How to Get Your Best Friend to Show You That They Care

Sometimes you find yourself in a situation where your best friend is ignoring you, or it seems like you are the only one doing any work in the relationship. You're the one calling, texting, waiting, and asking what's wrong, but your friend doesn't do the same. True friendship starts with open communication, with both sides understanding what a healthy friendship is.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Keeping Your Emotions In Check

You may feel inclined to ignore or avoid your friend as a way to "get back at" him for ignoring you. This doesn't help you or your friend. It's a form of psychological manipulation that is more passive-aggressive than helpful in building a true friendship.^{[1]XResearch source}
Sometimes when we have a difference of opinion or argument, we want to distance ourselves from that person. You may have accidentally upset your friend, or vice versa. Before you jump to conclusions about your friend not caring, think about the recent events between you and your friend.
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3
Realize that everyone has good days and bad days. Your friend may not be only ignoring you, but other people too. Sometimes you may feel the need to disconnect from your friends and family if you're going through a difficult time. Be patient with your friend, and respect that she may be going through a stressful time. Your friend may need a helping hand, rather than a judgmental one.
- You don't need to call, text, or message your friend multiple times a day trying to get a response. Be patient that your friend likely got the message and will respond when she is ready.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Building a Healthier Friendship

1
Talk openly with your friend. Talk about what is bothering you and how it makes you feel. Be calm when discussing your feelings. See if your friend is willing to open up to you in return. Strong friendships are built on trust in which friends are mutually open and honest.^{[2]XResearch source}
- Try letting go of petty feelings you may have in order to figure out how to work through this situation.
- You might start this conversation by saying something like, "Hey, I've noticed we haven't been talking much lately. Is everything okay?"
2
Communicate your needs and expectations. Be open about what your needs are in terms of the friendship. If you don't feel valued unless you hear from your friend twice a week for example, see how your friend reacts, and if she may be willing to change, or better understand your needs.
- Be willing to understand that your expectations of the friendship may be different from your friend's. Sometimes there are different needs or expectations that we may have, so be respectful of your friend's need for space at times.
- You might say something like, "It's really important to me to have a friend who is open about how much they care. It would mean a lot to me if you could [help me study/check in with me once a week/etc.]"
3
Set a "friend date." Find ways to reconnect with your friend if there has been recent tension between you two. Make an effort to spend time, just the two of you, so that you can have a better friendship.
- Use this time to share and trust one another. See how your friend may change when you make an effort to set him as a priority.
- Do something that you think you both will enjoy. Think about doing something that makes your friend feel valued, like getting tickets to see his favorite band, or making reservations at a new restaurant that specializes in cuisine from his ancestral country. See if your friend notices that you made an effort.
4
Evaluate if this is an equal friendship. If your friend is only there for you when it's convenient, or in her own interest, your friend may be taking more out of you than is healthy. Be honest with your friend about how this makes you feel and think about how she responds. ^{[3]XResearch source}
- Talk with your friend about how you would like to be treated in the same way as you treat her. A good friend will bring out the best in you, not the worst. ^{[4]XResearch source}
- If your friend reacts negatively, perhaps by blaming you for her problems, or acting like she doesn't even care about what you're saying, this may not be as healthy a friendship as you may wish.
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Accepting Differences Between You and Your Friend

1
Determine whether this a new behavior. If this is a new situation, there may be something that recently happened which has caused a change in your friend's behavior. Be aware that friendships change over time, but with a strong foundation they can endure the ups-and-downs, like any relationship.
- Be willing to talk with your friend about a change in his behavior. Feel out about what's going on, as something may have happened recently that is weighing heavily on your friend's mind.
- Think about whether this is just part of your friend's personality. Has he always been less likely to show emotion or be particularly caring? If this is simply how your friend normally is, think about if you have other friend who can give you what you need or if there are ways you can fulfill this need through self-care.
2
Recognize that each person is different. If you're outgoing and talkative, and your friend is more quiet, you may have difficulty with understanding why she is acting that way. Accept that you and your friend are not the same person, and may respond differently to the same thing.^{[5]XResearch source}
- Being different isn't a bad thing. Sometimes friends who have different ways of doing things help us to learn and grow.
3
Reflect on the ups-and-downs of your friendship. If you have had some problems off and on before, this may be a temporary problem. If it seems like the relationship is one-sided, think about whether this friendship is more helpful or harmful to your stress level.
- It's okay to take "breaks" from your friendship. If things aren't going so well right now, do other things that you enjoy. Don't actively ignore your friend, but recognize that sometimes we all need space in a relationship.
- If you have been friends for many years, you may easily get back into a groove with your friend. If you've been friends for a year or less, talk with your friend about the ups-and-downs that you're feeling in this relationship to see if change is possible.
4
Be open to making other friends. It's important that you don't depend on one friend or one person to make you feel good. That's too much to expect of one person. It is important to have other friends and family to support us and provide guidance.
- First, try to work out any problems with your friend, but know that sometimes you may have look elsewhere to get your needs met.
- Talk with other trusted friends and family about possible guidance.
- It's important to have a sense of self in any friendship and be open to change.
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