This article was co-authored by John Keegan. John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
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Sometimes a great romantic relationship begins as a friendship. You already know the person well and most likely have many common interests. But taking the first steps from friendship to romantic relationship can be tricky, mainly because you risk losing the person as a friend altogether. Here are some ways to test the waters for potential romance.
Steps
Spending Quality Time Together
Keep in mind that the aim here is “How to start dating a friend." The assumption is that you, for whatever reason, cannot simply ask them for a date. One approach is to invite them into some regular, planned activity that is more personal and intimate with the possibility of leading to romance.
Separate from the group. If you and your romantic interest always hang out with a large group of friends, it can be difficult to gauge their feelings for you or have any time alone together. Spending time one on one will help create a more intimate bond.Advertisement
Pick an activity you will both enjoy. Do you both love foreign films? Suggest seeing one together. Conversely, are they an excellent bowler but you are terrible? Ask them to teach you. Remember that this is your friend. You already know their calendar and time constraints. Think carefully through all the details.
Increase physical contact. Try activities that involve direct contact with one another, such as dancing or stargazing where you share one blanket. Physical contact hints at intimacy and will let you know if they are comfortable being close to you.- Warning: Do not force physical contact or rush into intimate activities like kissing. You risk making your friend scared or uncomfortable. Take things slow and try to follow their signals.
Take initiative. Did your friend mention he or she loves dancing? Secretly take a dance class and then impress them with your slick moves. It will show you share their interests.Advertisement
Talking and Listening
Learn more about each other's lives will both help you become closer with your friend and give you a better idea if you will be compatible.
Tell them details about your life that your other friends might not know. Talk about your childhood and your family. It will show that you trust them and want them to share as well.
Listen when they talk. Don't just gaze longingly at them thinking about how beautiful your children would be. Remember the little details they mention. It will show them that they are important to you. It will also help with your sly courtship. They are bound to be impressed when you purchase them a copy of a book that they mentioned was their childhood favorite.
Compliment them. Tell your friend you love their current hairstyle, how flattering their outfit is or that they have a great smile. It shows that you notice how they look and find them attractive.Advertisement
Being Honest
Read their signals. If your friend has shown no interest in spending time alone with you, or avoids physical contact, then they are most likely not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship. Telling them about your feelings would only make them uncomfortable and maybe even ruin the friendship. But, if your friend seems to be enjoying your time together as much as you are, they may share your romantic feelings. At this point, it is time to be honest.
Explain your feelings clearly. Let your friend know that you truly value the friendship but that you also have romantic feelings for them and would like to be more than friends.EXPERT TIPJohn Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.Dating Coach
John Keegan
Dating CoachOur Expert Agrees: When you have a crush on your best friend, at some point, you have to let them know how you feel. You might say something like, "I'm starting to feel something for you," but you can also be more subtle to get a feel for where they're at. For instance, you might lean close and whisper that they look really nice, or give them a hug, or kiss their cheeks like you're in France. That will give you a chance to see if it feels like something's happening between the two of you.
Give them time and space. Pressuring them into giving you an answer or starting a relationship right away might make them uncomfortable. Show that you respect them as a friend by giving them time to think.
Respect their decision. If your friend does not want to pursue a romantic relationship, respect their choice and do not pressure them further. If you want to remain friends, let them know how important it is to you to maintain a platonic friendship.Advertisement
Expert Q&A
Tips
- Be patient. Focus first of all on the adventure. After all, this person is your friend because you enjoy spending time with them.Thanks
- Don't suddenly blurt out that you like them because it can be awkward. Instead, give them hints. It's okay to be coy and flirtatious. Who knows, they may find it cute!Thanks
- Always think about the timing. If your friend has just ended a serious relationship, they might not be ready to start a new one with you.Thanks
Warnings
- Do not try to force it on them or pressure them through guilt. It will not change their feelings and will most likely destroy the friendship.Thanks
- Sometimes confessing your feelings to a friend can be interpreted as a betrayal of trust. Always explore mutual interests first to see if there is any possibility for a romantic relationship.Thanks
About this article
Reader Success Stories
"The advice to separate from the group was a huge plus, because then she did not have the pressure of other people."
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