How to React If Your Ex Boyfriend Asks You Out Again

If an ex-boyfriend asks you out again, it can put you in an unexpected position. You may have thought it was over and been very happy about that, or maybe you have missed him. Remember that no matter how you feel or felt about him, asking you out again was probably a difficult thing for him because of your shared history. The most important thing to keep in mind is doing what feels right for you while remaining kind whenever possible.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Deciding What You Want

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1
Think about how you feel. Relying on your gut is important in matters of the heart, especially when it comes to deciding whether or not to give someone a second chance. Take stock of your feelings about the situation and the person. Try to determine how you feel about them before you decide to go any farther.
- If your instincts are making you feel uneasy about the situation, don’t take this lightly. Reigniting an old flame can be hard work, so don’t jump into something if your heart seems to be telling you to be cautious.
- It may be hard to pinpoint your feelings without designating some time for this purpose. Take time out in a quiet space and try to detect your immediate gut instinct about your Ex asking you out again. What is your instinct telling you? Are you sad, happy, depressed, moody, enthusiastic, or excited? Try not to question this instinct. If your gut intuition is positive, then he may be worth reconsidering. If your gut intuition negative, then you may need to just respectfully decline his offer and move on.
2
Reflect on your previous relationship. Take some time to think about what happened between the two of you in the past. Why did you break up? How do you feel about him now? How did you feel about yourself when you were together? There are a million reasons why people break up. Think about why you two broke up and decide how you feel about it.^{[1]XResearch source}
- The most important thing here is to realistically reflect on what actually happened between the two of you and think about your feelings on the issue.
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3
Decide if the same obstacles still exist. There is always an underlying cause for any break up. Think about why the two of you broke up and consider if the situation is still the same. Have your circumstances changed enough that you think your relationship could be more successful this time around?^{[2]XResearch source}
- Perhaps you broke up because you didn’t have enough time for each other, but now your work situation has changed and it could work between the two of you. Or maybe you broke up because he cheated on you, in which case you would have to decide if you could move forward and trust him again.
4
Think about your future. It is important to stay in the present moment, but you might also want to consider what you want in your life moving forward and think about whether or not he fits into that picture you have for your life. You need to make the decision that’s best for you, not just for him. So carefully think about where you want to go in your life and if you think he’s the right person to be by your side while you do it.^{[3]XResearch source}
- Can you picture him in your life forever? Do you want to move away for college? Will he accept that? These are the kinds of questions you should ask yourself.

Part 2

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Talking it Out

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1
Tell him honestly how you feel. This is true whether you want to get back together or not. You want to make sure you are both clear about what happened and why.^{[4]XExpert SourceConnell Barrett
Dating CoachExpert Interview. 18 February 2021} You shouldn’t rush into anything and make a rash decision.^{[5]XResearch source}
- Make sure you are somewhere quiet where people won't overhear and make both of you nervous or embarrassed.
2
Explain that you broke up the first time for a reason. It is important to forgive and move on when you have a relationship issue. However, if the problems you both had in the relationship haven't gone away, then maybe you two just don't work together as a couple.
- If you are still upset about something that happened between the two of you and you are not ready to consider getting back together, then be clear about the reason you two broke up before and express any fears you may have about repeating the same situation again.
3
Discuss expectations for the future. If you have forgiven your ex and you do decide to move forward in the relationship, then it is important to make your expectations known. Otherwise, you may end up in a similar situation.^{[6]XResearch source}
- Talk about what you hope will be different this time around and be clear about your feelings.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Making a Decision

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1
Accept the offer if you do want to go out with him again. If you do so, remember that you will need to let go of the past and focus on your future together. You both may want to take things slowly similar to how you did when you dated the first time.
- If it's yes, make sure he knows where you're coming from immediately, especially if you are truly giving your relationship another chance. It's important to be very clear, as it may be a case where he assumes that he knows how you feel, especially when it comes to him. Honesty is the key to any great relationship.
2
Tell him to stop asking you. If your answer is no, then you can just say “no.” You don’t have to offer an explanation. However, it is important to be direct with your answer. This will save you the embarrassment of him asking you again, and him the embarrassment of you saying no again.
- If a simple “no” doesn’t seem to work, you may need to be more firm in your replies. Try saying something like, “I appreciate the sentiment, but I am not interested in giving this another try. Please stop asking me.”
- The most important thing to keep in mind is that you need to do what is right for you. If he is making you uncomfortable by continuing to ask repeatedly, then feel free to block him from contacting you. Block his number in your phone so he can’t call or text you; block him on Facebook and Gmail; and delete him from all of your other social media accounts.
- If he continues harassing you, tell him you will report him to the police and apply for a temporary restraining order (TPO).
3
Take it slow. Whatever the outcome of your decision, take some time to ease back into the new situation – whether it’s a relationship together or moving forward on your own. Don’t expect to jump straight back to the place you were at before you broke up.^{[7]XExpert SourceConnell Barrett
Dating CoachExpert Interview. 18 February 2021} There may be trust issues or distance between you that you’ll have to overcome together.^{[8]XResearch source}
- Give yourself time to adjust to being together or to being on your own without him for real. These things take time, so don’t beat yourself up about it if you need some time to adjust or to heal.

Expert Q&A

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How do I respond to an ex that reaches back out to me?
Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."
Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Answer
Tell them how you honestly feel so they don't get any ideas about what to expect in the future.
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My ex broke up with me over a month ago. I don't know if he still likes me but I really, really like him still. What do I do? I want to get back together with him.
Tasha Rube, LMSW
Licensed Master Social Worker
Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.
Tasha Rube, LMSW
Licensed Master Social Worker
Expert Answer
If you feel that he may be giving signs that he likes you again, the best way to approach it is ASK HIM how he feels. We can all sit around analyze and debate about what others may or may not be thinking about us, but we are not mind readers, so the best approach is through discussion. TALK to him. ASK him how he feels about you. ASK him how he would feel about reconnecting.
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Tips

If he's the one who broke up with you and he realized what he lost, try playing a little hard to see if you want him back too or it could look like you're under his control and he can get you whenever he wants and with no effort. So don't say yes right away.
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Saying no does not necessarily mean you can’t still be friends.
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Warnings

Remember, if he broke up with you and you spent days crying about it, think about the way you felt, and then realize it might happen again, even if you like him.
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Just because both of you still have feelings for each other doesn't always mean it'll work. Go for it if you feel it's right for you, but if you do, don't just expect immediate results. Be prepared to work on things or it will crash and burn once more.
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