How to Make Mom Friends

Are you struggling to maintain connections now that you’re a mom? Or maybe you are simply interested in having friends who you can relate to. If you are seeking new friends as a mom, it can be easy to feel discouraged. It might seem like no one is open to new friendships. However, if you put yourself out there more, use your kids as a guide, and learn to handle setbacks, you can make lasting friends with other moms in no time.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Positioning Yourself to Make Friends

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Take initiative. Introduce yourself. You can’t expect to fill your social calendar with gatherings if you’re being a wallflower. Keep in mind that other moms are just as busy juggling a million tasks as you. If you don’t put in the effort, she may not think you’re interested in forming a bond.
- As hard as it is sometimes, making new friends requires stepping out of your comfort zone. When you notice someone with mutual interests, take the chance and get acquainted. You can say, “Hi! I noticed you were reading Gillian Flynn…I love Gone Girl! I’m Crystal, by the way. What’s your name?”^{[1]XResearch source}
- Many mothers also want to make friends with other moms. Remember that others are in the same position as you, and they may appreciate having someone reach out to them.
2
Ask open-ended questions to find common ground. Once introductions have been made it, it can seem challenging to keep the conversation going. The trick to doing this is in the type of questions you ask. People enjoy talking about themselves. Moms, in particular, like talking about their children. So, ask an open-ended question that stimulates conversation.^{[2]XResearch source}
- Open-ended questions are those that require more than one- or two-word answers. They force the responder to provide more detail and clarifying information.^{[3]XResearch source}
- For example, you could ask, “You’re not from here, are you?” and receive a one-word reply of “no.” Or, you could ask, “I haven’t see you in this area before. What brings you to Pleasant Springs?” The other mom has to share more information, which gives you more possible paths to keep the conversation going.
3
Go where moms are. Being frustrated with not having any other mom friends is one thing, but you can’t really expect to connect with local moms if you’re hanging out with child-free singles or couples. Find out where the moms in your area congregate and become a familiar face in the crowd. When you see the same face more frequently, you’re more likely to build up the confidence to strike up a conversation.
- Join a pottery or spin class. Visit the park. Get a membership at the gym that offers “Mommy and Me” classes. Just put yourself out there.^{[4]XResearch source}
- Then, take the opportunity to introduce yourself to some of the faces you see there often.
4
Hang later after practice and events. Rushing off after your child’s ballet class to deal with laundry or pick up groceries may help you get through your to-do list faster, but it could also block your friendship-making abilities. When you pick your kid up from soccer practice, linger for a bit to chat with the coach, kids, and other moms.
- For instance, you might ask the coach “Can I help put away the supplies?” This simple 10-minute task might position you to overhear a group of other moms planning a play-date or organizing a fundraiser. Initiate conversation with a polite “Oh, a play-date sounds fun!” and you’ll likely be welcomed into the fold. ^{[5]XResearch source}
5
Join an organization or volunteer. You can expose yourself to more potential mom friends by getting more involved at your children's schools or in community youth organizations. Becoming a member of the local PTA, offering to be room mom at your daughter's preschool, or helping your son's softball team on weekends are all great ways to meet other moms.
- If you work full-time, choose one activity that appeals to you the most instead of trying out multiple groups. If it doesn't work out, you can try something else later.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Following Your Kid's Lead

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Make conversation with the mothers of your kids’ best pals. In comparison to other adults trying to make friends, moms have one connection working in your favor: your kids. Even if you share almost nothing else in common, you are both mothers. Use your kids’ relationships to help you forge bonds with other mothers.
- While chaperoning your child’s field trip, for example, you might catch the attention of another mom and say, “It seems our kids are getting on quite well. I’m glad Asher has a close pal in his class.”^{[6]XResearch source}
2
Plan play-dates that double as mom dates. Don’t stop at using your kids to spark conversation. You can also take advantage of their inherent need to socialize to fulfill your own friendship needs. If you see your child taking an interest in another mom’s kid, take action to solidify a way for everyone to get to know each other better.
- You might say, “Looks like we have two princesses-in-training. Tiffany loves tea parties. Do you think Sandy would like to join her for one?”^{[7]XResearch source}
- Use this play-date as an opportunity to forge a bond with the other mom. You might have an adult tea party, too.
3
Express curiosity like kids. One thing adults lose over time—or, at least, compartmentalize—is a sense of wonder for their environments and the people around them.^{[8]XResearch source} Follow your kid’s lead and take a step back from the hustle and bustle to truly take in life as it’s happening around you. This can bring awareness to all the opportunities you have to connect with other moms.
- Since people enjoy talking about themselves, use this characteristic in your favor. For instance, you might notice that one mom always wear the same pin on her lapel. Ask out of curiosity, “I don’t know if I’ve ever seen you without that pin. Could you tell me about it?”
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Overcoming Discouragement

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Be patient. Friendship-making is a game for the courageous and persistent. Every now and then, you may strike gold and connect with someone who has many of the same interests as you. Other times, your attempts may fall short because the other mom is too busy or isn’t in the market for new friends. Recognize that you won’t hit it off with everyone you meet. Nurse your wounds of rejection and keep trying.^{[9]XResearch source}
- Go into every situation looking for something to learn rather than thinking you'll come away with a new pal. For instance, attending a larger play-date might help you learn that you prefer more intimate, one-on-one gatherings. Next time, you can arrange meetings that suit your style to help you feel more comfortable and increase your odds of meetings someone with mutual interests.
2
Adjust your expectations. Setting realistic expectations is central to making mom friends. Unlike other times in life such as high school or college, mom friendships may not include liberties like answering late-night phone calls to vent. Moms have tons of obligations, and, sometimes, friendships can’t be at the forefront. Be understanding of the friendships you have with other moms and try not to set the bar so high that your pals are destined to fail.
- For instance, it would be unrealistic to expect that each time you were free to get together your other mom friends are, too. Minimize disappointment by either setting a regular date to get together or planning well in advance. Even then, a sick child or a last-minute school project can throw off plans. Be forgiving and don’t expect too much from your mom pals. ^{[10]XResearch source}
- Even if other people are frequently busy or unavailable, continue reaching out, especially if you need help. The other moms may even start reaching out to you.
3
Celebrate small wins. If before, you had very few connections with other moms in your area, give yourself a pat on the back when you start taking initiative. Perhaps you won’t make a new friend on your first try, but applaud yourself for taking the risk.
- Making friends as an adult is a tricky process. So, celebrate any attempts you make to plan play-dates, stimulate conversations, or get involved with other moms.
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