How to Raise Confident Children

Every parent wants their child to be confident and happy in who they are; however, confidence is not always that straightforward to teach. There are many opportunities throughout your child’s life to encourage, motivate, and teach them how to be confident in their abilities, self worth, and who they are.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Teaching Confidence

1
Avoid controlling your child’s tasks and activities. Confidence in children depends heavily upon support. Doing things for your child will rob them of the opportunity to learn how and what to do themselves. Instead of controlling tasks or just doing them yourself, complete them with your child so that they might learn how.^{[1]XResearch source}
- Avoiding control does not mean losing authority. You can be authoritative without creating a dependence for your child being told what to do.^{[2]XResearch source}
- Don’t redo tasks they’ve already completed. If the way they’ve finished something is an issue, use it as a learning opportunity and redo the task together.
2
Teach rather than critique. Raising confident children often means helping them discover and learn from each experience, and there’s no better way than to take advantage of each learning opportunity. When your child tries to complete a task, whether new or already known, take the time to ask the questions to engage their problem solving skills rather than pointing out where they went wrong.^{[3]XResearch source}
- Spend time teaching your child an activity that you know how to do. Teaching them an activity you are already familiar with will help you set up manageable goals.^{[4]XResearch source}
- If you notice your child having difficulty with a task, whether it is a toy, cleaning up, using cutlery, or playing, avoid giving criticism like “You’re doing that wrong,” or, “That’s not how you do that.” Instead, try asking engaging questions that can further their involvement, like “What are you trying to do?”; “Would you like to see how I do that?”; “That doesn’t seem to be working; is there another way you could do it?”; or “Would you like my help?”
- Try making something from start to finish, like a birdhouse or puzzle, to teach patience, problem solving skills, and the rewards of completing a task.
Advertisement
3
Teach them to think positively. Teach them that not everything should be negative, and to keep on the positive side of life.^{[5]XExpert SourceAmy Wong
Leadership & Transformational CoachExpert Interview. 30 April 2020.} Tell them that if they catch themselves thinking negatively, to stop, rethink, and remember that anything can be positive.
- If they're negative about a problem, instead of feeling negative, tell them to solve the problem, and even help them solve it.
- Try asking questions like “Is there anything you can do to solve this problem?” or “What can I do to help you?”
4
Lead by example. Modeling positive self confidence will provide a key examples of what self confidence looks and acts like. Children are constantly picking up and absorbing other’s actions and behaviors. Be sure to set a good example and be as confident as you can be!^{[6]XResearch source}
- Don’t put yourself down, be overly critical of yourself or others, and don’t talk badly about others in front of your child. Instead, promote confidence by speaking positively and affirming your own actions. Instead of saying “I did such a bad job,” try saying things like “That was really difficult. I’m happy with my effort but there is plenty of room for improvement.”
- It is important for parents to model ownership of mistakes and show their children that they still have confidence and are secure in their self-worth.
- Try banning negative statements, like “I suck at this,” or, “I’m such an idiot.”
Advertisement

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Encouraging and Motivating Your Child

1
Encourage practice. Encourage your child to spend time practicing whatever it is that they are interested in. Practicing can also be instrumental in teaching lessons about adversity and mistakes, as well as instilling the promise that improvement will follow.^{[7]XResearch source}
- Help create and manage a schedule of when your child can practice.
- Remind your child of all the rewards that come with practice. Try saying things like “Keep practicing and you’ll be able to master the scales and move on to the next piano practice book,” or “You’re doing so well, keep it up!”
- Encouraging does not mean pressuring. Be sure to take the time to listen to your child and have conversations about quitting and moving on.
2
Appreciate effort. Appreciating effort over results will help your child build confidence in their own abilities and self worth rather than what others may think about them. The more their effort is encouraged, the more willing they will be to take risks and try new things.^{[8]XResearch source} Remember to teach them that winning is admirable but not the definition of worth and value. Their effort is reflective of their character.
- Appreciating effort can be the difference between telling your child how proud you are for how hard they studied rather than how proud you are because they received a high mark.
- Try acknowledging their effort by saying “I’m very proud of how hard you studied” or “I’m very proud of all the time, effort, and practice you’ve been putting in.”
3
Acknowledge their courage to try new things. Trying new things, at whatever age, takes courage and risk. Acknowledging and encouraging your child’s willingness to try new things will not only instill a sense of confidence in them, but will also provide them with opportunities to learn on their own and from their own mistakes.
- Give them positive verbal reinforcement by using phrases like “I’m so proud of you for jumping in and trying your best,” or “I’m really impressed by how willing you are to try new things.”
- Asking questions, like “How did you feel trying out the school choir?” or, “Did you enjoy trying science camp for the first time?” can allow your child to reflect and show your interest in their courage to try new things.
- Trying new things can be difficult. Treat this as another opportunity to encourage their perseverance and motivate them to continue trying!^{[9]XResearch source}
4
Encourage curiosity. A child’s endless stream of questions can often be tiresome, but it should nevertheless still be encouraged. Encouraging your child’s curiosity will help expose them to the idea that there are many things they don’t know. The more curious they are about learning and taking in new information, the more confidence they will gather around their ability to learn on their own.^{[10]XResearch source}
- Instead of immediately indulging your child’s question with an answer, try asking a follow up question that will make them think about what the answer might be, like “I don’t know, why do you think that is?” or, “I haven’t thought about it like that, what do you think?”
Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Search

Add New Question

Question
How can I overcome childhood shyness?
Amy Wong
Leadership & Transformational Coach
Amy Eliza Wong is a Leadership and Transformational Coach and the Founder of Always on Purpose, a private practice for individuals and executives looking for help in increasing personal well-being and success and in transforming work cultures, developing leaders, and improving retention. With over 20 years of experience, Amy coaches one-on-one and conducts workshops and keynotes for businesses, medical practices, non-profits, and universities. Based in the San Francisco Bay Area, Amy is a regular instructor at Stanford Continuing Studies, holds an MA in Transpersonal Psychology from Sofia University, a certification in Transformational Life Coaching from Sofia University, and a certification in Conversational Intelligence from CreatingWE Institute.
Amy Wong
Leadership & Transformational Coach
Expert Answer
You might feel that way if you have negative beliefs, such as not being good enough or being a burden. Once you confront these, it can help you with your shyness.
Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
Thank you for your feedback.
If How.com.vn has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission.Support How.com.vn
Yes No
Not Helpful 0 Helpful 1

Ask a Question

200 characters left

Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.

Submit

Tips

Give your child verbal affirmations. Finding something that the child did right or well every day and commenting on it can go a long way.
Thanks
Helpful0 Not Helpful0
Teaching confidence can be a long endeavor, and there will be many moments throughout your child’s life to support, encourage, and motivate them. Be patient, confidence takes time.
Thanks
Helpful0 Not Helpful0
Protecting your child from bullying, surrounding them with good adult role models and encouragers, and showing them how to handle failure are important to raising a confident person.
Thanks
Helpful0 Not Helpful0

Warnings

This is not a guide on how to raise your child, just a component. Please keep in mind finances, education, nutrition, and their safety.
Thanks
Helpful1 Not Helpful0