How to Help Your Daughter Gain Weight

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1Building Your Daughter's Body Image

2Improving Her Diet

3Encouraging Exercise

4Building a Healthy Parent-Child Relationship

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Girls are surrounded by pressure to be thin: from magazines, TV shows, peers, movies, books, and more. With all this noise, it can be difficult for a parent encourage their daughter to gain weight. Combatting media messages, building and supporting her body image, and encouraging a healthier lifestyle will not only help her gain weight, but also improve her overall health and help her feel better about her body.

Steps

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Building Your Daughter's Body Image

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   Talk to your daughter about the media. The world is filled with messages that girls should be skinny, small, and delicate-looking. Women and girls everywhere exhibit unhealthy eating patterns and body image issues. Discuss whether media portrayals are realistic or desirable, and help her identify examples of these messages.

   • Encourage her to think critically about media messages by questioning what the overall message is, and whether it was altered.
   • Explain that the "desirable" body shape for women (curvy with an hourglass figure) is not achievable for most people, and that health comes in many shapes and sizes.
   • When picking out books, movies, and magazines, choose media that shows women who are known for what they accomplished, rather than how they looked. Also look for ones that portray female characters of all shapes and sizes (e.g. She-Ra and Steven Universe).
   • You may want to limit or monitor her exposure to the media (such as by limiting TV, what websites she can access, or magazines she reads), particularly if she's still young.

   Tip: Start combatting media messages as early as possible. Studies have found that children as young as five are unhappy with how they look.
2. 
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   Discuss healthy lifestyle habits, not just weight. Often, when discussing health, too much emphasis is placed on weight. Combat this by explaining all of the various aspects of a healthy lifestyle—such as diet, exercise, sleeping habits, and good mental health—and how they all fit together in a healthy lifestyle.

   • Explain that "skinny" or "fat" on their own don't mean much about a person's health. Someone considered overweight might be quite healthy and live a healthy lifestyle, whereas somebody who's thin could be unhealthy or even sick.
   • Teach her how to express negative emotions in a healthy way, like by journaling or talking to a trusted adult or friend, and that it's okay to be frustrated, angry, sad, or to cry.
3. 
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   Help her feel confident in her body. If your daughter likes how she looks and feels, then she's more likely to treat her body well. Encouraging body confidence will help her be proud of her body, rather than ashamed of it or disgusted by it.

   • Encourage her to take care of herself by having good posture, bathing regularly, eating well, getting enough exercise, and sleeping enough.
   • When complimenting her looks, praise physical traits other than her shape or size. For example, you might say "Your hair looks good today" or "Your freckles are so pretty".
   • Buy her clothes that she likes and feels good while wearing.
   • While it may seem obvious, don't compare her to others or encourage her to diet or wear makeup. This will hurt her self-esteem.
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   Don't put too much focus on how she looks. While fostering body confidence is important, your daughter should know there's more to her than her appearance. Building her overall self-esteem and confidence is vital to her health and mental resilience. Here are some things you can do to encourage her self-esteem:

   • Praise her talents, personality attributes, successes, and accomplishments.
   • Support her efforts, even if she fails. If she does fail at something, put more emphasis on what she's learned and what she did accomplish, rather than the negatives.
   • Encourage her to try out activities she's interested in, and consider pointing her towards things that aren't focused on appearance.
   • Let her give her input on what she wants and make decisions for herself.
   • Ask your daughter what she likes about herself, and don't be afraid to tell her what you like about her as well!

   Tip: For every one compliment about her physical appearance, you should give at least two or three that are unrelated to how she looks.
5. 
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   Keep an open discussion about body changes. Growing taller or starting puberty can be a catalyst for weight worries, since your daughter may feel distressed by her body changing so quickly. Normalizing growth spurts, weight gain, and what to expect with puberty can help reduce her fear of weight gain, and help her be more comfortable with her body.

   • Explain that gaining weight is a normal part of growing up, especially when going through puberty.
   • Discuss puberty early, while she's still in elementary school. (Even if it seems early, some girls start puberty as early as eight years old.) If talking about it is too difficult, get her some books about puberty and find a trusted adult for her to discuss it with, such as a close relative.
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   Don't make fun of fat people. If your daughter sees you laughing at them, feeling disgusted by them, or treating them with pity, then she will learn that fat is something to be reviled and avoided. This will prevent her from having a healthy attitude towards her weight.

   • Avoid backhanded comments related to weight, like "She's beautiful, for a fat girl" or "This outfit would look great if I lost a few pounds".
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Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Improving Her Diet

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   Discuss any dietary concerns with her doctor. Before you made any dramatic changes to your daughter's diet, it's important to consult her doctor; they can help to determine the best way to raise your daughter's weight, and clarify any questions or potential concerns. They may also be able to recommend foods or drinks that can help her put on weight.

   • This is particularly important if she has issues with food, whether it's pickiness, allergies, or an eating disorder.

   Tip: If your daughter takes medication for anything, ask how this can affect her weight. Some medications, such as ADHD medication or antidepressants, can suppress appetite or cause weight loss. Her doctor will have tips to work around this.
2. 
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   Pick out nutritious foods. Good nutrition is the best way to get your daughter to gain weight. Despite its reputation for causing weight gain, junk food isn't a great choice for long-term weight gain and isn't good for the body. Aim for feeding her a balanced diet instead, with occasional treats.

   • Protein: Eggs, nuts, beans, meat, fish, and soy products contain lots of protein.
   • Fruits and vegetables: Having a multitude of fruits and vegetables is a good way to make sure your daughter has a balanced diet. (You may have heard it described as "eating a rainbow".) Fresh produce is the most common choice, but frozen and dried fruits and vegetables are worth integrating into her diet too.
   • Whole-grain foods: Choose whole-grain breads, pasta, quinoa, cereals, rice, and popcorn. Avoid white bread or other foods with refined grains, as these don't have as many nutrients.
   • Dairy products: Foods with milk, cheese, and yogurt provide calcium. (If your daughter can't or doesn't eat dairy, try alternatives made with soy or nuts.)
   • Try to limit foods like sweets, chips, and sodas; while they're good treats, they're devoid of nutrients and may leave your daughter feeling tired or sick.

   Tip: If you or your daughter are constantly on the go and don't have much time for cooking, keep grab-and-go foods on hand, like yogurt or string cheese. You might also try making lots of a dish earlier in the week and then storing the leftovers to be heated up later.
3. 
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   Make foods that your daughter likes. When people are given foods that they like, they tend to eat more. Think about all the foods she likes, and see if you can prepare them more frequently. Whether it's food for breakfast, lunch, dinner, or dessert, she'll appreciate it and likely eat more of it.

   • Offer to take her to the grocery store so she can help pick out foods she enjoys. You can even have her help you with cooking later - it can make mealtimes more enjoyable for her and is good parent-child time.
   • Try making the food itself fun. She might be entertained by things like faces on her sandwich, inventing silly names for foods, cutting her food into different shapes with cookie cutters, or eating colorful meals.
   • Avoid bribing her or using food as a reward (e.g. "You can have a banana if you help me unload the dishwasher"). While the intent is good and it can help her gain weight, it may cause problems in the long run, as she may start eating to reward herself even if she's not hungry.
4. 
   4
   Increase the fat and calories in meals. Adjusting what you buy and trying new spins on favorite recipes can help to encourage weight gain. Calorie count is particularly important for underweight girls. Here are some things you can do to raise calorie and fat intake:

   • Buy full-fat or reduced-fat foods, rather than fat-free. If you don't want other people eating this, then buy both versions.
   • Add toppings to other foods (e.g. sour cream or cheese on baked potatoes, meat or fish to salads, peanut butter or yogurt on pancakes, or dips with snacks) to increase calorie intake.
   • Offer higher-calorie foods and drinks, like smoothies, or hummus with crackers or vegetables.
5. 
   5
   Encourage her to eat more frequently. Getting your daughter to eat more often will help her put on more weight. While you shouldn't push the issue if she's not hungry, she might just need a bit of prompting to eat more food, particularly if she's shy about asking.

   • When she finishes meals, ask her if she's still hungry. If she is, ask if she wants seconds (or, if there's none left, a snack).
   • Keep food easily accessible outside of mealtimes, and have plenty of ready-made snacks, like fruit, string cheese, or crackers. This can encourage your daughter to eat more often. However, try to discourage continuously grazing on food through the day, so that she's still hungry for meals.
   • Some people gain more weight when eating several smaller meals throughout the day, rather than three big ones.
   • While you might be tempted to let your daughter eat while she does homework or watches TV, it's not recommended - this can result in overeating due to the distraction. If you choose to let her eat while working, give her a set amount of food (e.g. five strawberries, or one small bowl of popcorn) so that she doesn't overeat and feel sick.
6. 
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   Steer clear of forcing her to eat. Even if you want her to gain weight, it's important to respect when she's full or doesn't like something. Pushing her to eat can actually make her less likely to want to eat, since she'll come to associate certain foods (or even mealtime in general) with unpleasant experiences. Don't set rules about how much she has to eat, bribe her, or shame her into eating.
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Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Encouraging Exercise

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   Use exercise as a bonding opportunity. Offer to do something together, and during that time, listen to her and invite her to share her thoughts with you. Many preteens and teenagers want to be understood, so she'll love having the opportunity to help you understand her. Here are some things you can do together:

   • Go for a walk
   • Bike
   • Hike on a trail
   • Toss around a football, or pitch a baseball for her to hit

   Tip: If you have a dog, have her go with you when you take the dog for a walk.
2. 
   2
   Encourage her to exercise with siblings, if she has any. Playtime and exercise with siblings is a good bonding opportunity. Even simple activities, like tossing a frisbee back and forth or riding bikes together, can be fun to them!

   • If she has younger siblings, you might ask her to take them out to the park or go for a walk with them. Try offering her some money or a favor (e.g. taking over one of her chores for a day) in return for the babysitting.
   • If she has older siblings or a sibling around her own age, you might suggest they play at a nearby park, go for a walk, or spend time at a public place that will get them moving (such as an ice skating rink).
3. 
   3
   Provide tools and activities for exercise. Keeping exercise equipment around is a good way to get your daughter moving. Try to choose a variety of objects so that she can exercise both outdoors and indoors (like when it's storming).

   • Keep a variety of fun exercise equipment, such as sports balls, hula hoops, jump ropes, or even a trampoline.
   • If you have a backyard, try setting up tools for sports, like basketball hoops, soccer nets, or volleyball nets.
   • Scooters, rollerblades, skateboards, and bicycles are good tools to get her outdoors and on the move. (If she doesn't know how to ride a bike, teaching her is a good bonding opportunity.)
4. 
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   Offer to help her get involved in sports or exercise-related activities. Ask if she'd like to join her school's volleyball or basketball team. Even if she doesn't like sports, she might still be interested in dance, yoga, or gymnastics.

   • During the summer, look into classes and activities offered by her school or a nearby recreational center. They may have something she's interested in.
   • Don't push her to sign up for something. She may resent the pressure, and want to quit as soon as possible.
   • Gymnastics and dance, while healthy, sometimes come with a strong cultural pressure to be skinny and lose weight. If she signs up for them, talk to her about that pressure, and make sure she has a strong support network.
   • Girls who participate in team sports have been found to have higher self-esteem than girls who don't.
5. 
   5
   Make exercise a social activity. Set aside time each day or week to go outdoors with your daughter, and encourage her to engage in casual sports with her siblings or friends. This can be much more fun than exercising alone.

   • Offer to drop her and her friends off at the pool, roller skating rink, downtown shopping area, or mall (which involves quite a bit of walking).
   • Preteens and teens might prefer to spend time with friends rather than family, so don't be afraid to encourage her to make plans with her friends.
6. 
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   Be a good role model. As a parent, you teach not only by words, but by example. Incorporate exercise into your life. For example, if you go to the driveway and shoot hoops whenever you need to blow off steam, your daughter might notice and start doing the same thing.

   • Teach her that the goal of exercise is to have fun and stay healthy, rather than to lose weight.
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Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Building a Healthy Parent-Child Relationship

1. 
   1
   Love your body. Don't go on fad diets—live a healthy lifestyle without shaming yourself. Teach her that the goal of eating and exercise is health and feeling good, not weighing less. When you love yourself, you teach her to do the same.

   • Don't express worries about your weight in front of your daughter, or shame yourself for your eating or exercise habits. If you do, she'll start doing this, too.
   • Focus on what your body can do, not what it looks like or how much it weighs. Encourage her to do the same.
2. 
   2
   Avoid remarking on your daughter's weight or eating habits. Even if you think you're saying something positive, it's likely to make her feel more self-conscious, or start self-monitoring more carefully. Only talk to her about it if she brings it up, and if then, be honest and supportive. For example...

   • "I hear you. What are your ideas for how to reach a healthy weight?"
   • "Yes, I think it might be a good idea for you to gain some weight. I think you're cute the way you are, but it's good to have some extra body fat as insurance in case you ever get sick and your weight drops."
   • "I went through the same thing. I didn't really like how my body looked. It's not unusual and I understand how you feel."
   • "Sweetie, I think you're beautiful, and it surprises me to hear you ask if you look fat. Why are you asking this?"
3. 
   3
   Listen to your daughter—not only about her weight, but about everything. Listen to her, respect her, and make her feel like she matters to you. Be supportive, and offer advice when asked, but let her make her own decisions. She will come to trust you with her problems, so she'll talk to you if she thinks something is wrong.
4. 
   4
   Check up with her on the psychological front. How is she feeling? What problems is she struggling with? Sometimes, people lose weight or display unhealthy eating patterns if they're feeling stressed about something or if they have a mental illness. This is one reason why communicating with her is so important.
5. 
   5
   Don't push her to gain weight. Taking control of your daughter's life, or constantly pushing ideas at her, will only make her resent the pressure. Let her come to the idea on her own, and recognize that you can't control what she does with her body. Support her, respect her, and let her come to a decision in her own time.

   • Things like forcing her or bribing her to eat will cause power struggles around food, and increase her risk of developing an eating disorder.
   • Body satisfaction is an important component in health; if people feel badly about their bodies, they are less likely to take good care of them. Pushing her to gain weight won't help.
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   Take her to a doctor if she is is severely underweight, or if she has been restricting her diet. Mild intervention only works if her life and health are not at risk. If her behavior towards weight gain is becoming extreme or food is becoming a regular battle, professional help is necessary. Contact a doctor if she...

   • Is being secretive about her eating
   • Often disappears into the bathroom after eating
   • Plays with her food and doesn't eat much of it, won't eat in front of others, or practices strange eating rituals
   • Exercises excessively
   • Only eats a small selection of foods
   • Weighs herself frequently
   • Obsesses over her appearance
   • Feels cold, lightheaded, or sore often
   • Is missing periods (if she gets them)
   • Expresses concern about her weight and/or symptoms, and asks to see a doctor
   • Chewing up food and spitting it out
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Tips

• BMI is considered a flawed measuring system, since it doesn't account for things like exercise habits and overall bone and muscle density, which can result in an athletic person of a healthy weight having a BMI of overweight or obese. Look at her eating habits, exercise habits and sleep routines, rather than simply relying on BMI.
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• Consider introducing her to body-positive social movements, such as feminism and fat acceptance, that have encouraged discussion about health, weight, and media standards of beauty.
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Warnings

• Don't dismiss signs of an eating disorder just because your daughter isn't underweight. People who are at a healthy weight, overweight, or obese can also develop eating disorders, and their health is still at immediate risk.
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