How to Forget the Boy You Loved

Forgetting love may be hard to do, but sometimes it is necessary. It can be psychologically challenging to overcome a breakup, but taking certain steps can help. Make an effort to disconnect from your ex, engage in self-care, and seek support from others.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Disconnecting

1
Taper off contact. Oftentimes, people hang on to their exes past what is healthy. If someone is absent from your life, it's best to work on letting go of the relationship. The first step is tapering off contact.
- When a relationship ends, it can be hard to move away from your ex as your go-to for support.
- In order to get over the relationship you need to make an effort to do so.^{[1]XResearch source}
- Don't call, text, or e-mail your ex. If necessary, temporarily block him on social media to avoid the temptation to contact him.
- Minimize the amount of time you spend with your ex and don't engage in activities together that increase feelings of attachment.^{[2]XResearch source}
- Get rid of any mementos you associate with your ex. This can help remove the temptation to call and talk to him when you're stressed or upset.
Consider why you're trying to forget this person. Was the relationship not working? Was the person not nice to you? There are many reasons why a relationship might end and being aware of why yours did not work out can aid in the healing process. Spend time thinking about why things ended and assuring yourself the break up was for the best.^{[3]XResearch source}
Advertisement
Research shows that it's not actually a bad thing to think about a relationship while trying to get over it as long as you think in abstract terms. Remember the emotions you felt during the relationship rather than the physical presence of your ex. Focus on what you enjoyed about being with this person on an emotional level and how lucky you were to experience feelings of love and attachment. Remember the relationship as an abstract concept rather than a physical experience.^{[4]XResearch source}
4
Be aware it takes time. Contrary to what you may read in women's magazines, there is no magic formula that can tell you when you can expect to get over an ex. A variety of factors impact how long it will take you to get over a relationship. As you attempt to get over a relationship, be patient and accept it will take time.^{[5]XExpert SourceJennifer Butler, MSW
Love & Empowerment CoachExpert Interview. 31 July 2020.}
- The duration and intensity of the relationship are two of the biggest factors in determining how long it will take you to heal.
- Long-term relationships of high intensity can take as long as a year to get over.
- Shorter relationships that were very intense can also be difficult to forget.^{[6]XResearch source}
You might end up seeing the boy at school, work, or around town. It can be hard to forget someone when you're occasionally forced to interact. Try to limit interactions unless absolutely necessary. Be courteous when you see your ex and if you need to work with him on projects, be respectful but stay professional. You will likely experience some feelings of sadness the first few times you have to interact with your ex after the relationship ended. Accept these are normal and will pass with time.
Advertisement

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Caring for Yourself

1
Get busy. While it's important to acknowledge and experience sadness in the wake of a break up, dwelling on negative thoughts too long eventually becomes counterproductive. Try to stay busy with a variety of hobbies and activities to stop yourself from lingering in sadness.
- Find something you enjoy. You can go to a museum, see a movie, do a puzzle, or play a video game.
- Create time and space for your hobbies. This is the only way to get yourself out of the house after a breakup.
- Promise yourself you'll spend at least 3 nights a week going out or swear you'll only spend one weekend night in alone.
Spend more time with a friend, siblings, classmates, and other people you're close to. Being alone can lead you to ruminate on negative thoughts so heavy socialization is vital when it comes to moving forward. Make plans with people you know and make efforts to get to know new people. Attend a club or meeting. Go to a bar alone and talk to a stranger. Attend poetry readings or art shows and see if you meet anyone.
3
Strive to stick with daily self-care routines. Many people fall into the trap of not caring for themselves in the wake of a breakup. As hard as it might be, continue to practice self-care even when you're feeling down.^{[7]XExpert SourceJennifer Butler, MSW
Love & Empowerment CoachExpert Interview. 31 July 2020.}
- Keep up with eating and sleeping right. Go the gym if you work out regularly. Try not to let day-to-day activities that help you feel your best fall to the wayside.
- Push yourself. Doing basic day-to-day tasks might take extra effort during a breakup but poor eating, hygiene, and fitness habits will only exasperate a bad mood.
While it's important to keep up with self-care, cut yourself some slack in regards to work. Some people feel throwing themselves into work is a great distraction, but this can create a negative pattern. It can be hard to go back to a normal work load once you're feeling better. Try to put in less effort than normal at work and, if possible, take a mental health day to spend time taking care of yourself.
Advertisement

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Seeking Support

1
Connect with friends and family members. As stated, the attachment you feel to an ex is what makes breakups so difficult. You end up feeling lonely and isolated when this person is suddenly out of your life. Work on forming closer relationships with friends and family members to fill in the gap your ex left.
- Relying on people can take some getting used to. At first, you might have to force yourself to call your mom or best friend after a bad day instead of your ex.
- Once you learn to rely on these people over your ex, he'll be easier to forget.^{[8]XResearch source}
- Remind yourself your ex is not the only person in your life who loves you and who you feel close to.^{[9]XResearch source}
2
Date casually. Do not jump into a new relationship after a bad breakup. This can make you want your ex more. However, casual dating in the wake of a bad breakup can actually help you move forward. It reminds you that you are attractive, desirable, and will find someone again.
- Go on casual, fun dates. Have a friend set you up. Attend a singles mixer. Try creating on online dating profile.^{[10]XResearch source}
- Remind yourself you're not necessarily seeking out the love of your life, but rather trying to have fun and date around while you're single.^{[11]XResearch source}
If you have preexisting issues with depression and anxiety, you may need the assistance of a therapist to get over your ex. You can ask for a referral for a therapist from your primary doctor. You can also get a list of therapists from your insurance providers. If you're a student, you may be entitled to free counseling from your college or university.^{[12]XResearch source}
Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Search

Add New Question

Question
How can I start to feel better?
Jennifer Butler, MSW
Love & Empowerment Coach
Jennifer Butler is a Love & Transformation Coach and the Owner of JennJoyCoaching, a life coaching business based in Miami, Florida, although Jennifer works with clients all over the world. Jennifer’s work centers around empowering women who are navigating any stage of the divorce or breakup process. She has over four years of life coaching experience. She is also the co-host of the Deep Chats Podcast along with Leah Morris and the host of season 2 “Divorce and Other Things You Can Handle” by Worthy. Her work has been featured in ESME, DivorceForce, and Divorced Girl Smiling. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from New York University. She is also a Certified Health Coach, a Communications & Life Mastery Specialist, and a Certified Conscious Uncoupling and Calling in “the One” coach.
Jennifer Butler, MSW
Love & Empowerment Coach
Expert Answer
Treat yourself to something you would not normally indulge in, like a day at the beach or an expensive clothing item.
Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
Thank you for your feedback.
If How.com.vn has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission.Support How.com.vn
Yes No
Not Helpful 0 Helpful 2

Ask a Question

200 characters left

Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.

Submit

Tips

Share your feelings with those you're closest with. Most people have gone through a breakup and might have advice that could help.
Thanks
Helpful0 Not Helpful0
If you were friends for a while before dating, then stay friends, but remember to give him some space before jumping into the friendship. Don't cut him off completely, as this only makes you want him more. When you are both talking as friends again, try not to flirt, and set boundaries with each other.
Thanks
Helpful0 Not Helpful0