This article was written by Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC and by How.com.vn staff writer, Dev Murphy, MA. Dr. Tara Vossenkemper is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Founder and Managing Director of The Counseling Hub, LLC, a group counseling practice located in Columbia, Missouri. She is also the Founder of and a Business Consultant with Tara Vossenkemper Consulting, LLC, a consulting service for therapy practice owners. With over nine years of experience, she specializes in using the Gottman Method of relationship therapy with couples on the brink of divorce, who have conflict, or who feel disconnected from one another. Dr. Vossenkemper holds a BA in Psychology from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis, an MA in Counseling from Missouri Baptist University, and a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis. She has also completed Level 3 training in the Gottman Method Couples Therapy approach and has been formally trained in both the Prepare-Enrich Premarital Couples Counseling approach and the PREP Approach for couples counseling.
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It’s frustrating when we feel like the person we’re talking to isn’t understanding what we’re saying. What makes this situation even more aggravating is when that person is our significant other! When your husband or boyfriend seems to be misinterpreting everything you say, it can feel like you’re both speaking entirely different languages. So how do you fix this problem? Read on: we’ve compiled a list of possible solutions to help you resolve the situation.
This article is based on an interview with our licensed professional counselor, Tara Vossenkemper, founder of Tara Vossenkemper Consulting, LLC. Check out the full interview here.
Things You Should Know
- Practice active listening to better understand what your husband is saying and to help him understand where you're coming from.
- Fight productively: communicate expectations clearly, and criticize your partner's actions, rather than your partner himself.
- Remember that neither of you is a mind-reader. Don't take it for granted that your husband automatically knows how you feel, or that you know how he feels.
- Take a break from fighting when you need it. It's OK to put a fight on hold for a night, but let your husband know you want to continue it later.
Steps
Expert Q&A
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-it-together/202006/active-listening-skills
- ↑ https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/2019/08/five-tips-for-nonjudgmental-listening/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/divorce-busting/202008/stop-mind-reading
- ↑ https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/
- ↑ https://www.we.org/en-US/we-stories/opinion/arguing-productively
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/patient-zero/202110/how-effectively-communicate-others
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5961625/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/202011/5-reasons-why-you-keep-having-the-same-argument
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/joyful-parenting/201602/what-do-when-you-cant-get-out-argument
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