How to Handle Feeling Unhappy After Reaching Your Goal

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1Overcoming Your Discontent

2Redefining Your Success

3Finding Joy in the Journey

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You planned for months or even years to get that promotion or lose those 50 pounds. Finally, you’ve crossed the finish line. Except accomplishing your goal doesn’t quite feel like you imagined it would. If reaching your goal feels underwhelming, you probably feel confused, or even guilty. You put so much time, effort, and money into achieving your dreams only to not fully enjoy it. In truth, feeling unhappy post-goal is a very common reaction. Learn how to handle the unhappiness by modifying your perspective on happiness, changing your definition of success, and learning to enjoy the process of reaching goals rather than simply focusing on the outcome.

Steps

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Overcoming Your Discontent

1. 1
   Consider why you struggle being happy. Discontent can come from many places including low self-esteem, continued struggles with negative experiences, or an upbringing where discipline was overemphasized. Ask yourself, "What in my life stops me from feeling happy?" Write down your answers, and use them to help you understand what you need to work on moving forward.

   • You may also want to consider speaking with a therapist if you are having trouble identifying the causes your discontent. They can help you with structured reflection so that you can more readily determine what is holding you back.
2. 
   2
   Give yourself permission to be happy. Although it seems counterintuitive, you may simply need to believe that you are deserving of happiness. When you set big goals for yourself there is a tendency to delay happiness until the goal is reached. To avoid complacency, you may have sacrificed feeling good about yourself in order to keep your head down and continue striving for your dreams.

   • This tactic may have served you well during the process of goal-attainment, but it is no longer necessary.
   • Tell yourself, “I deserve happiness.” Look in the mirror, smile at yourself and repeat this phrase until you start to believe it.
   • You may also consider a celebratory gesture as a symbol that you have accomplished what you wanted. Getting yourself a gift, taking a small trip, or celebrating with friends and family may all help you feel a bit more comfortable being happy.
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3. 
   3
   Recognize that happiness is an intention, not a destination. You may feel underwhelmed by your accomplishment because you built yourself up to believing that there was a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. In reality, most people know that life is a series of ups and downs. Even after you have worked hard for a time to accomplish a goal, your life will still hold challenges and disappointment down the road.

   • You can improve your level of happiness by understanding that it is a daily choice, not a destination you arrive at. You can deny yourself contentment, or you can choose to embrace it every single day—no matter what you have achieved.
   • Try it out by rewarding yourself for doing a small portion of a task related to a bigger goal. Doing this helps you reinforce the idea that happiness is something you can choose to have every day. Designate a reward for spending a certain number of hours working on a task, or divide the task up into small steps and reward yourself as each step is completed.
4. 
   4
   Lower your expectations. If your life standards are enormously high, you could be sabotaging your own happiness. When you set the bar unreasonably high you set yourself up for failure and unhappiness. Consider what sort of expectations you have been holding yourself and others to.

   • Take a moment to think about what you expected would happen when you achieve your goal. Write your expectations down and consider whether each one is reasonable. This can help you figure out if you had certain expectations that were not realized.
   • High expectations may be beneficial when you are trying to improve, but they can sabotage happiness when you’re searching for contentment. That’s why you need to carefully manage your expectations.
   • Expect little out of others or the universe, and you will find yourself pleased no matter what the outcome. On the contrary, expect much out of yourself when you are moving towards goals, but be flexible when you don’t always meet the target.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Redefining Your Success

1. 
   1
   Complete the best possible future exercise. If reaching one goal seems unsatisfactory, it may help to explore how this achievement fits into the bigger picture of your future. Research shows that completing the best possible future exercise can create motivation to work towards new goals and help you feel happier in the present.

   • Set aside 10 to 15 minutes to think about how you envision your life in the future. Think about all the important aspects of your life: your profession, your relationships, your hobbies, your health, etc. In your best possible future, how would each of these areas look? Write it down in vivid detail.
   • This exercise can be inspiring for those with post-achievement underwhelm because it can help you to see that, although you aren’t exactly where you want to be, you may be on the right path. In fact, doing this exercise might help you to realize that you have nearly all the variables at hand right now for your best possible future.
2. 
   2
   Set new goals. Some people enjoy the challenge of goal-attainment. If this is you, you might be experiencing dissatisfaction because the spark you felt while moving towards your goal died after you completed it. Use the results of your best possible future exercise to figure out some new goals you would like to set for yourself. Then, get moving to feel purposeful, and possibly happier!

   • Set SMART goals that are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound. For instance, your best possible future involves buying a home and you just got a promotion on your job. At this point, you might set a new goal to save money for a down-payment. This new goal aligns with your future vision and can boost your contentment that you are moving in the right direction.
   • Remind yourself as you work toward your new goals that the present moment is enjoyable, as well. Every part of your life will come with different achievements that may or may not be a designated goal. Remember to celebrate all of those moments, not just achieving the goals you set.
3. 
   3
   Start celebrating yourself. Since some of your disappointment may have come from others not giving you the recognition you expected, you can counteract this dilemma by recognizing yourself. Frequently, people hold happiness at bay because they think someone else needs to permit them to feel good about themselves. Only you can make you happy. So stop waiting on others to praise you and start praising yourself.

   • Make a list of your achievements and read over it regularly.
   • Bask in your accomplishments by experiencing pride over what you have done so far.
   • Accept compliments graciously. Don’t minimize your achievements to appear modest.
4. 
   4
   Share your success with others. One terrific way to feel happier about minor successes is to spread your excitement with others. There are many ways you can do this, but doing so reinforces that you are deserving of happiness and allows those who support you to bask in your accomplishment with you.

   • Maybe you lost 20 pounds on the road to a 50-pound weight loss goal. When you reach this milestone consider throwing yourself a little party with healthy foods. This helps you and your loved ones appreciate your progress, and teaches everyone that you can have a good time while making healthy choices.
   • Another potential way to share your success is by helping someone else. Research shows that you are happier when you help others. So, why not make a generous donation to charity when you get that big promotion, or maybe plan and pay for a trip to take your friends or family to an exotic location to celebrate.
   • Remember to check your expectations for other's reactions. You know better than anyone how hard you've worked, and others may not react with the same level of enthusiasm or excitement. Remember that your feelings are what matter. Celebrate with those you care about, but don't use their excitement as a measure of your happiness.
5. 
   5
   Don’t allow societal standards to influence your version of success. Redefining success means giving it your own definition based on what you value in life. Your happiness will never come from others, so you need to release yourself from trying to meet the standards of others, also.

   • If parents, peers, or even partners don’t believe in your dreams, it shouldn’t detract from your enthusiasm. Instead of defending your dreams to them, focus on the things you do have in common with these individuals, and kindly decline to discuss contentious subjects if they bring them up.
   • You can also find your own tribe of like-minded supporters. On the internet, in your local community, or at work, locate people who have similar visions and goals as you and spend time with them.
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Finding Joy in the Journey

1. 
   1
   Assess your growth. Part of your unhappiness could arise from connecting success and happiness to an end result. In truth, happiness and success are fluid. They are found in the journey. The steps you take in between goals are what bring about powerful growth. You can become more aware of this when you take time out to regularly observe your progress.

   • Start a Month (or Week) in Review practice. Spend some time at the end of each month appreciating the challenges and milestones you overcame, and reflecting on the lessons you learned. You can also revisit your larger goals to ensure you are taking steps each day to reach them.
   • Reviewing your progress regularly can result in greater contentment for the overall process and invigorate you to keep pushing forward.
2. 
   2
   Learn mindfulness. If you are future-oriented, it can be difficult to find joy in the journey. However, if you are honest with yourself, you’ll realize that the present moment is all you ever have. Starting a mindfulness practice can help you learn to actually be in the here and now rather than always being caught up in future goals and successes.

   • An easy way to adopt mindfulness is to implement the practice into everyday monotonous activities. For instance, choose a daily activity such as washing dishes and bring greater focus to it. Think about the actions involved in doing this chore. Notice the smells, sights, sensations or sounds. Pay attention to your thoughts as you wash dishes. Move through this task being fully engaged. If you catch your mind wandering, refocus your attention on the chore.
   • Mindfulness or meditation classes can also help you get started with your mindfulness practice. Such practices get easier over time, but taking a class in the beginning can help you develop mindful habits and stay motivated early on.
3. 
   3
   Approach life from a place of exploration. Discontentment after reaching a goal may also come from desperately trying to control everything. When one thing doesn’t go like you think it should your satisfaction with the entire process dwindles. Releasing yourself from harsh judgment and the need to control can open you up to more possibilities and joy in life.

   • Explore more in life by shifting how you go about your daily activities. Take a different route home from work. Be a tourist in your hometown, visiting museums and shops that you’ve never explored. Start a day off without a rigid plan and see how it unfolds.
   • Implementing small strategies like this can help you realize that things are no less enjoyable simply because they don’t happen exactly as we want them to. There is joy found in the familiar or the unexpected, too.
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Expert Q&A

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• Question

  Why can I never reach my goal?

  

  Sydney Axelrod
  Certified Life Coach

  Sydney Axelrod is a certified life coach and the owner of Sydney Axelrod LLC, a life coaching business focused on professional and personal development. Through one-on-one coaching, digital courses, and group workshops, Sydney works with clients to discover their purpose, navigate life transitions, and set and accomplish goals. Sydney has over 1,000 hours of relevant coaching certifications and holds a BBA in Marketing and Finance from Emory University.

  

  Sydney Axelrod

  Certified Life Coach

  Expert Answer

  You may be casting a net that's a little too wide. If your goal is to go to college, for example, that's a massive goal. Try breaking it down into smaller steps. So, that might be passing all of your classes, getting over a 1200 on the SAT, or applying for scholarships. When your goals are smaller, you can use the momentum from one success to carry you through the next one.

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• Question

  Why does reaching a goal make me unhappy?

  

  Sydney Axelrod
  Certified Life Coach

  Sydney Axelrod is a certified life coach and the owner of Sydney Axelrod LLC, a life coaching business focused on professional and personal development. Through one-on-one coaching, digital courses, and group workshops, Sydney works with clients to discover their purpose, navigate life transitions, and set and accomplish goals. Sydney has over 1,000 hours of relevant coaching certifications and holds a BBA in Marketing and Finance from Emory University.

  

  Sydney Axelrod

  Certified Life Coach

  Expert Answer

  There could be a few reasons for this. It may be that you simply enjoy the process of pursing your goal, but don't necessarily put a lot of emotional value on obtaining it. There could also be some other underlying issue. I'd say you should put some effort into analyzing this. What is it keeping you from being happy? It could be there's something else going on in your life that's keeping you from feeling fulfilled.

  Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
  Thank you for your feedback.
  If How.com.vn has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission.Support How.com.vn

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