How to Like Your Current Boyfriend when You Still Love Your Ex

Sometimes you can still have feelings for your ex, although you are in a new relationship. But, you may find that you are having a hard time liking your boyfriend when you secretly (or not) still love your ex. With an open mind and determination, however, you can enjoy your relationship even though you haven't completely moved on from your ex.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Learning More About Your Boyfriend

1
Get to know your boyfriend. One of the best ways to like your current boyfriend is to get to know more about him.^{[1]XResearch source} There are things about him that you already know and like (or else you wouldn't be with him), but there's probably a lot about him that you don't know yet. Learning more about your boyfriend's interests, hobbies, quirks, etc. will make it a lot easier to like him even though you still love your ex.
- Discover what makes him smile and laugh, what upsets him, and what his fears, hopes, and dreams are.
2
Accept that he's not perfect. Your new boyfriend will make mistakes, but you shouldn't hold these against him. Don't use his small mess-ups as a reason to not like him. Unless he is doing something that you consider a deal-breaker, cut him a little slack.^{[2]XResearch source}
- No one is going to have all of the qualities you are looking for or do things the way you prefer all of the time.
- Don't expect him to know all your likes and dislikes yet. The relationship is still new, so give him time to get to know you.
- When he does make a mistake, avoid telling him he is acting like your ex (or how your ex would have handled it better). That can hurt him and make him mad.
3
Be respectful. It's hard to like someone you don't have respect for. So, to like your boyfriend, respect him. Value him as a person, as well as his presence and his opinion. Treat him like he is important to you when you are alone and in public.
- You can show your boyfriend respect by not bringing up your ex a lot or doing things that indicate that you still love your ex.
- Show respect for your boyfriend and your current relationship by acting like you are in a relationship (not like a girl trying to get over her ex), spending time with your boyfriend, and getting to know him.
4
Don't make comparisons. Comparing your current boyfriend to your ex is not a good idea for several reasons. Mainly it's a bad idea because in order to compare the two, you have to think about your ex. A lot. It's also not a good idea because you should like your current boyfriend for who he is — not because of how he is different from (or similar to) your ex.^{[3]XResearch source}
- Try not to think about what your boyfriend does better or even similar to your ex.
- Don't look for things that your ex did better. It will reinforce your love for your ex, not help you like your boyfriend more.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Strengthening Your New Relationship

1
Believe it can work. If you don't believe your new relationship has a future, you aren't going to be as invested in it or in liking your new boyfriend. Believing and wanting your relationship to work will help you be positive about the relationship and your boyfriend. It will also help you get over ex if you are fully invested in making your new relationship the best it can be.
- Make a list of all the reasons you believe this relationship can and will work out.
- Talk to your new boyfriend about how the two of you can make your relationship good for both of you.
2
Be open to new things. Don't try to do what you did, the way you did it with your ex. Remember that this relationship is new and different. You don't want to replay your old relationship with a new boyfriend. Trying new things, having new rituals, and making new traditions with your boyfriend will help the two of you bond — making it easier to like him even though you still love your ex.
- If you and your ex ate lunch together every Wednesday and Friday, consider meeting your new beau for weekend brunch.
- If you called your ex "Baby," try calling your current boyfriend "Sweetie," "Honey," or some other nickname.
3
Talk about your ex.This does not mean have a long conversation about why your ex was so wonderful and especially not that you still love him. You should, however, talk briefly about why the relationship ended.^{[4]XResearch source} Talking about it is part of letting your boyfriend get to know you better. It also reinforces for you why your ex is your ex and not your boyfriend, which can help you like your boyfriend even more.
- Keep the talk to the basics: who he was, how long you were together, why you aren't together anymore.
- Be honest. Don't bash your ex if he honestly doesn't deserve it and, at the same time, don't glorify him. Just be truthful about him and your old relationship.
- Talk about it once and then don't talk about any more. Bringing it up over and over again will hurt your new boyfriend.
- If you feel the need to talk about your ex more, then talk to a friend, or if needed, a counselor.
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Moving On From Your Ex

1
Accept that it's over. One of the best ways for you to move on from your ex is to admit the relationship is over. Although you may be holding onto the hope that you and he will get back together, you need to let that hope fade. The relationship is over and he is your ex, not your boyfriend. Understanding this will help you move on and focus more on your current boyfriend.
- Avoid still thinking of your ex as your boyfriend. He's not. Try to avoid thinking of him at all.
- Write in your journal or talk with a friend about the relationship ending. Be sure to refer to the relationship in the past tense to emphasis that it is over and include the reasons you broke up.
- Every time you think about him, also think about why you are glad you aren't together anymore. Make a list of reasons you're glad if you need to.
2
Consider why you broke up. Sometimes, when we love someone, we overlook or 'forget' the reasons why they are not a good match for us. We remember the good things about the person, but skip over the bad. Thinking honestly about why you broke up can give perspective on the situation and help you accept that your new boyfriend might be better for you right now.
- Did your ex do something wrong like lie to you or cheat on you? Were you two not compatible or did you grow apart?
- Did he leave you for someone else or simply break up with you for no reason? Did you do something that caused the relationship to end?
- Write a letter to yourself listing all of the reasons why your ex wasn't right for you. Refer to it as often as necessary.
3
Think about if you're really ready for a new relationship. If you are not invested in your current relationship, and you are not over your ex, you may want to evaluate if you are ready to date right now. It might be best to have some alone time to process your feelings before trying to force yourself to feel a certain way for your current boyfriend.^{[5]XExpert SourceErika Kaplan
MatchmakerExpert Interview. 1 October 2020.}
- Ask yourself: Am I dating him because I really like him or for some other reason? Am I trying to get revenge against my ex or make him jealous? Do I just like the idea of being with someone and I don't want to be single?
- Consider that, if you still love your ex, you may not be ready to enter a new relationship and you need to spend some time working through your feelings and healing before you are ready to date.
- Spend some time with friends and family, work on achieving personal goals, and improving your self-esteem while you get over your ex.
4
Avoid contact with your ex. Unless there is a very good reason, you should not be in contact with your ex, and especially not on a regular basis. Keeping in contact will make it harder for you to move and have you stuck loving him. Eventually this will get in the way of your new relationship.
- Don't call, text, email, or go by to see how he is doing. He is fine.
- Consider temporarily blocking him on social media so that you don't have his posts popping up on your timeline remind you of him or tempting you to comment on them.^{[6]XResearch source}
- If you must have contact, keep it to a minimum and avoid talking about your past relationship.
5
Learn to see your ex in a new light. Some relationships end for very good, clear reasons — someone cheated, or the relationship was toxic and unhealthy. But sometimes a relationship ends without an obvious reason — you love each other but you want different things, one of you had to relocate, etc. — and these can be especially hard to get over. Your ex may be an awesome person that is deserving of your love, but it just wasn't right. So how do you get over this person? Try to separate the familiar, admiration-type of love from the romantic type of love you had hoped for.
- It's very normal to still have feelings after a relationship ends. Remember, your ex was a part of your life for a long time, and it can be hard to close your heart again once you open it up.^{[7]XExpert SourceErika Kaplan
  MatchmakerExpert Interview. 1 October 2020.}
As time passes you will think less and less about your past relationship and eventually you will get over your love for your ex. It may take weeks, months, or even a year. But, you have got to be patient and allow time to help you move on.
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Expert Q&A

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Question
Can you be in love with your ex and your boyfriend?
Erika Kaplan
Matchmaker
Erika Kaplan is a Dating Coach and Matchmaker for Three Day Rule, an exclusive matchmaking company across nine cities in the United States. With over six years of experience, Erika specializes in helping singles find quality matches through date coaching and premium matchmaking services. Erika graduated from Penn State with a Bachelor’s degree in Public Relations. She worked for Rolling Stone, Us Weekly, and Men’s Journal before leaving publishing to pursue her passion for connecting people. Erika has been featured on Lifetime, the Philadelphia Inquirer, and CBS as well as in Thrillist, Elite Daily, Men’s Health, Fast Company, and Refinery29.
Erika Kaplan
Matchmaker
Expert Answer
It's okay to love your ex as a friend and someone you care about and respect, and you can do that while loving your new boyfriend in a romantic way.
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Question
Should I date someone if I still love my ex?
Erika Kaplan
Matchmaker
Erika Kaplan is a Dating Coach and Matchmaker for Three Day Rule, an exclusive matchmaking company across nine cities in the United States. With over six years of experience, Erika specializes in helping singles find quality matches through date coaching and premium matchmaking services. Erika graduated from Penn State with a Bachelor’s degree in Public Relations. She worked for Rolling Stone, Us Weekly, and Men’s Journal before leaving publishing to pursue her passion for connecting people. Erika has been featured on Lifetime, the Philadelphia Inquirer, and CBS as well as in Thrillist, Elite Daily, Men’s Health, Fast Company, and Refinery29.
Erika Kaplan
Matchmaker
Expert Answer
Ask yourself whether you feel safe enough with this person to open up and be vulnerable. If not, you might need to take a little more time before starting a new relationship.
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Question
How do I get over my ex if I'm in a new relationship?
Erika Kaplan
Matchmaker
Erika Kaplan is a Dating Coach and Matchmaker for Three Day Rule, an exclusive matchmaking company across nine cities in the United States. With over six years of experience, Erika specializes in helping singles find quality matches through date coaching and premium matchmaking services. Erika graduated from Penn State with a Bachelor’s degree in Public Relations. She worked for Rolling Stone, Us Weekly, and Men’s Journal before leaving publishing to pursue her passion for connecting people. Erika has been featured on Lifetime, the Philadelphia Inquirer, and CBS as well as in Thrillist, Elite Daily, Men’s Health, Fast Company, and Refinery29.
Erika Kaplan
Matchmaker
Expert Answer
It's really just a matter of feeling healed enough where you can allow yourself to be vulnerable with someone else. You may still feel feelings for your ex because they were part of your life for a long time, and that's okay. What you need to evaluate is how you feel about this new person moving forward, separately from how you feel about your ex.
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Tips

Give back or throw away stuff that reminds you of your ex.
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Focus on seeing the good in your boyfriend, but at the same time don't overlook warning signs (like arguing all the time or cheating) that he might not be the one for you.
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