How to Have a Good Experience As a Nerd

Life can be challenging for nerds. You're probably shy or introverted, you doubt the popular crowd is ever going to look your way, and your interests and pastimes are a bit different. But that doesn't mean being a nerd has to be bad. Embracing who you are and reaching out to others can help you find a happy life.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Gaining Confidence

1
Recognize that being a nerd can be fun. Nerds are renowned for their weirdness, because they live life like it's entirely their own. By just being yourself and embracing your quirks, you're already being weird. Remind yourself about what your good traits are: maybe you're good at math, you love animals, you have a strong sense of humor, or you're a good listener when people need you. It isn't arrogant to think good things about yourself—give it a try!
2
Own your nerdiness. Being authentic will help you feel good about yourself. People are more likely to respect you when they see you respecting and accepting yourself. Tell yourself that you are going to rock your nerd status.
3
Don't conceal your hobbies. If it comes up in conversation that yes, you know the name of episode 23 of Star Trek TNG, or that all the fabric and supplies you're carrying are for your next cosplay/LARP outfit, that's okay! People may think these things are weird, but not nearly as much as they will if you start stammering excuses.
- Be positive. Acting defensive or secretive can make things uncomfortable. Just smile and say something like, "Yeah, I love comics! My sister introduced me to them when I was little and I've enjoyed them ever since."
- Keep it brief unless they show interest. Most people don't enjoy it when someone launches into a monologue about something that doesn't interest them. Keep it to a sentence or two, then pause. Let the person either ask a question about your interest or move on to a different topic.
4
Be able to laugh about your nerdiness. Having the self-awareness and confidence to acknowledge your nerdiness helps diffuse uncomfortable situations. Acknowledging that you're often weird, instead of trying to hide it, can help make people feel more comfortable around you.
5
Spend time with things you love. Your interests and skills are important, and they are certainly nothing to be ashamed of. It's okay to spend a Friday night playing with parametric curves or watching Star Trek. Time for yourself is time well spent.
6
Work hard in school or work. Nerds are always improving their skills and knowledge. Study up on things, ask questions, and put in the work. Build your research skills and ask for help when you need it.
- Insecure nerds want to feel like they already know everything. This inhibits growth. Mature nerds acknowledge what they don't know and are curious to learn about it.
- Don't be afraid to ask peers for help when you need it. They may have surprising insights and show you new ways to think about things. A nerd who asks questions and collaborates is much more successful than a nerd who struggles in silence.
7
Dress well and look your best. This helps you feel good about yourself and shows self-respect. Your style might be preppy, indie, hipster, geeky, or something else—what matters is that it helps you feel comfortable and confident. Take good care of your personal hygiene and stand up a little straighter. Then give yourself a smile in the mirror. You'll look (and feel!) better than before.
- Look and smell clean. Wear clean clothes, bathe regularly, and find a deodorant that works for you. Practice good skincare and try out acne soaps or facial wipes to help clear your skin.
- Keep your hair neat. Wash it well, brush or comb it, and keep it well-groomed. Whether you've got cornrows, a simple ponytail, or a buzz cut, what matters is that you take good care of it.
8
Don't worry too much about what others think. You're living your life for you, not for other people's opinions of you. Relax a bit. Nobody is thinking as deeply about you as you are.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Handling Haters

1
Deflect bullies if they target you. Mean people are the worst, and it can be hard hearing their cruel comments. It helps to have a strategy chosen beforehand, so you can feel prepared when they come at you. Here are some things to try to frustrate a bully.
- Confusing kindness: Act like you've just been complimented; smile and say "thank you!" when they say mean things. Give them a kind word like "I like your shirt today."
- Acknowledge the attention: Say "It makes me feel special that you spend so much time talking to and thinking about me" or "You clearly care a lot about me. If you want to hang out, just ask." A few rounds of this embarrasses some bullies into behaving better or leaving you alone.
- Broken record: Prepare a script like "Now's not a good time to talk" or "I'm okay, you're mean." Keep repeating it each time a bully needles you.
- Noisy room: Pretend not to hear them. Keep saying "I'm sorry, I can't hear you" and "Could you say that again?" Reference the noise level in the room for added effect.
2
Don't insult them back. Take a deep breath and pause before responding. The bully might think that you're backing down, and they will de-escalate and realize they aren't getting a rise out of you like they wanted. (If they get bored and leave, you won.)
- Hurling insults right back will only escalate the situation. They will get worse, and you might even get in trouble for it.
3
Talk to someone after the incident. Try someone you trust: a family member, a friend, a mentor, or anyone who is a good listener. They can support you and help you work out a plan to deal with it.
- It's often a good idea to tell an authority figure. This isn't tattling—this is getting help with a serious situation. You have the right to go to school, work, etc. without getting picked on.
- Keeping a log can also help. Write down what happened, how you responded, and what happened when you asked for help. A paper trail can help you later on.
4
Distance yourself from toxic nerds. There are rude people both inside and outside of nerd culture. Toxic nerds look down on people who are less nerdy or less intelligent than they are. They may feel spiteful and want to prove themselves superior. These bad influences can drag down your mood and encourage you to treat others badly. You can recognize a toxic nerd when they:
- Gatekeep nerd culture. These people are unfriendly to beginners and may quiz them to "prove" they don't belong. Feeling superior is more important than enjoying nerdy things or making new friends.
- Say negative things about non-nerds. They may hate on jocks, people who listen to pop music, or people who have different interests than they do. They act like nerds are superior instead of recognizing that different groups are equally valid.
- Look down on people who aren't smart. Not everyone is gifted with a quick brain. Toxic nerds lord their intellectual skills over others. They make fun of others for being less smart or knowledgeable.
- Act excessively jealous or spiteful. Many nerds have struggled, and some use those struggles as fuel to hate on other people. They may blame large groups of people (e.g. all jocks or all women) for their social difficulties.
- Hate on women, people of color, or other groups. Some people believe that nerd culture is for white men only. They may ostracize or bully people who try to join them.
5
Be a nice person yourself. Haters attract haters, so be friendly, easygoing, polite, and helpful with people who are different than you. A nerd might be intellectual, but that doesn't mean looking down on others who have different passions or a lower IQ.
- Being a good friend is more important than being the smartest in the room. Treat everyone as an equal, regardless of how you perceive their intelligence. "Smart" comes in different forms; you can be proud of your nerdiness while still respecting your friends' unique talents.
- Recognize that it's good to have non-intellectual interests, like music, stand-up comedy, makeup, or surfing. People who like these aren't lesser, just different.
- Be open to making nerdy and non-nerdy friends. Don't gatekeep.
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Reaching Out

1
Realize that many people are into one aspect of nerdiness or another. That jock sitting at the back of the room might enjoy Star Wars, lots of people are into the more mainstream anime, and pretty much all people play video games these days.
- Be open to making non-nerdy friends. Great people exist both inside and outside of nerd culture.
- Even if someone doesn't have "nerdy" interests, they may have other things in common with you. After all, nerdiness is part of you, but there are many parts of you.
2
Be good to everyone. Life becomes easier when you are kind. Cultivate compassion towards others, and they will be kind in return. Try doing random acts of kindness, becoming a good listener, and validating people's feelings. You will gain friends, and acquaintances will smile when they think of you.
- Bullies do exist, and even when you are nice, it is still possible they will target you. However, people will remember you're a good person, and they're a lot more likely to help you out.
3
Try getting a nerdy romantic partner (if you're looking for one). Nerds often find love with other nerds, because it is easier to relate to each other. If you both feel shy and awkward, it's not as much of a worry, and soon that feeling will disappear as you debate Trek vs. Wars.
- Try looking for bookish people near the fringes of social areas. Shy people might have a lot to say once you get to know them.
- It's okay to brush up on your flirting skills if you're nervous. When in doubt, just laugh and say "I'm a little nervous." That can break the tension.
- Don't delay asking someone out for weeks and weeks. If people discover you've been hiding your true feelings from them for a long time, they may feel deceived. It's better to ask someone out early and discover your feelings together.
4
Befriend fellow nerds and share your passions with them. If you're often shy or asocial, you're not alone, because lots of nerds are! You just need to push yourself to be a bit more social, and go to the right places. There are lots of clubs and societies devoted to people with nerdy interests, especially once you get to college or university. Look for both in-person and online friends.
- If you're into tabletop gaming, ask people at a local store if they know of any groups.
- Get involved with some nerd forums and fan groups online.
- Try out some different channels on IRC.
- Look for geek websites like Soul Geek and OtakuBooty.
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Tips

Use your talents to help people with things they have trouble with.
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While it's good to try and be social, don't push yourself to do anything you're uncomfortable with.
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Make nerdy jokes with your friends (i.e. I r=3-3sin(theta) math!)
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Warnings

If people think that you are full of yourself, watch how you act. Evaluate your attitude towards other people. It may also mean that you're using too many long words that your peers don't know. Even if it's not on purpose, that can make people feel like you're trying to make them feel "less than."
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