How to Know What a Man Is Thinking

Think of how much easier your life would be if you could get into a man's head. Instead of driving yourself crazy asking yourself "Does he like me?" or "Is he thinking about me?" watch for signs that he's into you! With most men, actions speak louder than words so start paying attention to his body language and behaviour toward you.

1

If he displays open body language, he's interested in you.

A man who likes you might casually touch your arm or brush against you. He's trying to connect with you because he's interested. He'll probably stand close to you and make direct eye contact, too.^{[1]XResearch source}
- If he's crossing his arms or looking away, he may be feeling uncomfortable.
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2

If he spends a lot of time with you, he likes you.

You know a man is into you if he wants quality time with you.^{[2]XExpert SourceRachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S
Licensed Professional CounselorExpert Interview. 23 March 2022.} He won't just drop in or fit you in when it's convenient for you. Instead, he'll make time in his schedule for you two to do something worthwhile together.^{[3]XResearch source}
- Ask yourself if you're filling in gaps in his schedule or if he's looking forward to spending blocks of time with you. If you feel like you're an afterthought, you definitely deserve better!

3

If he compliments you, he's paying attention to you.

Think about how often he says something thoughtful about you. Most guys probably don't pay attention to the little things, so if he compliments you on your new outfit or notices that you've changed your hair, it shows he's paying attention to you.^{[4]XResearch source}
- For example, he might say, "You got new glasses—they really bring out the color of your eyes." This shows he's noticing you!
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4

If he asks questions about your life, he's curious about you.

A man might ask a question to be polite, but lots of questions signal interest. You can totally tell when a man is making small talk—he'll ask kind of boring, generic questions. However, if he likes you, he'll want to know more about you so you'll get probing, thoughtful questions. He'll also pay attention when you're being direct and forthcoming.^{[5]XResearch source}
- He might ask about your childhood, what you are studying, your job, where you'd like to travel, and so on. He's asking because he wants to figure you out and learn how to connect with you.
- If you're not giving him clear responses or aren't really answering his questions, he may tune out, so be direct when you respond.

5

If he follows you on social media, you're on his mind.

If he's commenting or liking your posts, you're in his thoughts! Keep in mind that some guys aren't big on social media, but they may still read your content. For instance, if you're talking and he mentions something you posted, you know he's been following you.^{[6]XResearch source}
- Is he liking really old posts? This shows he's been going back through your account—a clear sign that he's into you.
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6

If he watches for your reaction, he cares what you think.

Pay attention to where he looks after he makes a comment or joke. If his eyes immediately dart to yours, it's because he wants to see what you thought—he cares about your opinion and is probably trying to impress you!^{[7]XResearch source}
- Although this may be hard to gauge if you're talking one-on-one, it's a great way to learn what he's thinking if you're part of a group.

7

If he texts or messages you often, he wants connection.

You're probably on his mind if he messages you throughout the day. Do you wake up to a text from him? Does he text again before you go to bed? These kinds of checking in messages are his way of staying connected with you during the day.^{[8]XResearch source}
- He might also message randomly during the day just to see how you're day is going.
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8

If he talks about you to your friends, he's into you.

Your mutual friends may tell you that he's always asking them what you're up to or where you're at. They may even be sick of hearing about you! This is a really good sign that you're on his mind a lot.^{[9]XResearch source}

9

If he tells you about himself, he wants you to like him.

A man will share and open up if he cares about you. Guys are notoriously closed-lipped when it comes to opening up. So, if he's telling you about his family, his hopes, or his fears, it's because he values you and wants you to know this about him.^{[10]XResearch source}
- If he's revealing really personal, intimate information, this shows that he trusts you enough to keep it private.
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10

If you're getting mixed signals, he might feel conflicted.

He might blow hot and cold if he's confused about his feelings for you. For example, he may be really friendly and outgoing one day, but quiet and reserved the next. This just means he's not sure how to feel about you.^{[11]XResearch source}
- This is probably confusing for you, too! If you've given him some time to figure out how he feels, but you're still getting mixed signals, come out and just ask him what he thinks.

11

If you're unsure, pay attention to what he does.

Guys can have a hard time expressing themselves. This might mean that a man doesn't know what to say or how to say it, which can lead to miscommunication. Actions are a much better indicator of what a guy is truly thinking so put more weight into what he does, not what he says.^{[12]XExpert SourceRachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S
Licensed Professional CounselorExpert Interview. 23 March 2022.}
- For instance, he may not be great at texting or calling, but does he want to spend a lot of time around you? When he's around, does he hold your hand, make a lot of eye contact, etc? These are great signs that he does care about you even though he may have a hard time saying it.^{[13]XResearch source}
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12

If you're not sure what he's thinking, then ask!

Ask an open-ended question so he can share what he's feeling.^{[14]XExpert SourceRachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S
Licensed Professional CounselorExpert Interview. 23 March 2022.} Instead of trying to read between the lines and imagine what he's thinking, you can always simply ask him. You might say, "How do you feel about us?" "What's on your mind?" or "How have you been feeling lately?"^{[15]XResearch source}
- Avoid asking him questions that he could answer with a simple "yes" or "no" since he may not elaborate on his answer.

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Question
How do I know if it's my gut or paranoia?
Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S
Licensed Professional Counselor
Rachel Eddins is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Executive Director of Eddins Counseling Group. With more than 20 years of experience, she specializes in working with clients with eating disorders, anxiety and depression, relationship issues, and career obstacles. Rachel earned a BA in Psychology from The University of Texas at Austin and an MEd in Counseling from The University of Houston. She received a Group Psychotherapist Certification from the American Group Psychotherapy Association and an Intuitive Eating Counselor Certification through Intuitive Eating Pros. She is also recognized as a Master Career Counselor through the National Career Development Association.
Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S
Licensed Professional Counselor
Expert Answer
Be patient and listen to your intuition when you’re in a positive or neutral place. Watch out for anxiety, however, as self doubt and fear will have you focusing on possible danger instead of what is real and right in front of you.
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