How to Learn to Cope if You Are a Highly Sensitive Person

If you have heard comments all of your life such as, “You’re too sensitive; lighten up,” or “You cry a lot,” you may be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). According to Elaine Aron,^{[1]XResearch source Aron, E.N. (1996). The highly sensitive person: How to thrive when the world overwhelms you. New York: Broadway Books.} a clinical psychologist who has researched HSPs and written many books on the subject, HSPs naturally have a more sensitive nervous system, leading them to notice subtleties about their environments that others do not. While others can walk into a room noticing only the furniture or the number of people, you receive myriad informational cues about the moods and relationships of other people, which over time leaves your neural system feeling exhausted. These experiences might often lead you to retreat to be alone to cry or process all that you have sensed, which can make you feel overwhelmed or question whether or not you have a problem. According to Dr. Aron,^{[2]XResearch source Aron, E.N. (1996). The highly sensitive person: How to thrive when the world overwhelms you. New York: Broadway Books.} the key to coping with your characteristics as an HSP is to reframe your trait and begin seeing is as an asset.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Living as an HSP

1
Manage your stress well. As an HSP, you need to manage stress effectively because your heightened senses and sensitive neural system cause you to feel stress more acutely than other people.^{[3]XResearch source} You will likely feel the effects of stress if you attempt to keep up with outside demands when your body is telling you that you need a break to refresh and regroup.
- Stress causes a physiological response in the body. It causes the body to produce increased cortisol and epinephrine, which sends your body into “flight” mode. Additionally, stress causes your liver to produce more glucose, your heart rate increases, your blood vessels dilate, your breathing rate increases, your muscles tense, and your stomach may become upset, possibly leading to vomiting.^{[4]XTrustworthy SourceAmerican Psychological AssociationLeading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologistsGo to source}
- Untreated or prolonged stress can lead to risk for hypertension, heart attack, stroke, chronic headaches, and persistent fatigue.^{[5]XTrustworthy SourceAmerican Psychological AssociationLeading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologistsGo to source}
2
Socialize appropriately. People with highly sensitive personalities tend to either over-socialize or under-socialize. ^{[6]XResearch source Aron, E.N. (1996). The highly sensitive person: How to thrive when the world overwhelms you. New York: Broadway Books.} It is important to find the right balance between getting out of your house (and your comfort zone!) while allowing yourself much-needed decompression in the form of time alone in a familiar setting.
- If you spend too much time out, you may find yourself listening more to external demands than internal demands and you’re likely to become overwhelmed or over-stimulated on a regular basis. This can lead to physical symptoms of stress, including headaches, fatigue, muscle tension, and even insomnia.
- If you spend too much time in, you run the risk of missing out on valuable experiences and activities. Additionally, going out can become increasingly difficult as you become less accustomed to being in unfamiliar or uncomfortable situations. If you begin to feel restless and lonely, you may want to push yourself towards more social activities.
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3
Get a lot of rest. Everyone needs to get plenty of sleep to thrive, but sensitive individuals may find sleep even more important. Sleep helps the body repair and allows individuals to regulate emotions effectively. HSPs may do worse than others attempting to work night shifts or recovering from jet lag.
- Poor sleep can produce memory problems, poor mood, impaired judgment, and chronic health problems.^{[7]XTrustworthy SourceAmerican Psychological AssociationLeading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologistsGo to source}
- Poor sleep is also linked to chronic stress or the inability to deal with stress effectively.^{[8]XTrustworthy SourceAmerican Psychological AssociationLeading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologistsGo to source}
4
Allow yourself leisure time. Many highly sensitive people are perfectionists and they do not allow themselves time to relax and unwind. Building time into your schedule for leisure or “play” can help you relax and manage your stress. ^{[9]XResearch source Aron, E.N. (1996). The highly sensitive person: How to thrive when the world overwhelms you. New York: Broadway Books.}
- Some activities that someone who is an HSP may enjoy include reading a book, gardening, or cooking a new meal.
5
Find transcendence. Dr. Aron suggests that highly sensitive people find a form of rest through “transcendence,” or connecting to something larger than themselves. ^{[10]XResearch source Aron, E.N. (1996). The highly sensitive person: How to thrive when the world overwhelms you. New York: Broadway Books.} This can be meditation, yoga, prayer, or just thoughtful contemplation. Transcendence allows the mind to rest while conscious, which can help with stress management and general feelings of calm.
- Meditation helps make you more mindful of your thoughts, feelings, and actions in the present moment. It can also reduce blood pressure, reduce stress, and lead to an increase in self-care.^{[11]XTrustworthy SourceAmerican Psychological AssociationLeading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologistsGo to source}
6
Set personal boundaries. Many HSPs have difficulty setting personal boundaries. This leads them to become overly involved in other people’s lives, become intimate with others too quickly, and be overly affected by the emotions of others. Personal boundaries can be flexible and allow you to share what you want to share but keep things to yourself when you want to. Don’t get discouraged if you have difficulty setting boundaries at first; think about it as a process instead of a specific end result. ^{[12]XResearch source Aron, E.N. (1996). The highly sensitive person: How to thrive when the world overwhelms you. New York: Broadway Books.}
- Setting personal boundaries can help by:
  - Allowing you to determine the level of intimacy or involvement that you feel comfortable with
  - Helping you assert the importance of your own needs while also addressing the needs of others.
- Some examples of setting personal boundaries includes telling coworkers that you do not wish to hear about office gossip or telling a friend when you need some down time to yourself.
  - For example, you could tell a coworker, “I appreciate your including me in the conversation, but I prefer to talk about other topics that do not involve the personal lives of our coworkers.”
  - For example, you might tell a friend, “Jane, I know that you are going through a difficult divorce, and I really want to be there for you, but I need a break tonight to unwind. Could we meet for coffee in the morning, and I can give you the full consideration that you deserve?”
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Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Calming Down when Overwhelmed

^{[13]XResearch source Aron, E.N. (1996). The highly sensitive person: How to thrive when the world overwhelms you. New York: Broadway Books.} Remind yourself of the positive aspects of having an HSP personality (see the “Valuing HSP Characteristics” section). Tell yourself that your reaction to the given situation is a normal part of your highly sensitive personality, and that there is nothing to be afraid of. Notice the things around you that are most familiar to you and try to focus on those.
2
Repeat a mantra. ^{[14]XResearch source Aron, E.N. (1996). The highly sensitive person: How to thrive when the world overwhelms you. New York: Broadway Books.} A mantra is a word or phrase that calms you. It can be an inspirational quote, a phrase that is meaningful to you, or a prayer. Focusing on a mantra provides you with a mini-meditation that can reduce your body’s stress response and help you focus on the present moment.^{[15]XTrustworthy SourceAmerican Psychological AssociationLeading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologistsGo to source}
- Examples of mantras are, “I am great the way I am,” “I can manage my sensitivity” or “this, too, shall pass.”
^{[16]XResearch source Aron, E.N. (1996). The highly sensitive person: How to thrive when the world overwhelms you. New York: Broadway Books.} People who are highly sensitive often feel very connected to music. They tend to respond emotionally to music, so listening to calming music in times of overstimulation can help calm them. While listening to music, try to focus on your inward state and on the sounds of the music, blocking out other external stressors.
^{[17]XResearch source Aron, E.N. (1996). The highly sensitive person: How to thrive when the world overwhelms you. New York: Broadway Books.} As silly as it sounds, you may need to close your eyes if you feel overwhelmed. Closing your eyes can help you block out overwhelming visual stimuli, which can help separate you from external stress. Taking deep breaths while your eyes are closed can help you feel calmer.
5
Give yourself breaks. ^{[18]XResearch source Aron, E.N. (1996). The highly sensitive person: How to thrive when the world overwhelms you. New York: Broadway Books.} If you are an HSP, you may need to build breaks into your schedule, particularly if you have many tasks to complete or you are going to be in a crowded environment.
- You can even set an alarm at a given interval to give yourself a break. This can help prevent you from feeling overwhelmed or over-stimulated.
6
Go for a walk. Walking has the double-benefit of being a form of physical exercise, which can reduce muscle tension and get out nervous energy, and allowing you to remove yourself from stressful stimulation. ^{[19]XTrustworthy SourceAmerican Psychological AssociationLeading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologistsGo to source}
- If possible, walk outdoors. ^{[20]XResearch source Aron, E.N. (1996). The highly sensitive person: How to thrive when the world overwhelms you. New York: Broadway Books.} Being outdoors is often less overwhelming than crowded indoor spaces, and scenic views of nature can be of solace to highly sensitive individuals.
7
Regulate your breathing. ^{[21]XTrustworthy SourceAmerican Psychological AssociationLeading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologistsGo to source} If you find yourself beginning to breathe rapidly (hyperventilating), control your breathing by inhaling deeply for 5 seconds, holding for 5 seconds, and exhaling for 5 seconds. Then take 2 normal breaths and repeat the 5-second breath cycle.
- This helps signal to your body that you do not need to be in “fight or flight” mode.
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Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Valuing HSP Characteristics

1
Remember a time that being HSP has really helped you or another. Because highly sensitive people are more attuned to subtle changes, they often recognize danger before others. Dr. Aron experienced this when she saved her entire family from a house fire when she was easily woken by the first light of the fire.
- To make her clients think about how valuable being an HSP can be, Dr. Aron asks them to respond to the following prompt: “Think back to one or more times that your sensitivity has saved you or someone else from suffering, great loss, or even death.” ^{[22]XResearch source Aron, E.N. (1996). The highly sensitive person: How to thrive when the world overwhelms you. New York: Broadway Books}
^{[23]XResearch source} Everyone has different personalities, and there is no “right” or “wrong” way to act or feel. Accept the fact that being more sensitive than some other people does not make you any less valuable. Viewing HSP as part of your unique personality, rather than as a disorder or a hindrance, can help you accept it.
3
Disregard your “inner critic.”^{[24]XResearch source} Many people (not just HSP) have a voice inside their heads that constantly criticizes them. This inner critic should be challenged, questioned, and ultimately silenced as you learn to accept yourself for who you are and treat yourself as you would treat a dear friend, not an enemy. Part of this involves realizing that you are having a negative thought, stopping yourself, and reframing the thought.
- For example, your inner critic may say, “I am so embarrassed that I am the only person who has ever cried at work in front of others. There must be something wrong with me.” You can stop yourself and reframe that as, “I am sensitive and that is okay. Even though I cry at work occasionally, I am also the person that my coworkers feel comfortable approaching for advice or empathy for their personal problems.”
4
Focus on positive aspects of your HSP traits.^{[25]XResearch source} Write a list of traits that are unique to your sensitive personality. Then, underneath each trait, write about how that trait is positive and valuable. This can help you realize how special you are.
- For example, you might write “aware of others’ feelings.” Beneath this, you can write all of the benefits of that: you’re a good friend, you try to be kind to others, you know when someone needs a hug or a laugh, and you are able to mediate between people experiencing conflict.
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Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Understanding HSP

1
Recognize the social signs of an HSP. A highly sensitive person is likely to notice their personality characteristics in social situations and interpersonal relationships. You might be an HSP if you experience the following:^{[26]XResearch source}
- You are highly influenced by other’s moods
- You are highly empathetic to people you know and those you don’t know
- You are hyperaware of how your emotions, behaviors, and words affect others
- You feel nervous when others are observing you complete a task or compete
- You notice subtle differences in your surroundings that others tend not to notice
- You feel over-stimulated in crowded social situations and feel the need to leave and spend time alone afterwards
2
Evaluate your emotional characteristics. Persons who are highly sensitive are often more affected by their emotions than other people. Some emotional traits that characterize HSPs are:
- A tendency to retreat into inner thoughts
- A deep connection to art or music
- The tendency to frighten or startle easily
- An inability to adapt to life changes
- Becoming easily overwhelmed by tasks or deadlines
3
Look for physical symptoms of HSP. Though many of the traits of an HSP are emotional or social, there are also some physical traits involved. These may be tied to the fact that people with HSP tend to have a more sensitive nervous system, which affects both their emotions and their bodies. You may experience the following physical symptoms as an HSP:^{[27]XResearch source}
- Acute sensitivity to pain
- Feeling overwhelmed by loud sounds, bright lights, or strong smells
- Being greatly affected by medications, stimulants (coffee), or alcohol
- Reacting strongly to hunger (reduced concentration or poor mood)
4
Consider the benefits of being an HSP. Highly sensitive people have characteristics that should be embraced as valuable. If you are an HSP, you are able to pick up on things that other people miss. You are likely able to avoid or spot errors that others miss, concentrate for long periods of time, express yourself creatively, and execute fine motor movements very well. ^{[28]XResearch source Aron, E.N. (1996). The highly sensitive person: How to thrive when the world overwhelms you. New York: Broadway Books.}
- Additionally, many people who are HSP are skilled at self-reflection and self-awareness, instinctively understand the needs and emotions of others, and easily sense verbal and nonverbal social cues. These are important skills that can be marketable.
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Tips

If you feel out of place, it could be because our society tends to under-value sensitivity and value decisiveness, low emotionality, and high sociability instead.^{[29]XResearch source Aron, E. N. (2010). Psychotherapy and the highly sensitive person. [electronic resource] : Improving outcomes for that minority of people who are the majority of clients. Hoboken : Taylor & Francis} However, you’re not alone, as 15-20 percent of the population have characteristics of an HSP.
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Take care of yourself. Some people feel that it’s selfish to take time for themselves, but it often makes you kinder and more patient towards others.
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Warnings

If you feel that you are unable to cope with your sensitivity, find a therapist who can help you come to terms with your personality and give you strategies for dealing with the feelings that accompany increased sensitivity.
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