This article was co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW and by How.com.vn staff writer, Jennifer Mueller, JD. Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.
There are 10 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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Defensiveness makes it hard to work with people and get things done because everything feels like a struggle. Everyone gets defensive sometimes, though, in response to what they perceive as a threat. If you understand why someone felt the need to put their guard up in the first place, you can correct your own behavior and communicate more effectively.[1] Here, we've collected a list of some things to look out for so you can identify defensive behavior in others and avoid engaging in it yourself.
Steps
Expert Q&A
Tips
- Reduce defensiveness by making the person feel secure and showing them that they are respected and valued.[20]Thanks
Warnings
- Avoid responding to defensive behavior by saying things like "Don't take it personally," or "Don't be so defensive." You'll only strengthen the person's belief that their defensiveness was appropriate.[21]Thanks
References
- ↑ https://focuspsychservices.com/images/PDF/Defensiveness.pdf
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wander-woman/201606/5-tips-easing-person-s-defensiveness
- ↑ https://nickwignall.com/defensiveness/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-cycles-fear-cycles/201805/why-do-people-get-so-defensive
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
- ↑ https://focuspsychservices.com/images/PDF/Defensiveness.pdf
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-cycles-fear-cycles/201805/why-do-people-get-so-defensive
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
- ↑ http://www.aecpe.com/Defensiveness%20Warning%20and%20Response.pdf
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2013/11/dont-get-defensive-communication-tips-for-the-vigilant
- ↑ https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/12/201201103610.htm
- ↑ https://nickwignall.com/defensiveness/
- ↑ https://focuspsychservices.com/images/PDF/Defensiveness.pdf
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/presence-mind/201902/defensiveness-enemy-growth-and-good-relationships
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/presence-mind/201902/defensiveness-enemy-growth-and-good-relationships
- ↑ https://focuspsychservices.com/images/PDF/Defensiveness.pdf
- ↑ http://www.aecpe.com/Defensiveness%20Warning%20and%20Response.pdf
- ↑ http://www.aecpe.com/Defensiveness%20Warning%20and%20Response.pdf
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201909/are-you-too-defensive-your-own-good-6-signs-you-are
- ↑ https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/12/201201103610.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wander-woman/201606/5-tips-easing-person-s-defensiveness
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