This article was co-authored by Inge Hansen, PsyD. Dr. Inge Hansen, PsyD, is the Director of Well-Being at Stanford University and the Weiland Health Initiative. Dr. Hansen has professional interests in social justice and gender and sexual diversity. She earned her PsyD from the California School of Professional Psychology with specialized training in the area of gender and sexual identity. She is the co-author of The Ethical Sellout: Maintaining Your Integrity in the Age of Compromise.
There are 16 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 54,851 times.
It takes time to understand yourself, so it's natural to be unsure about their gender identity. People generally know their gender identity from a young age and find it difficult to think of themselves in any other way. Those who think of themselves as other genders, on the other hand, may have difficulty understanding their gender, which can cause a lot of stress and anxiety. This article will help you to understand some of the ways you can become more in touch with your true gender identity and better understand yourself.[1]XResearch source
Know that gender is from the mind. Gender identity is how people perceive themselves in their minds, and people like to express their gender identity through pronouns (for example, "they/them"), clothing, appearance, hairstyle, and more. On the other hand, biological sex is our biological and physiological characteristics (such as chromosomes, genitals, hormones, reproductive organs, and many more) that determine whether we're male, female or intersex.
Gender is one's psychological identification, which may or may not align with one's biological sex. There is no fixed number of gender identities, as individuals may identify in various ways, but here are some common examples:
Cisgender – identifying as the biological sex assigned at birth
Transgender – identifying as the opposite sex assigned from birth
Non-Binary – not identifying with either male or female.
Bigender – identifying with both male and female.
Gender Fluid – may identify with a gender that changes over time or depending on the situation.
Sex is determined by a combination of biological factors, including anatomy, chromosomes (the two common ones being XX for female and XY for male), and the reproductive system, most often within the male and female category. For example, boys and men typically have a penis and testicles, while girls and women typically have a vagina.
A male before age 18 is a boy, while those ages 18 and older are men.
A female before age 18 is a girl, while those ages 18 and older are women.
Intersex is a diverse term for a small number of people who have chromosomes, hormones, and/or genitalia outside of the male and female binary. It is not a third sex as intersex variations are different and they cannot be classified together.
2
Understand gender identity. Gender identity is about how we see ourselves in terms of gender. Gender identity refers to an individual's internal sense of self and gender, whether they are a man, a woman, neither, or both. Gender identity, unlike gender expression, is not visible to others, and is an internal sense. It should be noted that intersex is not a gender identity despite it is listed in the image. Common gender identities include:[2]XResearch source
Cisgender, or simply cis, is a term that refers to a person whose gender identity corresponds to the sex assigned to them at birth.
Transgender, or trans, is an umbrella term that refers to someone whose gender identity differs from the gender assigned at birth. (Being intersex is not the same as being nonbinary or transgender.)
Agender is an adjective that can be used to describe someone who does not identify as any gender.
Nonbinary/genderqueer is a term that can be used by people who do not identify as male or female or who do not fit into the categories of man or woman. A variety of terms are used to describe these experiences; nonbinary and genderqueer are two examples.
Genderfluid is a term used to describe individuals whose gender identity (the gender with which they most identify) is not fixed. It can change over time or from one day to the next. Fluid is a type of gender identity or expression, not a sexual orientation.
Demiboy/Demigirl/Demigender are gender identity terms meaning having a partial, but not complete, attachment to a specific gender identity or to the concept of gender (for example, a boy feeling a partial connection to being a girl, but still identifying as a boy). This is considered a nonbinary gender.
Bigender is a term for someone who identifies as man and woman, or two genders.
Trigender is a label used for somebody who identifies with three genders.
Pangender refers to a multigender non-binary gender identity referring to a vast and diverse multiplicity of genders in the same individual that can extend infinitely, always within the person's own culture and life experience, and may or may not include unknown genders.
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3
Understand gender expression. Your gender expression is the manner in which you present your gender. Gender expression can be expressed through clothing, appearance, and behavior. Because others can see it, this is an external sense. These cues are identified as masculine or feminine by society, though what is considered masculine or feminine changes over time and varies by culture.[3]XResearch source
Gender expression varies from person to person. For example, some men love weightlifting, some men love nail polish, and some love both. None of these things make them more or less male.
4
Understand the difference between sexuality and gender. Gender identity refers to a person's internal sense of gender, whether male, female, or outside of the gender binary. Sexual/romantic orientation refers to a person's physical, emotional, or romantic attraction to other people.[4]XResearch source
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How would you feel if a person of the same gender asked for your number?
Ask yourself questions. Asking yourself questions about your gender can relieve some confusion and help you better understand yourself. Try asking yourself these questions:[5]XResearch source
How do you feel about your birth sex?
What gender do you wish people saw you as?
How would you like to express your gender?
What pronouns do you feel most comfortable using?
When you imagine your ideal future, what gender are you?
2
Experiment with different labels. Try out various labels for yourself, such as gender fluid, nonbinary, cisgender, demigender, and transgender, and see how you feel about them. If you don't like a certain label, try another one on and see how you feel until you find one that makes you happy and comfortable.
It's okay if you don't want to wear a label.
3
Find out how you're comfortable expressing your gender. This is where gender expression comes into gender. Wearing masculine/feminine clothing doesn't imply that you are a boy/girl, but the way you dress and present can give you insight on your gender. If you enjoy wearing dresses, skirts, or bright colors, this could indicate that you enjoy presenting yourself as feminine. Perhaps you prefer a t-shirt and jeans to a fancy dress—this could indicate that you prefer to dress masculinely. You may prefer a combination of these styles, or you may prefer neither.
Remember; gender expression does not always correspond to gender identity.
Learn more about gender. Look for articles, books, fiction, blogs, music, shows, and video games about gender identities, expression, and labels. The more information you have, the better you can understand yourself. There are numerous online resources available to help you learn more about gender, such as:
GenderSpectrum.org
GLAAD
The Trevor Project Resource Center
Trans Lifeline
5
Experiment with different pronouns. Apart from our names, pronouns are how we identify ourselves. Pronouns are how someone addresses you in a conversation or discussion. A few sets of pronouns include:
She/her/hers
He/him/his
They/them/theirs
A combination of pronouns, such as "he/they" or "ze/she/they"
Neopronouns, such as "ze/hir/hirs" or "xe/xem/xyrs"
All pronouns, used respectfully.
You might prefer no pronouns, and request that others only use your name to address you.
Practice self care. Self-care simply refers to being aware of your own needs in order to better support those you care about. Ways to take care of yourself:
Exercise regularly.
Eat nutritious foods.
Get enough good quality sleep.
Do what you enjoy.
2
Cope with dysphoria. Gender dysphoria is the distress and discomfort that a person experiences when their assigned gender does not match their gender identity. They may also experience distress or discomfort as a result of the traditional gender roles that their assigned gender is expected to play. When people do not feel free to express their gender identity, it can cause something called dysphoria and increase the risk of mental and physical health problems, such as depression, anxiety, and increase suicidal thoughts.[6]XResearch source
Gender dysphoria can be an excellent opportunity to pause, take a deep breath, and remind yourself of the things you appreciate about your body. Even something as simple as telling yourself, "I like my feet because they carry me where I want to go," can make you feel a little better.
Seek professional assistance if you need it. Gender identity issues are not a mental illness or disorder. However, if you believe you are having difficulties with your mental health, you can seek help from a therapist, a counselor, or someone who specializes in gender and gender dysphoria, such as gender therapy. [7]XTrustworthy SourceNational Health Service (UK)Public healthcare system of the UKGo to source
If you need crisis support or you are considering suicide, text/call the Trevor Project hotline.
When you are LGBTQ+, it is important to have a therapist who is LGBTQ+ affirming, and in some cases, an LGBTQ+ specialist. Often, one can find therapists who are LGBTQ+ affirmative by checking groups (national groups, such as Gaylesta or Division 44, as well as local groups) focused on LGBTQ+ therapy.
4
Create a network of people who validate your gender identity, even if you don't know how to express it yet. If you don't have people like this in your life, think about joining an online support group.[8]XResearch source What is most important to remember is that you are not alone. Even if you aren't out to your family, friends, or local community, there are a multitude of online resources you can use to connect with other trans, gender diverse, and nonbinary people who share your feelings.[9]XResearch source
Usually, people struggle with family and societal expectations when they try to establish their gender identity.
It is necessary to find support, acceptance, and love when you are going through the coming out process.[10]XResearch source
The process can take many years because it takes a long time to explore your identity.[11]XResearch source
5
Be patient with yourself. Understanding yourself takes time, and it is normal to change your mind about how you define and express your gender identity several times before things 'feel right' for you. It takes time to understand yourself, so it's natural for some people to be unsure about their gender identity.
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Dr. Inge Hansen, PsyD, is the Director of Well-Being at Stanford University and the Weiland Health Initiative. Dr. Hansen has professional interests in social justice and gender and sexual diversity. She earned her PsyD from the California School of Professional Psychology with specialized training in the area of gender and sexual identity. She is the co-author of The Ethical Sellout: Maintaining Your Integrity in the Age of Compromise.
You may be experiencing gender dysphoria if you notice persistent discomfort with multiple aspects of your assigned gender (not limited to aspects that are due to sexism or limited gender roles within a given culture of a community).
Question
I was assigned female at birth, but I like using he/they pronouns. I like being a girl a little, but I also wanna be a boy. What do I do?
Nico
Top Answerer
Try to experiment with different labels and see what you are comfortable with—it’s possible you could be demiboy or bigender. Remember that being a guy doesn’t matter if you like being feminine, but you still want to be a guy, you can be a feminine guy and use he/they pronouns.
Question
Can online tests and quizzes determine your gender?
Nico
Top Answerer
Sometimes, but not always. A lot of online quizzes are made by people with personal experience who question(ed) their gender, and not by experts. It's better to go to a gender therapist or gender identity center and work with an expert to understand your gender if your having trouble determining your gender.
This article was co-authored by Inge Hansen, PsyD. Dr. Inge Hansen, PsyD, is the Director of Well-Being at Stanford University and the Weiland Health Initiative. Dr. Hansen has professional interests in social justice and gender and sexual diversity. She earned her PsyD from the California School of Professional Psychology with specialized training in the area of gender and sexual identity. She is the co-author of The Ethical Sellout: Maintaining Your Integrity in the Age of Compromise. This article has been viewed 54,851 times.
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 54,851 times.
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Co-authors: 9
Updated: November 24, 2023
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1Know that gender is from the mind. Gender identity is how people perceive themselves in their minds, and people like to express their gender identity through pronouns (for example, "they/them"), clothing, appearance, hairstyle, and more. On the other hand, biological sex is our biological and physiological characteristics (such as chromosomes, genitals, hormones, reproductive organs, and many more) that determine whether we're male, female or intersex.
Understand gender identity. Gender identity is about how we see ourselves in terms of gender. Gender identity refers to an individual's internal sense of self and gender, whether they are a man, a woman, neither, or both. Gender identity, unlike gender expression, is not visible to others, and is an internal sense. It should be noted that intersex is not a gender identity despite it is listed in the image. Common gender identities include:[2]
3Understand gender expression. Your gender expression is the manner in which you present your gender. Gender expression can be expressed through clothing, appearance, and behavior. Because others can see it, this is an external sense. These cues are identified as masculine or feminine by society, though what is considered masculine or feminine changes over time and varies by culture.[3]
4Understand the difference between sexuality and gender. Gender identity refers to a person's internal sense of gender, whether male, female, or outside of the gender binary. Sexual/romantic orientation refers to a person's physical, emotional, or romantic attraction to other people.[4]
1Ask yourself questions. Asking yourself questions about your gender can relieve some confusion and help you better understand yourself. Try asking yourself these questions:[5]
2Experiment with different labels. Try out various labels for yourself, such as gender fluid, nonbinary, cisgender, demigender, and transgender, and see how you feel about them. If you don't like a certain label, try another one on and see how you feel until you find one that makes you happy and comfortable.
3Find out how you're comfortable expressing your gender. This is where gender expression comes into gender. Wearing masculine/feminine clothing doesn't imply that you are a boy/girl, but the way you dress and present can give you insight on your gender. If you enjoy wearing dresses, skirts, or bright colors, this could indicate that you enjoy presenting yourself as feminine. Perhaps you prefer a t-shirt and jeans to a fancy dress—this could indicate that you prefer to dress masculinely. You may prefer a combination of these styles, or you may prefer neither.
4Learn more about gender. Look for articles, books, fiction, blogs, music, shows, and video games about gender identities, expression, and labels. The more information you have, the better you can understand yourself. There are numerous online resources available to help you learn more about gender, such as:
5Experiment with different pronouns. Apart from our names, pronouns are how we identify ourselves. Pronouns are how someone addresses you in a conversation or discussion. A few sets of pronouns include:
1Practice self care. Self-care simply refers to being aware of your own needs in order to better support those you care about. Ways to take care of yourself:
2Cope with dysphoria. Gender dysphoria is the distress and discomfort that a person experiences when their assigned gender does not match their gender identity. They may also experience distress or discomfort as a result of the traditional gender roles that their assigned gender is expected to play. When people do not feel free to express their gender identity, it can cause something called dysphoria and increase the risk of mental and physical health problems, such as depression, anxiety, and increase suicidal thoughts.[6]
3Seek professional assistance if you need it. Gender identity issues are not a mental illness or disorder. However, if you believe you are having difficulties with your mental health, you can seek help from a therapist, a counselor, or someone who specializes in gender and gender dysphoria, such as gender therapy. [7]
4Create a network of people who validate your gender identity, even if you don't know how to express it yet. If you don't have people like this in your life, think about joining an online support group.[8] What is most important to remember is that you are not alone. Even if you aren't out to your family, friends, or local community, there are a multitude of online resources you can use to connect with other trans, gender diverse, and nonbinary people who share your feelings.[9]
5Be patient with yourself. Understanding yourself takes time, and it is normal to change your mind about how you define and express your gender identity several times before things 'feel right' for you. It takes time to understand yourself, so it's natural for some people to be unsure about their gender identity.
Inge Hansen, PsyDDr. Inge Hansen, PsyD, is the Director of Well-Being at Stanford University and the Weiland Health Initiative. Dr. Hansen has professional interests in social justice and gender and sexual diversity. She earned her PsyD from the California School of Professional Psychology with specialized training in the area of gender and sexual identity. She is the co-author of The Ethical Sellout: Maintaining Your Integrity in the Age of Compromise.
NicoTop AnswererTry to experiment with different labels and see what you are comfortable with—it’s possible you could be demiboy or bigender. Remember that being a guy doesn’t matter if you like being feminine, but you still want to be a guy, you can be a feminine guy and use he/they pronouns.
"This helped me label myself as abinary (am agender and non-binary hybrid-I also use they/xem) and I hope everyone gets the help figuring out their gender identity!"..." more
