This article was co-authored by Laura Bilotta. Laura Bilotta is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Founder of Single in the City, her dating and relationship coaching service based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. With over 18 years of experience, she focuses on helping singles date more intentionally, encouraging them to let go of negative patterns so that they can attract the love that they deserve. Her experience, skills, and insights have led to thousands of successfully united over 65,000 singles through events and one-on-one matchmaking coaching sessions. She has been the host of The Dating and Relationship Show on Global News Radio 640 Toronto (AM640) for 6 years and is known as The Hookup Queen of Clubhouse; her popular singles club, Single in the City, has over 95.5K members who regularly join in weekly dating and relationship-focused rooms.
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Religion has always been the hard limit for some people; when it's an issue within your own family, it can be really challenging when the person you are keen on doesn't match the religious ideals of your family. Persuading your parents to let you date someone from another faith may not be easy but it is important to try.
Steps
Find out how your parents feel about interfaith or out-of-caste dating and even marriage. Consider how they feel about intermingling with persons of a different faith and whether there are other family examples where this has happened. It is important to know whether your parents are vehemently opposed to interfaith dating or are only mildly uncomfortable about it, for this will condition your own approach toward persuading them.
Consider how to approach your parents. If you know they're only mildly uncomfortable about the idea of interfaith dating. In this case, it may be enough to explain the different religion, how faith matters a great deal to your proposed dating partner and the similarities between the two faiths. If you know they're going to shut down really quickly and simply say no, you'll need to be more subtle but determined to keep raising the matter.- Religious beliefs can influence the compatibility between two people.[1]
- Find a way to start the topic gracefully. You can start the topic by discussing a movie, an event in the news, or a book that touches upon religion.
- Approach the conversation with an open mind. Know that while it may be awkward, it is an important and meaningful conversation you need to have at some point.[2]
Start slowly. Tell your parents how you feel about this person, what they do and how this person as impacted your life.- Explain how caring and good this person is. Every parent wishes to learn that a potential partner for their child will care for the child as they do.
Be prepared to listen, talk and negotiate. As well as telling your side, listen to theirs. Find out what is holding them back from giving you their agreement or blessing to the interfaith dating. It could be a custom or maybe even a matter that is worth you pondering over some more. It has to work both ways. Listen to them and, in turn, they will listen to you. It won't happen in a day or two but it will be worth the effort in the end.- Remain polite and understanding at all times. One act of foolishness or spark of anger may destroy everything you're trying to achieve.
Give your parents time to consider your explanations. It isn't easy for parents coping with changes in approaches to relationships in each new generation. Things that weren't okay when they were young may be okay now but can be very confronting if they suffered as a result when younger.
Don't get disheartened if you parents feel strongly about another religion or caste. This may be normal where you live or within your community, and that is a strong pull on your parents. Don't play the drama card or storm out. Repeat your wishes slowly, yet directly. Inform them that you continue to feel strongly for this person and that the feelings are reciprocated. Stay strong.- Enlighten them some more about the other person. Focus on all of the positives, including this person's devotion to faith.
- Don't lose hope; stay firm. Realize that there may be tension in the household, there may be bitter feelings but you can ride this through with determination, kindness and calm.
- Help them to realize how things have changed and that traditions have evolved. You are in the best position to enlighten them as to progress!
Bring this person home to meet your parents. This can help them realize what the person is like and how compatible you both are. It also helps your parents to realize that you want them to be involved in your life. Give them a chance to get to know your date.Advertisement
Expert Q&A
Tips
- The real way to solve this that you reach the core of this problem. You may think that this is easier said than done. That may be true but it is important to remember that it is your life and you have to make the choice about how to live your life, not your parents.Thanks
References
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