How to Emotionally Connect with a Man

Whether you're trying to connect with your partner or another important man in your life, let's face it, some men just seem harder to connect with on an emotional level. They might have a different style of communicating or simply might need more time to feel connected. No matter who your special guy is, we'll give you concrete ways to build a deeper bond and create a great foundation for an emotional connection.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Getting to Know Him

1
Practice good listening skills when you’re with him. All people need to feel heard and men are no exception! If the man you’re with is sharing something with you, give him your undivided attention. Put down your cell phone, turn off the TV, turn towards him, and make eye contact. Listen carefully to what he’s saying and show that you’re listening by nodding your head.^{[1]XResearch source}
- You can also show that you’re listening by making neutral statements, such as “I see,” “go on,” and “mmhmm.”
- If something is unclear to you, ask him what he means, such as by saying something like, “When you said that your boss was angry all day, was it because of what your coworker did?”
2
Ask intriguing questions to learn more about him. If you’ve already exhausted the usual getting to know you questions about where he grew up, his family, friends, work, etc., then move on to more targeted questions. Asking off-the-wall questions will help to foster an emotional connection between the two of you. Some questions you might ask include:^{[2]XResearch source}
- What is the hardest you ever laughed?
- If you could be any fictional character, who would you be, and why?
- Have you ever had a supernatural experience? What happened?
- What’s the coolest vacation you’ve ever taken? What made it so amazing?
3
Ask him for help or advice when you need it. Some men find it easier to connect with someone when they’re providing a service or helping them in some way. Try asking the man for help with something to show him that you need him and give him a chance to demonstrate his problem-solving skills.^{[3]XResearch source}
- For example, you could ask for help if your computer is running slowly and you can’t figure out why, or ask him if he has any good music recommendations.
Tip: Even asking for small favors can allow him to demonstrate his value, such as by asking if he can give you a ride to work or school while your car is in the shop or asking him to bring you a cup of coffee.
4
Flirt and say sexy things to him if you’re attracted to him. Flirtation can help to foster an emotional connection in a man that you interested in romantically. Flirting and making sexy comments to him lets him know that you like him in a romantic way and this will help to boost his ego and make him feel more connected with you.^{[4]XResearch source}
- Try saying something like, “You look so hot in that shirt!” and then wink.
- Or, you could simply compliment a physical feature of his, such by saying, “I love your smile,” or, “You have the most gorgeous green eyes.”
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Deepening Your Connection

1
Show an interest in his hobbies and encourage him to make time for them. If he has a hobby that makes him feel happy, encourage him to spend more time on it. This will show him that you care about his happiness, which will make him want to spend more time with you and engage with you on a deeper level.^{[5]XResearch source}
- For example, if he loves reading, encourage him by getting him a gift card for a book store or e-books.
- If he has a favorite video game, watch him play and ask him about the game when he’s not playing.
2
Do fun things and laugh when you’re together. Having a great time when you’re with him will help to stimulate an emotional bond by giving him pleasant memories of your time together. Having fun and laughing also relieves stress, so he’ll feel relaxed when he spends time with you and this will make him want to do that more often.^{[6]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source}
- Try watching a funny movie or TV show together.
- Go for a walk or play a 1-on-1 game of basketball together.
- Engage in a shared interest, such as playing video games or cooking together.
3
Be affectionate with him to show him you care. Physical affection will show him that you care about him while also making him feel closer to you. Stroke his hair, hold his hand, massage his back, or just give him a hug. Use whatever kind of physical affection he likes to connect with him.^{[7]XResearch source}
- Keep in mind that not everyone appreciates physical affection. If he’s averse to being touched in certain ways, avoid them. For example, if he finds it irritating when you stroke his hair, don’t do it.
4
Imagine things from his perspective to better understand his emotions. Empathy is the ability to see things from another person’s perspective. Developing empathy takes practice since you have to step outside of yourself and look at the situation from the other person’s point of view. If you have a disagreement with him or your having trouble relating to him, try to put yourself into his shoes and see what he’s seeing.^{[8]XResearch source}
- For example, if he seems annoyed at you for asking him about his day, maybe he had a bad day and he doesn’t want to talk about it.
- Or, if he has just lost his job, consider how you would feel if you lost your job and what might help you to feel better.
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Avoiding Common Problems

1
Share more details about yourself gradually. Over-sharing too early in a relationship can dissolve the mystery and cause him to lose interest. To prevent this from happening, keep some details of your life a secret. Don’t tell him your life story within the first few weeks of knowing him.^{[9]XResearch source}
- For example, wait until you have forged an emotional bond with him to tell him about your childhood best friend, your old foot injury that still flares up when you exercise too hard, or that time you got lost at the zoo.
- To make yourself seem more mysterious, you might even hint that you’re not an open book, such as by saying, “The zoo is not my favorite place. I have my reasons, but that’s a story for another time.”
2
View conflicts as opportunities to build a deeper connection. If you have a fight with him over something, don’t give up on the relationship. Consider how you can improve your relationship as you work to resolve the conflict. Identify what the argument was about and what’s at the heart of it. Then, look for opportunities to learn and grow from this conflict.^{[10]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source}
- For example, if you get into an argument because he didn’t call you when he said he would, and he doesn’t see why it’s a big deal, then you might explain to him that it’s a big deal to you because communication is important to you or because you were worried when he didn’t call.
Tip: Watch for patterns in your arguments as well. If you often tend to fight over the same things, identify what they are and what is behind these arguments. For example, if you always fight about money, then the issue might be a difference in your spending habits or not being on the same page regarding spending and saving money.
3
Respect him by giving him his space and privacy. One of the best things you can do to foster a deeper emotional connection with a man is to avoid spending every waking moment with him. Plan activities with your friends and encourage him to do the same. You might also each need some alone time each week to rest and take care of personal tasks.^{[11]XResearch source}
- For example, if you spend time with him almost every day after school or work, then you might plan 1 night where you get together with your friends and he gets together with his friends. Then, you could also set aside at least 1 day or night per week to be alone and do things that you need to do to get ready for the week.
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Expert Q&A

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How would a mental illness impact my relationship with a man?
Elizabeth Weiss, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Elizabeth Weiss is a licensed clinical psychologist in Palo Alto, California. She received her Psy.D. in 2009 at Palo Alto University's PGSP-Stanford PsyD Consortium. She specializes in trauma, grief, and resilience, and helps people reconnect with their full self after difficult and traumatic experiences.
Elizabeth Weiss, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist
Expert Answer
It can impact the relationship quite profoundly, especially if this isn't something you've dealt with before. There are resources out there, but they can be hard to find and access. Aside from being there for your partner and being supportive, it's really important that you don't feel like it's your responsibility to manage their mental health. Do things you enjoy and take care of yourself while you're navigating this together.
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Tips

It takes time to build an emotional connection with someone, so try to be patient. Rushing into connecting emotionally may result in a superficial relationship. Allow the bond to build up slowly over time.
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