefer. In addition, praising someone too often erodes trust over time because it’s perceived as insincere.
   Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Search

Add New Question

• Question

  What can couples do to improve their relationship?

  

  Klare Heston, LCSW
  Licensed Social Worker

  Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

  

  Klare Heston, LCSW

  Licensed Social Worker

  Expert Answer

  Set aside time to talk when phones and electronic devices are all shut off. Talk openly about things that are important to each of you. Honestly address those things you consider impediments to closeness or intimacy.

  Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
  Thank you for your feedback.
  If How.com.vn has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission.Support How.com.vn

  YesNo

  Not Helpful 0Helpful 0
• Question

  What are the stages of a relationship?

  

  Klare Heston, LCSW
  Licensed Social Worker

  Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

  

  Klare Heston, LCSW

  Licensed Social Worker

  Expert Answer

  There are no set stages. Each one develops according to the two people's needs and desires. But it is important to be open about what each person wants. Initially, you are strangers to one another, and over time there is more familiarity. This will all take some time. It cannot be rushed.

  Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
  Thank you for your feedback.
  If How.com.vn has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission.Support How.com.vn

  YesNo

  Not Helpful 0Helpful 0
• Question

  How do you deal with a struggling relationship?

  

  Klare Heston, LCSW
  Licensed Social Worker

  Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

  

  Klare Heston, LCSW

  Licensed Social Worker

  Expert Answer

  Talk about physical affection. Each person might feel differently about how much touching/cuddling is comfortable. Try to arrive at a compromise, especially early on.

  Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
  Thank you for your feedback.
  If How.com.vn has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission.Support How.com.vn

  YesNo

  Not Helpful 0Helpful 0

See more answers

Ask a Question

200 characters left

Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.

Submit

Advertisement