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This article was co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
There are 13 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 59,158 times.
Have you ever been in a situation when you want to hang out with a bunch of girl friends, but you are the only guy? You want to say yes, but you are afraid you’ll feel awkward or like a third wheel. Well, that doesn’t necessarily have to be the case. You can enjoy spending time with your girl friends if you follow their lead when making plans, at least early on in the friendship. Smiling and showing off your sense of humor will also break the ice. When you do hang out, remind yourself to relax and you will have a great time in the process!
Steps
Enjoy yourself and show it. While it might make you a bit uncomfortable initially, this is a great opportunity for you to spend time with a diverse group of friends, so embrace it! You will probably hear and see things that you never would with a group of guys. Let others in the group know that you having fun by smiling, laughing, and just being in a good mood overall.[1]- Keep your smiles sincere, but try to smile as often as you can. It draws other people to you and they can’t resist smiling as well. You will be known as a person who elevates the mood of the whole group.[2]
- You may feel closer to one or two of the girls but, when you are in a group, try to interact with everyone. If you spend all of your time smiling at one specific girl, then the others may get the impression that you are romantically interested in her, which could create awkwardness.
Show off your sense of humor. Laugh at others' jokes and maybe even tell a few yourself. Find humor in goofy situations or in what other people say. Just keep your humor light and most people will appreciate it. You might suggest hanging out in ways that provide opportunities for laughs, such as seeing a comedy movie.- Laughter also breaks the ice in tense situations and lowers stress overall. As you laugh your blood pressure drops (in a good way) and your circulation improves as well.[3]
- Make sure that you are laughing with the group, not at a particular person. No one likes a bully.
- Tailor your humor to the group. The same jokes that you use around your guy friends may be okay with this group or they may offend. Tread carefully here and avoid jokes that are crude, etc., until you can gauge the reaction that you’ll get.
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Be yourself. It may be tempting to take on a “macho” persona when surrounded by a bunch of girls, but resist this impulse. Likewise, don’t feel as if you need to mimic their behaviors or act “girly” to fit in. Show off your true personality and that will be enough to make them like you.
Demonstrate that you are a confident person. Don’t be or act fake. Be exactly who you are when hanging out with these girls. They want to get to know you or they would not have bothered to hang out with you. Do them, and yourself, the favor of being honest about your accomplishments.[4]- Part of being confident is not putting yourself down. When talking with the girls try not to say things like, “I’m so stupid,” or, “I’m no good at this.” Instead, asking for help when you need it will solidify your friendships.[5]
Make sure that your appearance fits the activity. If you hang out at a place that requires a dressier outfit, ask your girl friends what they would suggest you wear. There is a good possibility that they will consult with each other prior to going, so it’s okay if you do the same. Tailoring your appearance to the rest of the group shows that you respect your time with them.- If you aren’t comfortable asking your friends directly, you can always go online for fashion advice.[6]
Actively listen to what they are saying. Many times the single best thing you can do for someone is to listen to them. Whenever one of your girl friends talks, turn toward them and make eye contact. Let them finish speaking before you start what you have to say.[7]- If you have questions, ask them. Open-ended questions are the best. You might say, “That sounds like a really fun night. What part did you enjoy the most?”
- It also helps to provide feedback and cues to continue. Nod your head or say, “Yes,” as they are speaking. If you disagree, resist the urge to interrupt and wait until they’ve finished.
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Stick to neutral topics at first. If you know the group well, then you can jump into more controversial discussions. If you are new to this group of friends, then you want to proceed carefully. Try to focus your conversation on common ground areas, such as education, entertainment, travel, etc. Avoid talking about politics, religion, and other hot-button subjects, at least early on in the friendship. Keep it light.[8]- The girls may be the ones to introduce topics that you are not entirely comfortable with. If, for example, they start to talk about women’s health issues you may want to use humor to change the subject or give you an excuse to step away. However, if you feel comfortable just listening and your presence doesn’t seem to bother the others, you can always do that as well.
Do something else if the location is uncomfortable for you. The group of girl friends that you are hanging out with might go to a place where you don’t want to, or can’t, follow. If this is the case and you feel like waiting, try to find something else to pass the time. Or, if you feel like leaving entirely, that’s fine too, just don’t make a big deal out of it.- For example, if you are hanging out and the girls decide to all head to the ladies room together, then your best option is probably just to wait it out. Go take your own restroom break, walk around the area, or play on your phone to pass the time.
- If the girls decide to spend a longer time in a setting that may be uncomfortable (or just really boring) for you, like a women’s clothing store, then you may need to consider calling it a day. You might say, “If you all want to go in there, no problem. I’ll just catch up with you later.”
Act like a peer, not a big brother. Your friends want a friend, not a mentor, a watchdog, or a sibling. Watch your tone to make sure that you don’t sound condescending or overprotective. For example, don’t pry too far into their dating lives without being invited to do so. Also, if you are older than your girl friends, try not to remind them of this too often. Instead, look for common ground.- If your girl friends tell you about a problem that they are having your first instinct may be to jump in and offer a variety of solutions. You might even try to solve the problem yourself. Avoid doing this unless they tell you that you can. It can come off as pushy and overprotective. Instead, listen to them and offer empathy.[9]
Stay platonic. Be very careful pursuing a romance with one of your girl friends while hanging out with other girls as well. Showing more attention to one girl or flirting can create an awkward situation for the whole group. If you are romantically interested in one of your girl friends, act out your feelings when you are one-on-one with her.- On a related note, if one of your girl friends tries to flirt with you and you are not interested, try to be gentle but firm in letting her know. You might say, “I really enjoy hanging out with you and the group, but that’s all I’m interested in right now.”
Calm yourself down before going out. If you are nervous or anxious about being the “odd man out,” then try some relaxation techniques before hanging out. Take a few deep breaths, massage the area between your thumb and forefinger (it is a pressure point), or turn on some relaxing music. Remind yourself that they are your friends, so there really is no reason to be concerned.[10]
Talk to your friends for advice beforehand. If you have friends who also hang out with these girls, then see if you can find out any extra information about them. Maybe you will discover that one of them really likes music, but can’t stand talking politics. Or, perhaps one of them might be interested in you romantically. These are good things to find out before hanging out, if you can.- You need to be careful about this and only approach trusted friends for advice or information. You might say, “I’m hanging out with Claire and Amy on Thursday. Do you know anything about them?”
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Let them contact you. If you are pretty sure that you will be only guy hanging out with this group, wait for them to reach out to you. It is quite possible that these girls have already spent time together and by waiting you are showing them that you can go with the flow. When they do call or text, try to be flexible with your schedule, at least for the first few times you hang out.- You can always ask them if you are the only guy coming to hang out, but this might draw attention to you and make them uncomfortable. Instead, you can always plan on inviting other guys out with the group, if you want, at a later date.
Do what they want to do. You may be different from them, but you are still a part of their group now. If they suggest going to the movies, go along with it. You can always mention that you’d like to drop by the football game afterwards. This will show that you are laid back and flexible, not controlling.- Allowing them to take the lead will also expose you to new and different activities, which will keep your interest in the friendship.[11]
Offer suggestions once you know what they like to do. Once you get more comfortable with these girls, you can start to push for outings that are of particular interest to you. Throw your ideas out there and hopefully one or more of the girls will agree to go along.- For example, when texting to make plans you might write, “Hitting up the park sounds fun, but I was really hoping we could go to this pool party instead. It’s really hot right now.” Active suggestions are also good because they benefit everyone’s health and boost positive emotions.[12]
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Expert Q&A
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- QuestionWhat's the best way for me to fit in with a group of girl friends when I'm the only guy, and how should I act to make it a good experience for everyone?
Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCCMoshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
Professional TherapistWatch the group dynamics and ask openly for pointers on fitting in better. Each group is unique, so stay flexible. Exude respect, kindness, gentleness and compassion — classic leadership traits that draw people in. If you're unsure how to participate, take initiative by suggesting fun activities or hosting. But above all, be your authentic self and add value. The key is contributing positively, not trying to be someone you're not. - QuestionWould it be okay to go to the movies and/or a sit down restaurant with a group of girl friends knowing I'd be the only guy there?
Community AnswerYes. If you are friends with the girls and they want you to be there it would be perfectly fine. - QuestionWould it be okay for a guy to host a "girls night" at his home?
Community AnswerSure, as long as the girls involved are comfortable with that, it should be fine.
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Tips
- Keep your body language open and friendly too. Don’t cross your arms over your chest and slouch as it warns people off.Thanks
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Warnings
- As you are the only guy, you may be pressured to participate in activities that you feel are risky or dangerous. If that is the case, don’t give in to peer pressure. You can find other friends that value you more.[13]Thanks
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about relationships, check out our in-depth interview with Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC.
References
- ↑ https://www.fastcompany.com/3034602/5-reasons-to-hang-out-with-people-that-are-different-from-us
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201206/there-s-magic-in-your-smile
- ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-relief/art-20044456
- ↑ http://www.teenink.com/hot_topics/what_matters/article/363771/Twelve-Things-Guys-Should-Know-About-Girls/
- ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/body-image.html
- ↑ https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/10-basic-rules-of-dressing-up-for-young-men/
- ↑ http://www.forbes.com/sites/womensmedia/2012/11/09/10-steps-to-effective-listening/#68f515b426fb
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chris-colin/conversation-starters_b_5227200.html
- ↑ http://www.forbes.com/sites/womensmedia/2012/11/09/10-steps-to-effective-listening/#68f515b426fb
About This Article
Professional Therapist
This article was co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF). This article has been viewed 59,158 times.
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Co-authors: 8
Updated: January 17, 2024
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Categories: Friends
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