How to Go With the Flow

No matter how hard you try to plan ahead, life is always going to throw surprises your way. Being able to go with the flow is a great way to adapt to new situations and still come out successful. Going with the flow can help you let go and deal with moments when things don’t turn out the way you planned.

Here are 10 ways you can start going with the flow more in your life.

1

Distract yourself.

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Think about something that doesn't stress you out. Maybe it’s a fun memory of you and your family at the beach, or maybe it’s the thought of heading home and eating the ice cream that’s in the freezer. When you feel yourself start to get flustered or anxious, take your mind off your emotions with something good instead.^{[1]XTrustworthy SourceRecovery.orgResource run by the American Addiction Centers organization providing people with educational resources about substance abuseGo to source}
- Doing this can help you think more clearly and stop clouding your thoughts with anxiety.

2

Repeat a mantra to yourself.

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Remind yourself to go with the flow. You can use your mantra when you start feeling anxious or worried, or you can start your day out by repeating it to yourself in the mirror. Your mantra can be anything you’d like it to be, but some helpful ones include:^{[2]XResearch source}
- “I surrender to the flow and have faith in the ultimate good.”
- “Things might not always go as planned, and that’s okay.”
- “I can’t control others, I can only control myself.”

3

Smile and laugh at your own expense.

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Acknowledge how quickly you get flustered. It’s okay to add a little humor into the situation—in fact, it might actually help you feel better! When you notice yourself trying to be controlling or not going with the flow, chuckle to yourself inside and poke a little bit of fun at how you’re acting.^{[3]XResearch source}
- You don’t have to let anyone else in on the joke. It’s fine to make fun of yourself, but it’s not so great to hear it from others.

4

Be agreeable and cooperative.

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Let other people run the show once in a while. If you’re with other people, try to go along with what they say. Avoid being too contrarian, and offer constructive feedback if you really don’t like what’s about to happen. Going with the flow sometimes means letting other people decide, which can take the burden off of you.^{[4]XResearch source}
- For example, if you were supposed to hang out with friends at the park but now they want to go see a movie, you could say, “I was really looking forward to getting out into nature, but I guess I wouldn’t mind seeing a short film.”

5

Allow yourself to bend the rules.

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We place a lot of restrictions on ourselves every day. Try to let yourself break or bend whatever “rules” you think you have to follow. This could be plans that you made with friends or a schedule that you usually stick to. When you bend the rules, you’ll find yourself getting less anxious and rigid each time.^{[5]XResearch source}
- For example, if you usually exercise in a gym after work, do something spontaneous and go for a hike out in nature instead.

6

Let go of control.

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You can’t control everything, and that’s okay. Try to distinguish what’s in your control (you and your own actions) and what isn’t (your friends, your kids, your spouse, your parents, and everyone else you know). If you find yourself trying to control a situation, ask yourself, “is this in my control?” If it’s not you or your own actions, it’s probably best to step away.^{[6]XResearch source}
- For example, maybe your kid wants to quit soccer even though they’ve been playing for years. You can offer your input, but ultimately, it’s up to them to decide what they’d like to do.
- It really takes the burden off of you, and it can make you feel more relaxed to acknowledge this.
- You might also practice “radical acceptance.” Radical acceptance is the idea that while you don’t agree or condone something, you do accept it as a fact because you can’t control it.

7

Look at the bigger picture.

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A problem might seem big now, but it probably won’t matter later on. Ask yourself if what you’re dealing with right now will matter in a year. How about 5 years? If the answer is no, you can probably let it go without anything too bad happening.^{[7]XResearch source}
- For example, showing up late to a doctor’s appointment might seem bad right now, but you probably won’t remember it in a year.
- It will help you create an emotional and psychological distance from the problem so you can get a clearer picture of what’s actually going on.

8

Focus on the present moment.

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Being mindful can help keep you calm and grounded. When you feel yourself thinking about the future, stop and remind yourself that you don’t know what’s going to happen next. Focus on what’s happening right now, not what might happen at some point later on.^{[8]XTrustworthy SourceHarvard Medical SchoolHarvard Medical School's Educational Site for the PublicGo to source}
- It might help to ask questions like, “How do I know what’s going to happen in the future?” “Is there any evidence to support that thought?”
- For instance, you might wonder how a business colleague showing up late to a meeting will affect your team’s performance rating. However, you don’t know that it will have a negative impact, so there’s no use worrying about it right now.
- Practicing mindfulness can help reduce your stress and anxiety levels over time.

9

Embrace imperfection.

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Acknowledge that you and other people are going to make mistakes. No one is perfect, and that’s okay! The sooner you admit that to yourself, the happier and more easy-going you’ll feel. Try not to hold yourself or your loved ones up to impossible standards.^{[9]XResearch source}
- It can be really frustrating when someone is late or cancels plans at the last minute. However, try to put yourself in their shoes: maybe they’re going through a rough time or had a terrible day. Try to give them the same sympathy you’d want from a friend.

10

Focus on the positives.

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It’s easy to be negative when something’s not going your way. Instead, try to look on the bright side: if your plans have changed, maybe you’ll have more fun trying something new! If your schedule got disrupted today, maybe you’ll have more time to relax before heading to work! Try to think of at least 1 good thing that happened because of a shift in your life.^{[10]XTrustworthy SourceRecovery.orgResource run by the American Addiction Centers organization providing people with educational resources about substance abuseGo to source}
- For example, if you were supposed to have a meeting at 2 but it got pushed back until 4, you have time to take a longer lunch.
- This is also called “reframing,” and it’s a helpful tool against anxiety.

Expert Q&A

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Is it OK to go with the flow?
Nicolette Tura, MA
Empowerment Expert
Nicolette Tura is an Empowerment Expert based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She holds a decade of experience creating change in various non-profits then went on to operate her own wellness business for 10 years. Most recently, she worked as a Therapy Associate to a chiropractic neurologist for 15 months working hands-on with patients, helping them heal from neurological disorders like concussions, long covid, migraines, and more. Nicolette guides groups and individuals on transformative meditation journeys and game-changing mindset management workshops and retreats on empowering everyone to keep expanding beyond past conditioning and self-limiting beliefs. Nicolette is a 500-hour Registered Yoga Teacher with a Psychology & Mindfulness Major, a NASM certified Corrective Exercise Specialist, and an expert in psychophysiology with experience in nervous system regulation and breath work. She holds a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master’s degree is Sociology from San Jose State University
Nicolette Tura, MA
Empowerment Expert
Expert Answer
Yes! Going with the flow can also help you release physical tension. When you try to resist unexpected changes, it can lead to tension in your body and difficulty sleeping.
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