How to Make Transgender Friends

Finding other transgender people, especially outside cities, can be incredibly difficult, especially since most are closeted. This article is about how to go about making transgender and nonbinary friends.

Steps

1
Educate yourself on transgender issues and ways to be respectful. This includes pronoun knowledge as well as terminology. Simple errors like using transgender as a noun (ex. a transgender) rather than an adjective (ex. a transgender person) can make a trans person feel like an 'object' or offend them. The term "transgender" is a verb, not a noun. Transgender people is the correct term. Also, learn about pronouns, transphobia, the gender spectrum, and terms like AFAB and AMAB.^{[1]XResearch source}
- A good website for education on transgender folks and transgender issues is TransEquality.org
Some you probably have things in common with. Some you won’t. Transgender people aren't just 'trans people'. They are more than just their gender identity, as are you, and like you do, even transgender and nonbinary people have interests, likes, dislikes, hobbies, and personalities.^{[2]XResearch source}
3
Remember that 'seeking' a transgender or nonbinary friend isn't just going to happen. If you are someone and consider to be an ally, a transgender person will become your friend. It will have nothing to do with their or your gender identity, and your friendship will certainly not happen because you want a transgender friend.^{[3]XResearch source}
- Don't look for someone solely on the basis of their gender identity. People won't appreciate it if you use them to meet a diversity quota in your friendships.
Don't treat LGBTQ and genderqueer friends to show that you're an ally or to say “Look, I have a transgender friend! I'm a good person!" If you want a friend solely because they are transgender, the community will treat you with hostility. Instead of being known as someone who objectifies others, you can build a reputation as someone who is kind and open-minded to friends of all types.^{[4]XResearch source}
5
Ask respectful questions. Refrain from asking personal questions about the person's gender identity, surgeries/operations, 'old name' or deadname, 'wrong', "Are you male or female?", or tell them they're transitioning. Instead, ask questions like:^{[5]XResearch source}
- "My pronouns are (your pronouns). What pronouns do you prefer?"
- "Hi, I'm (your name). What's your name?"
Treat them like any other friend. Be there for your friend. Be loyal, respectful, and dependable, and be there in a time of crisis. Good friends are loyal and accept you for who you are in both good and bad times, don't judge you, and offer thoughtful advice when necessary.
7
Support your friend through everything. If you and your friend are young/teenagers, chances are that your friend could have dysphoria and experience homophobia or transphobia. Ask what you can do to help your friend and show support, care (your friend might not want any help), and allow your friend to vent without giving (unwanted) advice.
- Listen to them without judgment, express care and concern, and offer your support so they feel safe and like they can be themselves around you.
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Tips

Avoid using slurs and making homophobic jokes, as these can be very hurtful and damaging.
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Don't make gender and sexual orientation the topic of every chat.
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