How to Not Hate Your Ex

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1Processing Your Emotions

2Moving Forward

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Though you may be experiencing extreme hatred for an ex partner or spouse post break up, often this hatred will only make you feel worse. As you try recover from the break up with your ex, it is important that you take the time to process your emotions and be active about moving forward. Doing this will help you turn your hatred for your ex partner into a positive and possibly useful thing, and allow you to finally let go of your anger.

Steps

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Processing Your Emotions

1. 
   1
   Write down your feelings. Take out a piece of paper and spend some time writing down why you have hatred towards your ex. This could be because of the things he or she did to you, or the decisions you made while with your ex. Try to be as detailed as possible and do not be afraid to really be honest about your feelings and emotions.

   • It may help to do this over a period of time, adding to it every day until you feel you have rid yourself of every instance of anger or pain you associate with your ex. You may want to detail any infidelity, any moments where your ex made you feel like a lesser person or abused you in anyway.
2. 
   2
   Analyze your feelings. Once you feel you have written down every possible bad moment or feeling of hatred towards your ex, read it over at least twice. Use the document as evidence of your past relationship and how bad you felt during the relationship. When you are done reading it, tear it up or destroy it. This will symbolize you are willing to admit your hatred for your ex and you are choosing to destroy that hatred or be rid of it.

   • If you are seeing a therapist or other professional counselor as you work through your issues with your ex partner, you may want to bring the document to your session and tear it up in front of your therapist. Having a trusted witness to the destruction of the document can help to motivate you to feel you can let go of your hatred.
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3. 
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   Commit to letting go of your hatred. Remember that hate is not a very productive emotion and can often be debilitating to yourself and to those around you. Think about how you can replace your feelings of hatred with excitement about the future or motivation for the next phase of your life, without your ex. Once you commit yourself to letting go of your hatred for your ex, you can move on to other less detrimental emotions like pity, dislike, and even acceptance.

   • You may be afraid to let go of your hatred because in some way it keeps you connected to your ex. Anger can act as a form of negative attachment, as opposed to love or happiness, which are positive attachments. Rather than let your hatred keep you emotionally tied to your ex, release your hatred so you can finally leave your ex behind. By letting go of your anger and hatred, you do not need to forgive or forget your ex’s hurtful behavior, but you can be freed of emotions that will only make you feel worse and more alone.
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Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Moving Forward

1. 
   1
   Avoid contact with your ex partner or spouse. Though it may be tempting to share your anger with your ex in the form of a long, hate filled email, a text message, or angry voicemails, avoid contacting him or her in any way. Creating distance between you and your ex will help you to process your emotions and not get sucked back into the negative feelings you associate with your ex.

   • If you need to exchange personal items post break up, enlist the help of a friend or relative so you do not have to see your ex face to face. Give yourself time away from your ex so you can move forward with your life, free of any reminders of past anger and hatred.
2. 
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   Practice self care. Often, anger and hatred are emotions that can distract you from your needs. Take the time to re focus on yourself by pampering or treating yourself. This could be a long bath, a walk in your favorite area, or working on a hobby or craft. Practicing self care will show you have compassion for yourself and give you the opportunity to focus your energies on your needs, rather than the needs of your ex.
3. 
   3
   Make a list of goals for the coming year. To motivate yourself to focus on the future, rather than the past, create a list of short term and long term goals for the year. Think about skills you have wanted to learn or get better at, but were not able to get to due to your relationship with your ex or dealing with your hatred after breaking up with your ex.

   • These could be short term goals like take a cooking class or long term goals like run every morning or do yoga at least three times a week. Focus on realistic goals that you feel you can meet and push yourself to achieve these goals. You’ll get a boost of self confidence and feel good knowing your energy and personal time is not being spent on your ex-partner.
4. 
   4
   Spend time with family and friends. When you are dealing with break up feelings, it can help to lean on your family and close friends as your support system. Often, family and friends will encourage you to let get of your hatred of your ex and focus on your goals for the future.

   • They can also offer guidance and support in a constant and accessible way. Don’t be afraid to ask for their help or advice if you are struggling with your feelings of anger and hatred. Leaning on family and friends during a hard time can make all the difference and give you the confidence you need to finally let go of negative feelings.
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Expert Q&A

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• Question

  How do I control my feelings after a break up?

  

  Kate Dreyfus
  Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

  Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University.

  

  Kate Dreyfus

  Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

  Expert Answer

  Acknowledge your feelings and remind yourself that they're valid. Showing up for yourself from a place of understanding helps build self-compassion, which, in turn, supports self-healing.

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• Question

  How do you deal with a breakup when you still love them?

  

  Kate Dreyfus
  Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

  Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University.

  

  Kate Dreyfus

  Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

  Expert Answer

  Journaling can help! Try to make time for it once a week. This type of self-expression helps you release anything that you didn't say or wasn't heard by your ex. It's important to let it all out—try not to suppress anything. In many breakup cases, frustration and anger come from not being heard, seen, valued, and respected.

  Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
  Thank you for your feedback.
  If How.com.vn has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission.Support How.com.vn

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• Question

  How do I stop hurting after a break up?

  

  Kate Dreyfus
  Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

  Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University.

  

  Kate Dreyfus

  Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

  Expert Answer

  Try treating your breakup as an opportunity for learning and growth. What new wisdom and awareness have you gained from this relationship? How can you use it to support your personal growth?

  Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
  Thank you for your feedback.
  If How.com.vn has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission.Support How.com.vn

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