How to Form Healthy Relationships when Recovering from Mental Illness

Explore this Article

parts

1Getting Back into Dating

2Disclosing Your Diagnosis

3Building a Healthy Relationship

Other Sections

Expert Q&A

Related Articles

References

If you are going through recovery for mental illness, the idea of starting a new relationship can bring about trepidation. In addition to being concerned about your own health and well-being, you may have concerns about whether you will be mentally strong enough to handle the dating scene, or you may be worried about how to break the news of your mental illness to a potential partner. You can form healthy and successful relationships by taking your time re-entering the dating scene, choosing carefully how to disclose your diagnosis, and following strategies necessary to maintain a healthy relationship.

Steps

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Getting Back into Dating

1. 
   1
   Keep it casual. During your recovery, you will have to make many adjustments: in work, in your friendships, and in your personal life. You need to come to know yourself with your disorder first. So, keep any dating casual at first. Dating can be stressful, so you don’t want to jump into anything too fast which could trigger a relapse of your condition.

   • Avoid using any labels like “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.” For right now, simply focus on having a good time and connecting with people you are interested in. Don’t place too much emphasis on where it will lead.
   • Make your intention to get to know others and have fun rather than to look for a date. This will remove some stress.
2. 
   2
   Try online dating. To slowly get back into the dating scene, consider meeting people online. The usual places for meeting people like bars and clubs may be provoke anxiety or overwhelm you. Online dating, however, offers the chance for you to connect with compatible partners from the comfort of your own home. This allows you to set the pace of the interactions and build your confidence over time.

   • It’s entirely up to you if you choose to disclose information about your condition in your profile. Some people may choose to be straightforward about this while others may choose to disclose on an individual basis once they see how a connection progresses.
   • Go at a pace that feel comfortable for you. There’s no need to rush. Sometimes talking to people online can be a little less stressful.
   • You do need to follow safety precautions when dating online. These may include refraining from posting any personal contact info like your address or last name, watching for red flags like a person who sounds too good to be true, and scheduling initial meetings in public places.
   Advertisement
3. 
   3
   Remove the pressure with a double or group date. If you have an existing social circle of friends, it may be nice to ask them if they have a suggestion for a date. Plus, this gives you the chance to buffer a first date in the presence of a group of people who support you.

   • Ask a friend or coworker if they know someone who would be a good match for you. Consider fun dates like a sporting event, miniature golf, or even preparing a meal at a friend’s home.
4. 
   4
   Put your health first. Romantic relationships bring with them many challenges. It can be easy to get lost in your relationship and start neglecting your health. Prevent a relapse of your condition by making your health your #1 priority. Talk to your doctor and mental health providers to verify whether you are well enough to pursue a relationship or forge a deeper connection with someone else.

   • Continue your treatment. Even when you start feeling better, keep taking your medications and attending therapy or support group meetings.
   • Practice regular self-care and stress management. Nurture your physical and mental health by eating balanced meals, getting 7 to 9 hours of sleep each night, and exercising. Do activities that you enjoy like reading, hiking, or watching comedies with friends.
   • Know your triggers. Pay attention to the things that affect your mood, energy, or behavior and develop measures with your therapist to prevent or avoid these stimuli. Being proactive about your triggers can mean the difference between a relapse and a healthy recovery from your mental illness.
   • Try not to rely on the other person to “fix” your illness. The goal of the relationship should be to find someone you care for who you can share experiences with.
   Advertisement

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Disclosing Your Diagnosis

1. 
   1
   Decide when to disclose. You might feel dishonest about not telling a new date about your illness right away. However, it’s best to wait it out and see if you truly have connection with the other person before sharing news about your condition. Only discuss your mental illness once you believe you are interested in building a long-term relationship with the person.

   • It can be emotionally draining and frustrating to disclose your diagnosis to everyone you meet, especially if the relationship isn’t going anywhere.
   • Remember that you are not your illness. It’s just one aspect of your life that you are dealing with.
2. 
   2
   Share directly and briefly. There’s no point dragging out the discussion once you’ve decided to share with someone. Sometimes, beating around the bush can make things seem worse than they really are. Speak candidly with your date and only share what you feel comfortable sharing. Every detail of your mental health history need not be brought up during this first discussion. You might overwhelm them by doing so.

   • You might say, “I care about you and I see our relationship growing stronger so I wanted to talk to you about something. A few years ago, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I take medications and see a therapist on a weekly basis to help me manage it.”
3. 
   3
   Encourage questions. It might be helpful to let your date know that you welcome any questions that they may have for you. Some people are ignorant about what it’s like to live with a mental illness. They here terms like depression or PTSD and associate them with stigma that they hear about in the media. Educate your date and help them better understand what you condition is like and how you are managing it.

   • Ask, “I want you to feel comfortable talking to me about this. Do you have any questions? I’m happy to make things more clear for you.”
4. 
   4
   Don’t give false hope. Because disclosing your diagnosis can be met with a negative reaction, some people are tempted to minimize their condition so as not to “scare” potential partners away. Avoid doing this. Keep in mind that even if you partner is initially accepting, they can always change their mind later. Refrain from giving them false hope that you condition isn’t that serious or that there is a cure.

   • Try to give the other person a realistic idea of how your illness impacts your daily life.
   Advertisement

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Building a Healthy Relationship

1. 
   1
   Don’t rush things. Even once you find that special someone and you think you are ready to take things to the next level, move slowly. This may be frustrating, but, sometimes, a mental illness can make you feel strongly for someone who is in not necessarily a good match. In order to take care of yourself and ensure that you are in a healthy relationship, take your time making any commitments.
2. 
   2
   Communicate openly and honestly. Relaying your thoughts and feelings when you are recovering from mental illness can be difficult. However, it’s important to understand that communication is a fundamental element to having a healthy and supportive relationship with your partner.

   • Have the courage to share your feelings with your partner, and be willing to listen when they do the same. Avoid name-calling, guilt-tripping, or threatening your partner.
   • If you have unhealthy conflict resolution skills, try couples therapy to learn ways to fight fair and resolve arguments in a productive way.
3. 
   3
   Set and respect boundaries. A healthy and secure relationship involves two partners who acknowledge and respect one another’s personal boundaries. It may seem counterproductive to set limits in your relationship, but boundaries allow both partners to express what makes them feel safe and happy in the relationship.

   • Sit down with your partner and discuss your boundaries. For example, you might say, “Privacy is really important to me due to having obsessive-compulsive disorder. Can you please give me advanced notice whenever you come over to visit?”
   • It may help to do this in the presence of your therapist who can help you facilitate this discussion and brainstorm idea. Plus, this professional will have insight into your illness to know what boundaries will be most helpful to you and your partner.
4. 
   4
   Avoid codependency. Dating with a mental illness can leave you open to becoming too dependent on your partner. It’s easy for a person recovering from a mental health crisis to latch on to a new partner, seeing them as a savior of sorts. You may come to believe that with this person you have found healing, which leads to you dropping out of treatment and stopping your medication regimen. In addition, you may start to worship this person, doing whatever they say and changing yourself to appease them. Codependency is unhealthy and can result in a setback in your mental health recovery.

   • Keep your therapist in the loop about the progress of your relationship. By doing this, they can help you spot signs of codependency and develop measures to prevent it. Plus, if a relationship starts to take over your life, it may be necessary to end it.
   • You can also counteract codependency by building support networks outside the relationship. See friends and family regularly, both with and without your partner present. Pursue passions and interests of your own. Participate in support groups for people with your condition and openly share your story. All of these strategies can give you the confidence and self-efficacy to avoid entering a codependent relationship.
   Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Search

Add New Question

• Question

  How can I be a good partner with mental illness?

  

  Elisabeth Weiss
  Professional Dog Trainer

  Elisabeth Weiss is a Professional Dog Trainer and owner of Dog Relations NYC, a dog training service in New York, New York. Elisabeth relies on science-based, force-free, and reward-based techniques. Elisabeth offers behavior training, puppy manners, body awareness and injury prevention, diet, exercise and dog nutrition services. Her work has been featured in New York Magazine and on the Dog Save the People podcast. She also trained all the dogs in the movie "Heart of a Dog" by Laurie Anderson that features Elisabeth's journey with Laurie Anderson's and Lou Reed's dog Lolabelle and how her passion for playing the keyboards played a significant role in improving her quality of life after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

  

  Elisabeth Weiss

  Professional Dog Trainer

  Expert Answer

  Focus on taking care of yourself. You have to have a strong understanding of who you are when you're well, and you need to be able to recognize when the challenges in your life are increasing. In those times, you might need to reach out to your family, friends, or therapist so you can get back on track. When you do that, you can learn to work with your mental illness in a way that is much less impactful on your life.

  Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
  Thank you for your feedback.
  If How.com.vn has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission.Support How.com.vn

  YesNo

  Not Helpful 0Helpful 0

Ask a Question

200 characters left

Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.

Submit

Advertisement