How to Handle a Child's Meltdown at the Store

Meltdowns and tantrums are common and inevitable experiences for toddlers and youngsters. The important thing is that you know how to respond and defuse the situation when one occurs. When responding to a meltdown at the store, remember to remain calm and do not give in to your child’s demands. Instead, divert their attention or take them to a quiet area away from people where they can calm down and recover their emotions. To prevent meltdowns in the future, understand what triggers your child’s tantrums. If a situation is unavoidable, prepare your child for the situation by explaining what you will be doing and how they will be rewarded for good behavior.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Responding to the Meltdown

1
Remain calm. When your child begins to have a meltdown, remember to remain calm. Do not respond to your child’s tantrum by yelling, screaming, spanking, and becoming angry with them.^{[1]XExpert SourceWits End Parenting
Parenting SpecialistsExpert Interview. 5 March 2020.} Instead, take a few deep breaths and talk to your child in a calm voice.^{[2]XResearch source}
- In a calm, soothing voice tell your child, “Once you calm down, we can talk and figure out what is wrong.”
- Don’t try to reason with your child while they are having the tantrum. You want to teach your child that negotiations and compromises happen when they are calm and in control of their emotions.^{[3]XTrustworthy SourceChild Mind InstituteNonprofit organization providing evidence-based care for children with mental health and learning disorders and their familiesGo to source}
2
Don’t give in to unreasonable demands. If the kid is demanding a treat or gift, don't give in. By doing this, you risk reinforcing inappropriate behavior. You do not want to do this, so stand your ground.^{[4]XTrustworthy SourceChild Mind InstituteNonprofit organization providing evidence-based care for children with mental health and learning disorders and their familiesGo to source} Stay empathetic but firm about your decision.
- Show them that while you care about their feelings, acting out won't pressure you into giving them extra treats.
3
Respond calmly, without reacting emotionally. Instead, give them some space to let them get their frustration out while you make your way to a far corner in the store.^{[5]XExpert SourceWits End Parenting
Parenting SpecialistsExpert Interview. 5 March 2020.}
- When your child makes an effort to calm down by themselves, this is when you should ask them if everything is ok.
- Certain situations can also cause your child to have a meltdown, for example, going from one place to another or after ending a fun activity. These are emotionally-charged situations where your child may just need your love and support. In these situations, instead of ignoring your child, stop and hold or hug your child until they can calm down.^{[6]XResearch source}
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Defusing the Situation

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Distract a cranky child. If you sense that the kid is getting worked up, divert their attention by giving them a toy, a snack, or by showing them something interesting. Children have short attention spans, so take advantage of it.^{[7]XResearch source}
- Keep toys and snacks in your purse or pocket for moments like these.
- Take them to the seafood section and show them the swimming lobsters, or take them to the fruits and vegetables section and ask them to pick some fruit for you.
2
Take them to a different area. If your child will not or cannot calm down, take them to a different location in the store. Go to a far corner that is quiet and away from other customers. Here you will be able to focus on your child, and it will give them time settle down and recover.^{[8]XResearch source}
- Alternatively, you can take them outside of the store until they calm down. This is especially helpful for kids who get overwhelmed in stores.
3
Validate their feelings. Let them know that you care how they feel. You can show empathy for their feelings without budging on your parenting policies. Aim to be caring and understanding while maintaining family rules.
- "I can see you're overwhelmed. I know that's not easy. There's a lot going on in the store. We can take a break for a few minutes."
- "Do you feel tired? It can be hard to do a lot of things when you're tired. Is there anything I can do to make it easier, like a hug or letting you ride in the cart?"
- "I can see how many exciting treats there are here. It can be hard to choose between so many good things. Remember, our deal is that you can pick one."
4
Use positive reinforcement. Once your child has calmed own on their own, reward them with praise and hugs. Show and tell them that you are happy that they were able to calm themselves down.^{[9]XTrustworthy SourceChild Mind InstituteNonprofit organization providing evidence-based care for children with mental health and learning disorders and their familiesGo to source}
- If they used any calming strategies you're working on, like deep breaths or expressing needs politely, praise them for it. For example, "you did such a good job letting me know you needed a break. I'm proud of how you spoke up for yourself."
- Hug your child and tell them, “Everything is ok. We are almost done. When we get home you can have a snack and watch a video.”
5
Don’t worry about what others think. Know that there are going to people who judge you when your child is having a meltdown. Try not to let these people affect your mood and your ability to calm down your child. Do not apologize for your child’s behavior.^{[10]XResearch source}
- Instead, use clear and positive statements like, “We are having some difficulties today” or “We are ok. I do not think this will go on for too much longer.”
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Preventing Future Meltdowns

1
Be aware of their triggers. A variety of things can trigger a meltdown. However, the most common triggers are hunger, being tired, not getting what they want, or having to stop an activity they like. Therefore, try to notice patterns by taking note of when the triggers happen. This way you can respond appropriately.
- For example, if your child is hungry, then give them a snack before going to the store or bring one with you.
- If your child has meltdowns as a result of being tired, make sure they take a nap before going to the store with them.
- Additionally, try to avoid areas in the store that you know might trigger a meltdown, for example, the toy or candy section.
2
Plan ahead for a child who is easily overwhelmed. Some kids break down in stores because the noise, people, lights, and demands are too much for them. They might benefit from tools like noise-canceling headphones, hoodies, calming fidget toys, or comfort objects that help them self-regulate.
- Try planning for some quiet time both before and after shopping to help them calm themselves and bounce back from stress.
- In some cases, kids who get overwhelmed at stores may be dealing with sensory processing disorder, ADHD, or autism. They may need you to keep a closer eye on their stress levels so you can help before they have a breakdown. Treatments like sensory integration therapy may also help.
3
Spend one-on-one time. If the trigger is something unavoidable, then you will need to create a structure for them that will prepare them for the activity. By preparing them for the activity, your child will feel like they have more control over the situation because they know what to expect.^{[11]XResearch source}
- Before engaging in the activity, talk to your child. Tell them that you are about to go to the store. Also, try giving them something to look forward to after, like a trip to the park or ice cream store.
4
Agree beforehand on what they can get in stores. Kids may get excited seeing all the possibilities. Try either telling them they can have one thing or giving them a price limit. Stick to what you agreed on.
- If the kid starts wanting more at the store, remind them of the deal. For example, "I can see you're having a hard time choosing. Our deal won't change, but you can talk through your feelings or get a hug from me if you'd like."
- If your kid is old enough for basic math, a price limit may help their math skills. For example, telling them they can get 10 dollars' worth of treats helps them practice their addition and subtraction skills.
- You can even be a role model by letting them see you pick out one small treat for yourself. You can show them how you choose between things you like. For example, "I like both peanut butter cups and chocolate bars. Maybe I will get chocolate bars today. Your mommy really loves mint chocolate. Should we surprise her with some?"
If you know that your child is hungry or sleepy, then try to avoid taking them somewhere or prolonging your errand run. Take them home and address their needs before finishing your errands. Additionally, before taking them to the store, make sure their needs are met.^{[12]XResearch source}
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How do you handle a meltdown in public?
Wits End Parenting
Parenting Specialists
Wits End Parenting is a parent-coaching practice based in Berkeley, California specializing in strong-willed, “spirited” children with impulsivity, emotional volatility, difficulty “listening,” defiance, and aggression. Wits End Parenting's counselors incorporate positive discipline that is tailored to each child’s temperament while also providing long-term results, freeing parents from the need to continually re-invent their discipline strategies.
Wits End Parenting
Parenting Specialists
Expert Answer
You can try redirecting or calming your child down, but if they're looking for attention, this may send the wrong message since your child will learn to throw a tantrum when they want your attention. It can be a good call to just ignore them and wait for them to stop. Often, meltdowns are a result of your child being unsure of how they can adapt to a situation, or behave socially. It may not necessarily be a sign of "bad" behavior.
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