How to Persuade Someone to Quit Smoking

Persuading someone to quit smoking isn’t always an easy task. It’s possible that your smoker has tried to quit, but failed. It’s possible that they want to quit, but don’t have the tools or support they need to move forward. That’s where you come in. Your help and continued support will help persuade your loved one to quit smoking successfully.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Talking to Your Loved One about Quitting

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1
Determine how to approach your loved one. Since it's a sensitive topic, it’s a good idea to plan your approach first.^{[1]XResearch source}
- Decide where you want to have the conversation. Somewhere familiar and comfortable is best.
- Come up with a way to bring the topic up without being too abrupt. You want to cut down on shock as much as possible.
- Prepare for possible hurt feelings by having planned reactions. For example, if they say, “I can make my own decisions” you reply with, “that’s true and I’m not trying to tell you what to do. I’m just concerned because…”
- Appeal to their emotional side. This way they’ll know your motivation is in the right place and will be more likely to listen to your advice.
- Think about what’s important to them and use that as an entry point. For example, if they care about their kids, remind them how secondhand smoke could affect them.
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Remind them of the harm smoking causes. Smoking is an unhealthy habit, not only for the person who smokes but also for the people around them. It’s important to keep these messages positive. Don’t berate, nag, or induce fear into your loved one.^{[2]XTrustworthy SourceAmerican Cancer SocietyNonprofit devoted to promoting cancer research, education, and supportGo to source}
- Remind them how much you love them and want to keep them around for many years to come. Smoking causes serious health conditions like lung cancer. It’s also a known cause of Osteoporosis, stroke, and depression.
- If your loved one values physical beauty, encourage them to preserve their beauty by avoiding smoking-induced wrinkles and yellow teeth.
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Remind them of their own loved ones (children, grandchildren, husband/wife, valued friends) and how important they are to the people around them. Placing pictures of young people might help serve as a motivating daily reminder.
4
Offer your support. Make the quitting process as easy as possible for your loved one.^{[3]XResearch source}
- Offer to be available by phone when they need you if a craving happens.
- Let them know you’ll be supportive through the whole process.
- Recruit others to be part of the support network as well, if possible.
Design a concrete plan that your loved one can follow on a daily basis that will help them avoid smoking. You can adjust the plan as needed, but this gives them something to follow and refer to in the days to come.^{[4]XResearch source}

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Offering Continued Support

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1
Help distract them. Smoking becomes such a natural part of a smoker’s daily routine that it becomes second nature. One of the most difficult parts of quitting is building new habits. You can help them with this (or recruit others to help).^{[5]XResearch source}
- Ask them what they enjoyed about smoking. Find a replacement with another activity where they can do something similar.
- If they smoke on their work breaks, offer to go on a walk with them instead.
- If they smoke after a meal, ask them to help clean up or walk the dog.
- If they smoke first thing in the morning, offer to share a cup of coffee with them.
- If they smoke when they drink, avoid parties or bars where alcohol is served.^{[6]XExpert SourceTracy Carver, PhD
  Licensed PsychologistExpert Interview. 12 January 2021.}
- If they get the urge to smoke, try to be available to talk them out of it.^{[7]XTrustworthy SourceAmerican Lung AssociationNonprofit health organization dedicated to improving lung health through education, advocacy, and researchGo to source}
2
Address withdrawal symptoms. Your loved one will experience some withdrawal symptoms. It’s best to address them head-on and be supportive through those difficult times. Remind them that these symptoms are temporary.^{[8]XTrustworthy SourceAmerican Cancer SocietyNonprofit devoted to promoting cancer research, education, and supportGo to source}
- Weight gain is common. If this happens, offer to exercise with them and help restructure their diet.
- Sleep might be hard to come by for a while. Suggest some things they can do, like read a book, watch a television show, or write in a journal.
- Don’t take their bad moods personally. Continue to be positive and let them know that it’s okay to have bad days. Remind them how proud you are.
- Physical withdrawals usually only last 5-7 days, but the psychological withdrawal may last longer.
3
Push them to keep trying if they “slip up”. Most people who quit smoking will slip up at some point in their process. It’s normal, and it’s okay. Unfortunately, a lot of quitters will see it as a sign of failure and stop trying. The first 2 weeks are usually the hardest.^{[9]XTrustworthy SourceAmerican Cancer SocietyNonprofit devoted to promoting cancer research, education, and supportGo to source}
- Remind them of all the reasons they wanted to quit in the first place (or should quit).
- Let them know they can still quit and haven’t failed.
- Identify the trigger so they know what to avoid moving forward.
4
Reward milestones and successes. Quitting smoking is not easy. Reward their efforts along the way. They promote encouragement and remind your loved one they’re still moving in the right direction.
- One of the best outcomes of quitting is the money they’ll save. Suggest that they set that money aside and treat themselves when they’ve quit smoking. Hawaii, anyone?
- Incremental rewards and praise is important. Consistent positive feedback or tangible rewards are helpful reminders of progress.
Don’t leave it up to them to let you know how they’re doing. Ask. Keep an eye on how they’re progressing so you know when to offer more support, or when to reward successes.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Providing Expert Advice or Resources

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If you can’t be enough support for them, it might be time to recruit the help of a professional. Behavioral therapists can often help people quit smoking.^{[10]XTrustworthy SourceCenters for Disease Control and PreventionMain public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human ServicesGo to source} One-on-one therapy is an option or group therapy can offer more support.
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Offer to go to a group session with them. A lot of people are uncomfortable going to group therapy sessions, especially the first time. Offer to attend with them to help ease their anxiety until they feel more comfortable going alone.
- Many communities have groups similar to Alcoholics Anonymous for quitting smoking.
3
Suggest nicotine patches or gum. Nicotine patches and gum have shown to be helpful for many people quitting smoking.^{[11]XTrustworthy SourceCenters for Disease Control and PreventionMain public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human ServicesGo to source} You might suggest that your loved one give them a try.
- Consult with your doctor so you can start on the right dosage.
- Cessation products are the most effective when the person is ready and willing to quit.^{[12]XExpert SourceTracy Carver, PhD
  Licensed PsychologistExpert Interview. 12 January 2021.}
4
Provide them with helpful resources. Be ready to provide them with any resources they might need. So, if they can’t afford a therapist, give them a list of free or low-cost options. You can also give them resources to the same websites you found your own facts and stats.
- Look for smoking cessation programs online or help online at websites like https://smokefree.gov/.
5
Suggest an appointment with their doctor. Their doctor may be able to offer resources or advice specialized to their profession. It’s always a good idea to let your healthcare professional know about things like this in case they can help.^{[13]XTrustworthy SourceCenters for Disease Control and PreventionMain public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human ServicesGo to source}
- Prescription medications like Chantix can help if someone is struggling with quitting.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Understanding Nicotine Addiction

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1
Research smoking statistics. Nicotine is the addictive property in cigarettes. There are lots of resources available for reliable statistics to help you understand addiction. Searching online is a great place to start.
- The Center for Disease Control and Prevention has statistics broken down by demographics.^{[14]XTrustworthy SourceCenters for Disease Control and PreventionMain public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human ServicesGo to source}^{[15]XTrustworthy SourceCenters for Disease Control and PreventionMain public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human ServicesGo to source}
- The American Lung Association gives facts about smoking and quitting smoking.^{[16]XTrustworthy SourceAmerican Lung AssociationNonprofit health organization dedicated to improving lung health through education, advocacy, and researchGo to source}
- The Department of Health and Human Services has a full report on the health consequences of smoking.
Write some of the more important statistics and facts down on a notecard or piece of paper. You can refer to them when you’re persuading your loved one to quit smoking.
Getting statistics gives you a broad snapshot of the effects of smoking and nicotine addiction, but talking to a healthcare professional gives you a chance to ask questions and get more information related to your specific situation.
Who better understands the process of quitting smoking than someone who has quit smoking? Since no two people are alike it might be a good idea to talk to more than one person. They can offer insight you won’t get from online resources.

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Should I let my boyfriend's smoking habit get in the way of our relationship?
Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Expert Answer
Consider what you value and how smoking behavior fits into it. For example, do you value your own health? How is your boyfriend’s smoking affecting you? If he continues to smoke despite your request for him to stop, what does that tell you about what he values? Smoking is a lifestyle choice that some people will not tolerate because it is so difficult to quit. What you have to decide is if this is a lifestyle choice you can support.
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Tips

Be a good listener. Sometimes they’ll just need someone to listen.^{[17]XResearch source}
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Some states provide free patches or lozenges, and every state offers free resources.^{[18]XResearch source}
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Make sure your loved one is ready to quit. If they aren't motivated, it won't be successful.
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Warnings

Don’t be negative about their quitting process (especially during the first few weeks). Continue to be positive and upbeat, even when they’re in a bad mood.
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Be respectful. You may have strong feelings about your loved one's habit. Your feelings should never outweigh your their right to choose whether they smoke.
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