This article was co-authored by Connell Barrett and by How.com.vn staff writer, Luke Smith, MFA. Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation, his own relationship consulting business founded in 2017 and based out of New York City. Connell advises clients based on his A.C.E. Dating System: Authenticity, Clarity, and Expressiveness. He is also a dating coach with the dating app The League. His work has been featured in Cosmopolitan, The Oprah Magazine, and Today.
There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources.
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Platonic intimacy is that secret ingredient that keeps our friendships vibrant. It comes in the form of hugging your friends, talking with them late into the night, or cooking meals for them when they’re sick. There are many ways to be platonically intimate as there are people to be platonically intimate with, but how can you practice it more intentionally? We’ll fill you in on the what and the why, as well as ways to form more intimate friendships, signs you already have them, and things to watch out for when you’re in one.
Things You Should Know
- Platonic intimacy is a deep and affectionate connection among friends that doesn’t involve any sort of sexual feelings.
- Form platonically intimate friendships by asking your friends about themselves, offering respectful touches like hugs, and telling them how much they mean to you.
- Appreciate platonic intimacy in your life by looking for signs of it, like feeling at ease around your friends or having vulnerable conversations about yourselves.
Steps
How to Develop Platonic Intimacy
- Join a club or social group to find like-minded people. Intimate relationships don’t just sprout up overnight. Joining a book group, a cooking class, or a club sports team is a great way to encounter people you might not otherwise cross paths with and initiate new friendships.[8]
- Ask the people in your club for their contact info so you can connect outside the function, or invite them to hang out afterward so you can talk to them in another context and get to know them better.
- Ask your friends lots of questions about themselves. It’s hard to be intimate with someone you hardly know, but intimacy tends to happen naturally when you have a more complete concept of someone. Ask the people around you where they’re from, what it was like growing up, or even just what they’re currently passionate about.[9] Make sure to be a good listener and stay engaged by asking follow-up questions.
- Ask your closer friends profound questions like, “Have you ever been in love?” or, “What’s the biggest misconception about you?” to dig even deeper. Just be sure to respect their boundaries if they seem uncomfortable.
- Avoid oversharing, which is divulging things about yourself that are irrelevant or too intense for the conversation, which can make others uncomfortable. Keep your questions and personal sharing in line with the vibe of the conversation.
- Give your friends casual, appropriate touches, like hugs. Physical touch is a huge component of platonic intimacy, and having that sort of physical contact helps to deepen a connection. Hug your friends when you see them, or even offer a more casual fist-bump or shoulder pat. These regular, friendly, and familiar gestures often bring us closer together and place us at ease in each other’s company, making intimacy much easier.[10]
- If you’re comfortable, ask your friends if it’s alright to hold their hands or lean on them as you sit together. These more personal forms of touch often bring us even closer, faster.
- Use your words and actions to show your friends your appreciation. Never underestimate the power of a simple, “Hey, I’m glad you’re my friend.” Remind your friends every so often that they’re important to you to strengthen your bond. Also, ask your friends how they prefer to be shown platonic affection, like being given gifts or being hugged often, and follow through on that to tell them you love them platonically! Regular displays of platonic affection are key to fostering intimacy and setting down relationship roots.[11]
- In addition, be a good friend by doing small favors for the people close to you. Helping someone move or giving them a ride to the airport aren’t always fun activities, but they show the recipients that you’re there for them.
How.com.vn Quiz: Am I in Love with My Best Friend?
Expert Q&A
Tips
- “Queerplatonic” relationships are another form of platonically intimate relationships. These relationships are “queer” in that they often differ from relationship norms, like the genders of those involved, but often resemble and function similarly to romantic partnerships, with cohabitation or even raising kids together, but often forego sex.[19]Thanks
Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about platonic relationships, check out our in-depth interview with Connell Barrett.
References
- ↑ https://www.mic.com/life/friendships-need-intimacy-too-heres-how-to-build-it-82654603
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-well/201010/how-men-and-women-can-be-true-friends
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/202303/the-true-meaning-of-platonic-love
- ↑ https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2023/01/09/how-to-adult-friends-relationships/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/couples-thrive/201905/why-friendships-are-vital-the-health-your-relationship
- ↑ https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2023/01/09/how-to-adult-friends-relationships/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/couples-thrive/201905/why-friendships-are-vital-the-health-your-relationship
- ↑ https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2023/01/09/how-to-adult-friends-relationships/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-do-life/202101/how-find-and-nurture-platonic-friendships
- ↑ https://theswaddle.com/the-case-for-platonic-intimacy/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-do-life/202101/how-find-and-nurture-platonic-friendships
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/ethical-wisdom/201305/the-eros-friendship-what-do-platonic-passion
- ↑ https://theswaddle.com/the-case-for-platonic-intimacy/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/ethical-wisdom/201305/the-eros-friendship-what-do-platonic-passion
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/ethical-wisdom/201305/the-eros-friendship-what-do-platonic-passion
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-empowerment-diary/201802/the-secret-platonic-relationships
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/presence-mind/201807/the-codependent-friendship
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/ghosting
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/bound-together/202109/queerplatonic-relationships-new-term-old-custom
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