How to Say No to a Coworker

There are many reasons why you would want to say no to a coworker—time constraints and unethical requests among them. When faced with a co-worker who regularly asks you to help complete their work, for example, there will be a time when you no longer want to be taken advantage of. If this is the case, take some steps toward learning how to decline a coworker in the most diplomatic way.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Being Respectful in Your Manner

1
Listen to your coworker. Even if you know that you are going to say when a coworker approaches you, it is respectful hear them out. Being rude only builds enemies. Let your coworker finish talking before making your response.^{[1]XResearch source}
- After they are done talking, allow a respectful pause to follow before giving a polite “no.”
2
Be polite. There is no reason for you to be rude to your coworker. You are already telling them “no,” which is hard enough for most people to hear. Apologizing for not being able to help your coworker is polite, and so is smiling and having a good attitude.
- You can try statements like, “I’m so sorry that I couldn’t help you this time.”
3
Explain yourself. An extension of being polite is explaining why you are saying no. You don’t have to give an explanation, but doing so helps the other person not feel quite so disappointed or upset. Giving an explanation may also ensure that you will continue to have a pleasant work environment.
- Avoid lying in your explanation. Tell your coworker the real reason you can’t help them. Making up prior engagements or projects that don’t exist does not respect your coworker. This also ruins your credibility and damages your reputation.
- Say something like, “I really can’t help with that project today because of a prior engagement I scheduled after work.”
4
Use “I” statements. In order to prevent your coworker from feeling further upset, make sure you make your refusal all about yourself. Say things like, “I’m sorry I can’t help. It’s my fault that I’m behind on this other project that prevents me from having time to help you.” Keeping your refusal limited to things that are your responsibility can prevent your coworker from getting angry.
- Don’t tell your coworker that they are lazy or that it’s their fault they need help now.
5
Offer an alternative. Since you can’t help today, maybe you can help another day. Offer your coworker alternatives to the request they have made if it doesn’t fit your time schedule. For example, if they help today but you aren’t free from a current project until Friday, offer to help them on Friday. Alternatives can feel like less of a refusal and make you look like you are still interested in helping.^{[2]XResearch source}
- Truly intend to help in the different way that you offer as an alternative—don’t just make up alternatives to put a coworker off.
- You can say, “Are you flexible about the deadline? I can help tomorrow, but I can’t today.”
- If you don't really want to help the coworker, then don't offer alternative. Stick to being polite, saying no, and offering a short explanation.
Advertisement

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Handling a Negative Response

1
Expect them to become angry. Any time that you give a negative answer, you should prepare yourself for a negative response. Expecting your coworker to be disappointed or even angry that you said “no” will prevent you from being surprised by their response.
- It is important to maintain civil reactions to other coworkers even when they are aggressive toward you, so that there is no violence in the workplace.
2
Remain calm. If your coworker becomes upset, remain calm. Do not react to them in the same way that they are acting toward you. Staying calm can also diffuse a situation. When someone gets upset, other people acting the same way adds fuel to the fire.
- Practice things to stay calm like speaking slowly or even removing yourself from the room.
3
Understand that you may be burning a bridge. Keep in mind that sometimes, people are not understanding when others say no, and they may be giving you an ultimatum. If you say no to a coworker, they may be so upset that they won’t ever be willing to work with you again. Decide ahead of time that you are OK with this.
- If you know that saying no to a particular coworker will mean losing the relationship, decide how you will react to this. Will you let it go without discussing it further, or will you tell someone like your supervisor or boss what happened? If you find that you don't want to burn the bridge, perhaps you should work with the coworker to find a way to help them that works better for you.
4
Process the interaction with an objective third party. After you have finished an interaction where you had to say no to coworker and they reacted negatively, find someone to talk to about it. This will help you understand their reaction so that you can do your part to not make them angry in the future.
- Sometimes you can’t help the way people react, and you have to be OK with them getting upset.
- Find an objective third party, like an HR rep, a coworker in another department, or even someone at home. The goal is to find someone who will not gossip about it and spread rumors at work.
Advertisement

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Deciding When to Say No

1
Determine if the request is unethical. One reason you might want to say no to a coworker is because their request is unethical. Perhaps a coworker has fallen behind on a project and they want you to cut a few corners to get the project in on time. Whatever the reason, if it is going to break rules, it’s OK to say no.
- Other unethical requests include asking you to do more than your share on a project, to cover up their failure to perform a task, or to keep silent about an issue you know is wrong.
2
Decide if the request is beyond your time constraints. Another reason you may say no to a coworker is because they want your help when you are trying to focus on another project. In this case, saying no makes sense, and it is easy to offer your help at another time when you aren’t working on this project.^{[3]XTrustworthy SourceHarvard Business ReviewOnline and print journal covering topics related to business management practicesGo to source}
- You may need to say no permanently if you are working on prioritizing projects and this coworker keeps asking you to work on things outside your immediate job description.
Before saying no to a reasonable request by a coworker, make sure that you can’t help them. It is embarrassing to say no because you didn’t think about it and then decide that you can help them after all. Take your time looking at your schedule and weighing the pros and cons before answering your coworker.
Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Search

Add New Question

Ask a Question

200 characters left

Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.

Submit

Tips

If you don't want the coworker to ask you for favors in the future, make sure that your explanation covers all future propositions. You really don't want to be put in the position of saying no again.
Thanks
Helpful0 Not Helpful0

Warnings

Be aware that if a coworker is asking you not to tell the boss about something wrong that you saw them do, and they couple this with a threat, this is blackmail. Refuse to be blackmailed by telling a boss or other authority figure immediately.
Thanks
Helpful0 Not Helpful0