How to Have Great People Skills

Some people are naturally jovial and great at interacting naturally with others, and these people often have great people skills. If you feel like you can improve your interactions with others, practice a few skills. When building your people skills, focus on increasing both verbal and nonverbal abilities. Be friendly to the people in your life and learn to make friends easily.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Having Great Verbal Skills

1
Ask questions. Part of communicating effectively is asking great questions. A good question typically is an open-ended question that a person can respond to in a variety of ways. Questions can also provide clarification for something that is unclear. Asking questions shows that you are interested in furthering a discussion.^{[1]XResearch source}
- Some good open-ended questions at work include, “What can we do to improve?” and, “What changes would you like to see?”
- If you want to ask personal questions, ask, “What activities do you enjoy?” and, “What was it like when you hiked the trail?”
2
Assert yourself. If you have something to say, say it. Don’t guess about how people will react or question if what you have to say is valuable. If you have a want or a need, make sure you can express it in a meaningful way. If you’re trying to express it in a subtle way and it’s not received, you need to be more overt, even if it feels uncomfortable. Recognize that your opinions, thoughts, and feelings are worthwhile and can be shared.^{[2]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source}
- For example, if you’re talking to a very chatty person, say, “I’d like to say something now.” If you’re in a meeting, say, “I have something to contribute to our discussion.”
- Being assertive also means knowing when to say “No.” If someone asks you to do something you just don’t have time for, don’t feel obligated to oblige. Say, “I can’t fit that in today, I’m sorry.”
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3
Ask for feedback. If you know someone who you consider to have great people skills, ask them for advice. Ask for ways to improve how you interact with other people. You can also look to them for what they do right in social situations. Notice what characteristics you admire about them, then try to replicate them in your own social interactions.
- Observe how they treat people, the way they listen or validate others. You can also pay attention to how they speak and use their voice and words to make people feel comfortable.
- For example, they may appear open and jovial when they introduce themselves to new people. Take on a similar persona and see how people respond to you.
4
Meet new people. Learn how to make friends easily. Put yourself in situations where you can meet lots of people and build friendships. Join groups, clubs, and sports teams. Attend activities at your school or workplace intended to foster relationships like lunches or conferences. These will give you opportunities to meet other people and instantly give you something to talk about in having a shared experience. Continue to talk once the activity ends by exchanging phone numbers or email addresses.^{[3]XResearch source}
- Do activities that put you in contact with others, like taking your dog to the dog park.
- Invite people to spend time with you. For example, say, “Would you like to go to lunch?” You can also invite people to the movies or other activities. This shows you want to spend time with them.
5
Handle conflicts. Conflicts are inevitable, yet the way you handle them can show people a lot about you. Aim to resolve conflicts peacefully, especially in the workplace. If you sense that something may become a conflict, resolve it quickly without causing offense. Don’t avoid the conflict and instead, seek to resolve it collaboratively. Listen and respond to the person, even when you disagree. Then, seek to create a mutually agreeable solution.^{[4]XResearch source}
- Show people that you can handle conflicts maturely by listening, not raising your voice, and wanting to find solutions.
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Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Communicating Nonverbally

1
Move past your nervousness. If you’re nervous or stressed, manage these emotions. Take a moment to collect your thoughts or take a few deep breaths. Do things that help you feel calm. If you need a moment to think, ask for a question to be repeated or ask for clarification.^{[5]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source}
- Go into a situation feeling relaxed, not nervous. Do some calming exercises like meditation or yoga beforehand.
2
Make eye contact. Eye contact is a great way to connect with other people. It signifies who you are speaking to and shows the other person you are listening when they are speaking. However, don’t stare somebody down. It’s appropriate to make eye contact and look away occasionally.
- Try to keep your eye contact the same as the person you are speaking to. For example, someone who shies away from eye contact may feel uncomfortable if you make constant eye contact with them.
3
Use body language. People may be able to get an idea of who you are and what you’re about to do even before you open your mouth. This is because even the way you sit or stand is communicating something to other people. When you work on your body language, consider things like posture, gaze, gestures, and body position. For example, if your arms and legs are crossed, people might assume you are closed off or not engaged.^{[6]XResearch source}
- When interacting with people, lean in when they speak to show you are listening. Turn your body toward them and communicate openness by keeping your body open.
- The phrase “Fake it ‘til you make it” rings true for body language. If you’re feeling nervous before an interview or a date, use your body to display confidence. Keep your head up and shoulders back.^{[7]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source}
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Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Being Responsive to Others

1
Become a great listener. People appreciate it when they feel understood and enjoy when other people are listening to them. Show your listening skills by showing interest in what the person is saying. Avoid interrupting them and wait until they have finished speaking to say something.^{[8]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source}
- Focus your attention on really listening when the other person speaks. Don't try to think of what you will say in response.
- Favor your right ear when someone is talking. The right ear is connected to the left side of the brain, which can help to discriminate emotional and social nuances.
2
Focus on the other person. Many people are concerned about what they’re going to say or how they will say it. Instead of putting the focus on yourself during the conversation, show an interest in the person you are talking to. Nod your head, smile, and make appropriate facial expressions to what they’re saying.^{[9]XResearch source}
- One way to do this is by reflecting what they say to convey understanding. For example, you can say, “I hear you saying that you’re frustrated with what’s expected of you.”
3
Tune into other people’s body language. Listen for the unsaid things going on in interactions. For example, most people notice when a meeting feels tense, even if nobody is raising their voice. Learn to hone your observational skills and gain clues as to how other people are feeling. Notice if someone is feeling left out, then include them in a discussion. If someone looks nervous, help them feel calm and at ease.^{[10]XResearch source}
- When you tune in to how another person feels, you can better respond to them. The other person may also feel validated and know that you care.
4
Be open to unexpected conversations. Maybe your boss pulls you aside or an attractive person comes up to flirt with you. If a conversation comes up that you’re not prepared for, be calm. Let the conversation unfold naturally and don’t think too much about what to say.^{[11]XResearch source}
- If you’re caught off guard, say so. For example, say, “I wasn’t prepared for this meeting so I don’t have that information with me right now. I’d be happy to get it for you within the hour.”
5
Learn from mistakes. If you make a social blunder, learn from it. Perhaps you spoke too loudly or interrupted someone in the middle of something important. To improve your social skills, learn from your mistakes and don’t repeat them. If you have a bad interaction with someone, come up with solutions to improve it for next time. For example, if you lost your temper, find ways to stay calm (like deep breathing) when you speak to them.
- If you feel embarrassed by a mistake you made, remember that it will likely be forgotten. The important thing is to not make it again.
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Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Showing Friendliness and Warmth

1
Bring humor to a situation. Especially if things are becoming tense, crack a joke or say something funny to ease the tension. Humor is a great way to make people feel comfortable if others are feeling nervous or tense. Whether you’re meeting somebody for the first time or are in the midst of an intense meeting, humor can help.^{[12]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source}
- Say a joke or comment on something that’s relevant yet humorous.
- People will begin to feel comfortable around you because you tend to lighten the mood.
2
Be warm to everyone. Greet people with friendly, “Hello!” and stop to chitchat with people you see regularly. This is especially useful at a workplace or office. Even if you are not friends with people, show them that you are friendly and warm. If you have nothing to say, give a compliment or make small talk about the weather or television shows.^{[13]XResearch source}
- Even if you don’t like someone, it doesn’t hurt to say a friendly, “Hello” or, “How are you doing?”
3
Work well with a team. Be the person people want to work with when joined on a team. Be able to explain your ideas and express your feelings in a way that others won’t feel threatened. Show respect for other people and their ideas, even if you disagree with them. Make sure that all people feel included and valued in the work.^{[14]XResearch source}
- Show good leadership, yet don’t dominate the group. Make sure everyone has a place and can participate in the process.
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Expert Q&A

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How do I know my skills?
Maureen Taylor
Communications Coach
Maureen Taylor is the CEO and Founder of SNP Communications, a leadership communications company based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She has been helping leaders, founders, and innovators in all sectors hone their messaging and delivery for almost 30 years, and has worked with leaders and teams at Google, Facebook, Airbnb, SAP, Salesforce, and Spotify.
Maureen Taylor
Communications Coach
Expert Answer
Think about your strengths or your point of view. If you're funny, tell a joke. If you're great at telling stories, tell a narrative. Above all, grow into whoever you are, not who you want to be.
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How do I express my people skills as a strength in an interview
Community Answer
Have concrete examples from past experiences and demonstrate your people skills during the interview. Be polite and confident when talking with interviewers; greet them, make eye contact, etc. Throughout the interview, bring up past examples to further support your people skills listed on your resume. "People skills", however, is a pretty vague term; try to be more specific about exactly what you want to showcase. Some examples are: ability to work with a diverse team, to handle interpersonal conflict well, communicating well, etc. These will all be clearly recognized as a strength by an interviewer.
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