How to Identify when You Are in an Exploitative Relationship

Are you concerned that you may be in a relationship in which you are being taken advantage of? It can start with a feeling that everything is very one-sided, in favor of the other person and that should you happen to raise it, you're often told dismissive things, including to stop thinking only of yourself. Of course, such put downs are intended to keep you from sussing out the truth, that you are being used. If you are being taken advantage of, then you are being exploited and it is recommended that you act to remove yourself from the situation, for your own well-being. This article covers some important issues and red flags that you should become aware of if you think that you're in an exploitative relationship.

Steps

If you found that your partner was insistent from the outset on physical intimacy (sex) and didn't hide this urgent need but insisted on pressuring you, this is a sign of the potential for exploitation.^{[1]XResearch source} If you gave in to this insistence or willingly surrendered to your date, even though in the back of your mind you did not want to do so, this likely established a pattern of demanding that you concede and having you do so. You followed your partner's lead because you thought it was fine to do so.
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Observe the following matters to know whether the relationship is exploitative in financial aspects:
- They have not paid even a single time throughout the dating period. Even if they did, you had to persuade them and ask them to do so. When they did, it would be during "major events" such as Valentine's Day, your birthday or their birthday. Maybe there is a series of "break-ups" prior to such events, with make-ups after the event has taken place, making gift giving easy to avoid.
- Your partner asks you to invest for them with Your Money.
- Your partner asks you to purchase everything for them, from food, for their pets to their desktop Mac and laptop, clothing, costly sunglasses in an expensive brand and gifts for their family during Christmas.
- You agree to almost all of your partner's requests to go for a mini-vacation with them and end up paying for them all. Make sure that you get all the rewards where you both stayed - that's the best you can do for yourself so you can apply the points towards your next break away from them––for good!
- Your partner asks you to pay for their monthly car payment or other expenses they have.
- They ask for your credit/debit card and also your PIN so they can use it towards anything possible in your absence.
- The relationship starts to evolve more with what they want and how much they want you to spend on them than us. You just cannot catch a break from not paying anything or everything for them.
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When a person introduces you too soon to their friends and family, this can be an alert for you. It may be because their biological clock is ticking and they are being exceptionally desperate or obsessive. If your partner introduces you so suddenly within a week or a month when you have not yet been given the chance to know more of who your partner is, etc., this is a red flag. It's an attempt to get you to think they are serious with you. No matter how hot the sex is between the two of you and how insanely handsome or beautiful they are, do not be clouded by this particular action. If you're considering it in retrospect, put this action in with the others to determine whether or not you're being used.
^{[2]XResearch source} If your partner constantly makes you feel guilty if you do not comply or "obey" to their wants and needs, this is a sign of absolute manipulation. For example, your partner acts as if they know it all and should things did not work-out, they will say, “I told you so. You should listen to me more often." Inducing guilt is a classic sign of manipulating a person to get preferred behavior and actions that benefits the manipulator.
For example, if your partner makes a major purchase, such as an automotive purchase or a home, to give you an impression that you both are exclusive and that the purchase is for both of you, but failed to discuss this with you, watch out.^{[3]XResearch source} Even if they used their own credit to attain it, the lack of any thorough discussion between the two of you is a warning sign that your wishes don't count and that they are seeking to boss you about. A balanced relationship requires two people to sit down and discuss the big things with each other.
Sooner or later, when you realize that your partner's exploits diminish your personality and individuality, you'll also discover that you are no longer the happy and cheerful self which you were before. As much as you look forward to seeing them and spending time together, you may begin to dread it more and more. You become a person who you are not, possibly cagey, anxious and jumpy, and you may begin to become withdrawn from the outside world. Another possibility is that you neglect your other loved ones, such as your family, especially your children and work colleagues, because he or she becomes your priority. Remember that your family and friends deserve to share you in their lives. When you've lost all self-respect for who you are in the hope of keeping this manipulator happy, it's time to realize that you deserve to start feeling that you are worth it, and that what has happened to you owes much to having been exploited.
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Note your own blinkered vision towards this person. Because of your blinded love for them, everything this person does and says can risk becoming endearing to you, and you no longer perceive the faults. You neglect to take notice of their mental, emotional and perhaps even physical abuse.
- For example, if your partner has managed to brainwash you to believe everything they say, causing you to push aside your priorities such as your family, friends and work, then your personal life suffers a great deal. When they keep chiding and criticizing every move you make because it is not according to what they desire you to be, see this as a red flag.
- Note how often your partner shows loving care towards you. If they rarely compliment how you look but will carelessly say something along the lines of, "I would like to date someone else - how do you feel about that?", it's clear they aren't caring about you.
- Do they listen to you? When you confide in them about your problem such as a tough day/week at work, they refuse to listen to what you have to say, or even they do, manage to turn the focus back on themselves, on how hard their life has been.
- Is there abuse involved? If, when you decide not to give in to your partner with what they want, they will start yelling at you and calling you names. In some cases, this may escalate to physically abusing you. Do not let physical abuse occur. Once you have established the emotional and mental abuse, immediately seek the help needed to get out of the abusive relationship before you get hurt. You do not deserve the harm.
Because of your belief in this person and hope that the relationship might work, especially your "never ending love" for them, it is probable that you will do whatever it takes to make "sacrifices" for the relationship. In doing so, it is easy to become irrational and end up using all your funds from your retirement funds to your savings and everything else in between that they can convince you hand over.^{[4]XResearch source} Worst of all is when you borrow money from your friends and family to support their "idealism of a perfect relationship". Seek immediate professional help in the case of financial losses before it gets too late. Do not commit anything illegal which will jeopardize you entirely; such relationship is never worth it!
Until a manipulative partner gets what they want (whatever that will be), they may seek to take power over you. This can include limiting the sexual intimacy which a normal relationship requires. A manipulative partner controls that aspect of the relationship to ensure that they get what they want.
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Beware the constant mood swings.^{[5]XResearch source} Men and women have mood swings from time to time but this is infrequent and shouldn't be a constant occurrence. In the case of manipulative behavior, they are likely to change moods daily.
- Watch for change of plans. Say that you spend three days in a week with them. However, when you both made plans (usually they will make the plans), they will change it at the last moment. For example, they plan on going camping for the weekend and when the weekend comes along, your partner said they would rather you both go to the movies.
- Notice their feelings for you. One day they will express undying love for you and wants to be married (even though they repeatedly scoff at commitment) but the next day, they want to date other people. This is all said to hurt you.
- Notice the angelic behavior in public. In the presence of their family and friends, this person will be extremely charming and very loving towards you. Away from others, they will not show any affection at all and will repeatedly reinforce that you both are just friends.
- Watch for jealousy. It is a common factor in any relationship but is also a good sign of exploitative behavior.
These mood changes will be more apparent and escalated throughout the relationship when they do not get their own way - whatever it is that your partner wants at the time in their agenda.
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Tips

Every relationship has solutions to every problem. So, learn to keep open the lines of communication in your relationship; or, better yet, seek professional help for counseling for the two of you.^{[6]XResearch source}
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There are two sides to every story. You must own up to your own mistakes as well; however, not to an extent where your mind and soul are being manipulated.
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Be levelheaded, tactful and calm when trying to confront your partner to express your feelings to him or her.
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Warnings

Always have your cell phone and car keys close to you.
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Do not risk your own life.
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Advise your family and friends where you will be that day.
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When the situation gets tense, learn to calmly step back or walkaway from the source so you will not get hurt physically. However, if they get too volatile, try to remain calm and call for help.
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