Do you often feel afraid or insecure about the state of your relationships, worrying that you might be rejected by someone you care about? You’re not alone. Abandonment issues can be triggered by many things, including dysfunctional relationships, and the effects of having abandonment issues can range from mild to severe. Often, they manifest as intense anxiety about being abandoned or excluded.
Like many common fears and anxieties, abandonment issues can be overcome in time–and recognizing them is the first step. That’s why we created a comprehensive quiz to help you identify whether you may have abandonment issues. The sooner you understand and face your anxieties, the sooner you’ll be able to enjoy happy relationships without fear of being left behind.
Questions Overview
- No. I think I’ve got a pretty great support system.
- It’s happened a couple of times, but it’s definitely not a regular thing.
- Yes, there has been someone who made me doubt myself.
- Yes, I have close ties with people who criticize me and compare me to others.
- Never. I have people I trust to stick by me no matter what.
- Rarely. I do think that way from time to time, but I know it’s unlikely.
- Sometimes. Despite evidence to the contrary, I think people will reject me.
- Always. I expect rejection from friends, partners, family—anyone.
- No, I like where we’re at—and if I didn’t, I’d talk to them about it.
- I worry that we’re a little out of sync at times, but we usually work through it.
- I’ve seriously questioned how strong our bond is multiple times.
- That's always how I feel, and I'm terrified we’ll always be like this.
- I don’t worry about that. They say I'm important to them, and I believe it.
- I worry about that occasionally, but I can usually push those fears aside.
- It’s a fear of mine. When I voice that fear, my friends try to reassure me.
- I’m constantly afraid of that, and I don’t know what I’ll do when it happens.
- I think we’re on the same page and care for one another equally.
- It’s crossed my mind, but I can tell it’s just stress, so I ignore it.
- Yes, I’ve thought about that before. Sometimes I can’t shake the thought.
- Yes, I’m positive that I care for them more than they care for me.
- No. I’m pretty quick to reach out to someone I trust for help.
- I feel nervous about it sometimes, but I usually ask for help in the end.
- Yes, it’s difficult. I tend to worry that I’m asking for too much.
- It’s impossible. It used to be easier for me, but now, I never ask for help.
- I’ve never felt like that, no. I tend to be pretty chill around others.
- I think it might’ve happened once, but I never knew exactly what happened.
- I feel like I’ve done that a few times. I’m trying to be a little less intense.
- Yes, that happens often. I just get so scared of losing them that I can’t let go.
- I don’t worry about that. I am who I am, and I’m proud of it.
- I worry about that occasionally, but I know it won’t fix my problems.
- I tend to compare myself to others more often than not, and I worry often.
- I’m constantly convinced I’ll never measure up to anyone else.
- I think I’m generous, but not to the point of overextending myself.
- When I really care about the other person, I occasionally overextend myself.
- Sometimes. I feel like it’s safer to be overly generous than the other way around.
- All the time. I’ll do anything to make someone happy, even if it’s not healthy for me.
- I’d feel so much relief. I don’t want to have relationships like that in my life.
- Cutting ties isn’t easy for me, but ultimately I think I’d see it’s for the best.
- Even though they were toxic, it’d be tough. I would feel rejected regardless.
- I would feel devastated. I think I’d have a hard time trusting others, too.
- I think my friends DO know the real me, and I know they won’t reject me.
- It’s occurred to me, but I won’t let that stop me from opening up to them.
- I do worry about that, and it’s a real battle to let my guard down as a result.
- I absolutely think that and feel like I need to put on a front to get them to like me.
- No, that’s never happened to me before.
- Sort of. I’ve fallen out with someone in the past, but nothing too serious.
- Yes. I worry that it colors my relationships sometimes, but I don’t want it to.
- Yes, and I can’t shake the memories of it. I’m afraid it’ll happen again.
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More About Abandonment Issues
Signs of Abandonment Issues
You often grapple with insecurity. If you have abandonment issues, your fear of rejection may seem downright irrational, like it comes out of the blue. Even when your relationships are going great, you may find yourself feeling insecure about your partner’s (or friend’s) feelings for you because you feel unworthy of their love and affection.
You struggle to trust people. Trust issues and abandonment issues go hand-in-hand since abandonment issues are essentially the irrational fear that someone will leave you—no matter how much they say otherwise. If you can’t bring yourself to trust your partner and friends, even if they tell you how much they care, it means you may have abandonment issues.
You’re a people-pleaser. Going out of your way to please everyone around you, even to the point that it inconveniences you, is a sign that you may be afraid of abandonment. You might go to great lengths to please people because you’re afraid of being seen as “unworthy” or “inadequate.”
You let toxic people stay in your life. If you fear abandonment, you’re more likely to let a toxic person (anyone who brings negativity to your life, whether they’re manipulative, critical, controlling, etc.)—stick around. Abandonment issues can cause you to fear losing anyone who claims to care for you, even though you may not have a healthy relationship with them.
You move on fast after breakups. Sometimes, fear of abandonment can also cause you to fear being alone, to the point that you may quickly search for a rebound after any relationship ends. Moving on too quickly can be an attempt to forget the pain of “abandonment” after a breakup.
You tend to be reserved and closed off. Fear of rejection can cause you to be emotionally detached and afraid of showing people your true self. You may believe that if they see you for who you really are, they won’t like what they see and they’ll reject you. Being reserved is a defense mechanism that you may use to help protect yourself from the pain of rejection.
Overcoming Abandonment Issues
Develop your self-awareness. Taking this quiz is a great first step! It means you’re thinking mindfully about the anxiety you may be grappling with instead of letting the fear rule you completely. To become even more self-aware, try to think about where your fears came from and what is triggering them now. By understanding the source of your anxiety, you can become aware of when it’s most likely to flare up and how to calm yourself down, ultimately overcoming your possible fear of abandonment.
Practice self-love. Loving yourself is an extremely important part of overcoming any possible insecurities around abandonment. If you have abandonment issues, you likely struggle with your self-image and may even compare yourself to other people or close yourself off from others for protection. Practicing self-love will allow you to lower your guard and open up to others because you’re not relying on them for validation anymore—you’re getting it from within.
Start by making time for self-care and practicing verbal affirmations. Verbal affirmations are positive things you can say about yourself—something like “I fully and completely accept myself.” It may feel strange at first, but the more you pump yourself up with supportive words, the more you’ll start to believe in yourself. If you notice any negative thoughts about rejection and abandonment, try to override them with positivity and supportive thoughts instead. This is an easy way to reduce the negativity in your mind!
Get professional help. Cognitive behavioral therapy is one of the most effective treatments for issues like fear of abandonment. You can discuss your fear of abandonment with your therapist, and they can teach you valuable tools to help you confront and successfully overcome your fears in a healthy way. Resources like the American Psychological Association (APA) can help you get in touch with a licensed mental health professional.
Want to learn more?
For more information about abandonment issues and how to overcome them, check out these resources.
Medical Disclaimer
Any medically related content, whether User Content or otherwise found on the Service, is not intended to be medical advice or instructions for medical diagnosis or treatment, and no physician-patient or psychotherapist-patient relationship is, or is intended to be, created.
Reader Success Stories
"Thank you. It was good to know so I can move on past issues."
