How to Determine Why an Autistic Child Acts Aggressive

It can be worrisome and confusing when an autistic child lashes out. Autistic children are not inherently aggressive, and just because a child acts aggressively now doesn't mean that they will be this way forever. Here is how to figure out why a child acts violently.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Understanding Aggression

1
Recognize that aggression is not part and parcel of autism. Autistic children are not automatically aggressive, and a child who acts out violently now may not do this forever.^{[1]XResearch source} Don't assume that this is par for the course—every autistic child is capable of being nonviolent in the right environment.
- Autistic children tend to be equally or less aggressive than other children on average, and are more reactive than proactive.^{[2]XTrustworthy SourcePubMed CentralJournal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of HealthGo to source}
- It's not uncommon for autistic kids to outgrow aggression.^{[3]XResearch source} See how you can help this happen.
2
Recognize general causes of aggression in children. Children act out for different reasons: because they are under severe stress, because they don't understand that it's harmful, or because they have learned it from others or experimentation.
- Severe distress. A child who is deeply upset may lash out. This may be caused by unmet needs, psychological disorders such as anxiety,^{[4]XTrustworthy SourceChild Mind InstituteNonprofit organization providing evidence-based care for children with mental health and learning disorders and their familiesGo to source} or mistreatment.
- Misunderstanding. Some sensory seekers hit because it feels good to them, and it doesn't occur to them that it feels bad to other people.
- Learned behavior. The child is treated aggressively and thus learns that this is okay, or they try it once and discover that it gets them what they want.
3
Look at disorders that could contribute to struggles with aggression. Some autistic children have co-occurring disorders that may make them more prone to violence.^{[5]XTrustworthy SourceChild Mind InstituteNonprofit organization providing evidence-based care for children with mental health and learning disorders and their familiesGo to source}^{[6]XResearch source} Even if they do have another disorder, keep in mind that there is still a deeper reason behind their actions.
- Oppositional defiant disorder
- Conduct disorder
- Anxiety
- ADHD and other conditions impacting impulse control
4
Recognize that sometimes physical issues can cause aggression. Take your child to the doctor for a comprehensive checkup, including blood panels. This is important even in children who can communicate well, because they may not understand or feel comfortable saying what is wrong. Aggression may have a physical source such as...
- Pain from a medical condition (headache, urinary tract infection, reflux, broken bone, etc.)^{[7]XResearch source}
- Food allergy/sensitivity
- Diet/nutrition problems
- Metabolic issues
5
Keep ABC records of each incident. Write down Antecedents, Behaviors, and Consequences. Look for patterns, especially in what triggers the behavior and how others respond to it. What could be changed?
- Pay close attention to whether adults are escalating or de-escalating the situation.
6
Ask autistic people for help. Autistic adults have brains that work similarly to your child's brain, so they may notice a problem in the child's life that you missed. Some of them may have acted out as kids and they can tell you what helped them.
- If possible, find an autistic mentor in the community who can meet your child and look at the environment.
- The internet houses a strong Autistic community full of people who are happy to help families like yours. Try posting anonymously about your child's problem in the hashtag #AskAnAutistic or #AskingAutistics, where autistic people can find you and offer advice.
Advertisement

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Identifying Interpersonal Causes

1
Watch for abuse and mistreatment. A child who is treated badly is going to have a lot of issues, including potential aggression. Keep in mind that parents are not the only ones who may be hurting the child—it may be perpetrated by family members, teachers, peers, or therapists. Many autistic people report experiencing therapy abuse in therapies such as ABA and DTT when they were younger.
- Do people ever hit or spank the child? Hitting encourages hitting.
- Are adults regularly unkind or mean to the child?^{[8]XResearch source} Do they hurt the child's self-esteem?
- Is therapy compliance-based instead of cooperative?
- Is the child ever grabbed or moved against their will? Are punishments harsh or painful (including sensory pain)? Does therapy involve power struggles or frequent tears?
- Is the child being trained to act unnaturally (i.e., to mimic the behaviors of non-autistics)? Do therapy goals include extinguishing all stimming, hugging/kissing on command, or becoming "indistinguishable from peers?"^{[9]XResearch source}
- Does the child witness or experience bullying?
2
Consider whether the child's communication is treated like it's important. If the child says something that is inconvenient to the adults around them, is it respected or ignored? A child needs to be able to bring up problems, and have them taken seriously.
- Do adults only listen if the child communicates in a certain manner? For example, they ignore body language but not speech, or ignore speech that isn't phrased "nicely." Sometimes autistic children are too stressed to be able to communicate with sophistication, and thus can't do it a certain way.
- Are their requests for help taken seriously? (This doesn't only apply to basic needs like water or food, but also help with situations like bullying.)
3
Pay close attention to what happens if a child says no. Even if it can't be honored (such as cases in which health/safety is at stake), a child needs to know that their protests are heard and respected. This helps them understand that adults will always listen to them, even in tough times.^{[10]XResearch source}
- Does the child know that they are allowed to say no and "I can't"? If not, teach them how to do it.^{[11]XResearch source}
- Is the child allowed to opt out of optional activities? For example, if they want to play alone, do adults force, cajole, or bribe them into playing with other children?
- If they need to do something they don't like, are any explanations given? Does the adult try to make adjustments to make it better, and do they explain why it has to happen?
- If something is uncomfortable or painful, do adults let them not do it? Or, if they have to do it, do adults do everything they can to make it more comfortable?
4
Look at whether the child's abilities are being respected. Adults should presume competence, assuming that the child is a good and capable person. Helpful adults encourage the child's independence, and let them make choices about their lives.
- Are they treated with respect, or with condescension?
- Are they being forced, bribed, threatened, or tricked into doing things they can't handle or aren't ready for?
- Are their strengths recognized, or are they spending all their lives working on their weaknesses?
- Are they given schoolwork that is challenging enough? Autistic children, especially nonverbal or barely verbal ones, are often underestimated.^{[12]XTrustworthy SourcePubMed CentralJournal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of HealthGo to source}
5
Consider whether the child's independence is supported. Every child needs control over parts of their lives, and the ability to do things themselves. The child should be allowed some choice over their clothing, food, free time, schedule, and other aspects of life.
- If you notice the child struggling, don't swoop in right away. Let them try to figure it out. If they are clearly having a hard time, say "If you need help, say 'I need help.'" Then help them if they ask for it, turn to you, or otherwise signal that they need help.
6
Consider adults know how to manage stress buildups and crises. Adults need to know how to notice stress in the child, and de-escalate instead of making it worse.
- Adults should be understanding, gentle, and kind when stress builds up. They should encourage the child to take a break to de-stress.
- Physical activity can reduce the urge to act aggressive.
- Repetitively thinking or hearing "Don't do ____" puts the image of doing the thing in the child's mind, so it can be counterproductive. Encourage the child to focus on a different action that causes no harm, such as putting their hands on their head.^{[13]XResearch source}
Advertisement

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Identifying Lifestyle Problems and Needed Skills

1
Recognize that sleep issues can impact mood and clear thinking. It's harder for a child to regulate their emotions if they hadn't slept well. Prioritize getting a good sleep, and talk with a doctor if needed. Fixing sleep problems may help reduce aggression.^{[14]XTrustworthy SourcePubMed CentralJournal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of HealthGo to source}^{[15]XResearch source}
2
Consider the child's ability to communicate. Children should be able to communicate basic needs and feelings from a young age, using either speech or AAC. If they can't communicate reliably, then they may be dealing with unmet needs and extreme frustration.
- Being able to communicate well is much more important than being able to speak. Speech should not be pushed at the expense of communication.
3
Consider if the sensory environment is overwhelming. Hypersensitive children may find a chaotic environment frightening and stressful, and this may manifest itself as aggression. A sensitive child should be given a calm, predictable environment.
- Remember that sensory pain is real pain, and children should be protected from it as much as possible. Don't try to desensitize a child without help from an occupational therapist trained in sensory integration therapy.
- Don't expect your child to "tough it out." This usually makes things worse.
4
Consider if their sensory needs are not being met. Some children need a lot of activity. Exercise is often a helpful outlet, and they should consider sports, swimming, hiking, martial arts, and other ways to stay active.
- Teach them that hitting, biting, and kicking hurts other people. The child might not know this, so break the news gently and firmly. Teach them to punch couches or push against walls instead of harming people.
- Encourage the child to spend lots of time exploring and running around outdoors.
- It may help to get some equipment such as trampolines, exercise balls, basketball hoops, swings, and other things they can use to burn off energy. If you see them getting restless, encourage them to go do one of these activities.
5
Consider the child's coping mechanisms and emotion regulation skills. This can range from basic anger management skills to using calming stims. If the child doesn't know how to deal with anger, frustration, overwhelm, or other difficult emotions, try using social stories to teach strategies. You can also model coping strategies, like taking deep breaths together.
- Helping a child learn to self-regulate can de-escalate situations, but it doesn't stop situations from ever happening. Make sure to work on root causes too.
Did You Know? Co-regulation is the act of helping a dysregulated child calm down by working together. Strategies include demonstrating coping mechanisms (like taking deep breaths together), asking questions about what's wrong, and validating their feelings. This helps de-escalate and helps the child learn self-regulation.^{[16]XResearch source}^{[17]XResearch source}
6
Take note of any major life events that might cause stress. Moving house, loss of a loved one (whether they died or simply left the child's life), going to a new school, divorce, trauma, and other large challenges may cause aggression and/or regression.
- Is your child particularly upset about some event in their lives? Autistic children may have difficulty labeling their feelings, so notice changes in behavior and what the child talks about.
- Did they have a recent change in behavior? Do you remember when?
7
Think about whether your child has enough downtime. Autistic children often need a lot of time to relax and recharge. This time is often best spent alone or one-on-one, doing an activity of the child's choice.
- Try making a calming down corner for your child, and encouraging them to retreat there when they are stressed or in need of relaxation.
- Everyone needs privacy sometimes. Make sure that your child is getting enough.
- Don't overdo therapy. Avoid giving them more than 2 hours per day. Your child also needs time to relax, have fun, and be a kid.
Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Search

Add New Question

Ask a Question

200 characters left

Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.

Submit

Tips

Some autistic people find it helpful to avoid even play violence, so that their body unlearns the motions of aggression.^{[18]XResearch source}
Thanks
Helpful0 Not Helpful0
A stressed child may find it helpful to wrap themselves in a blanket or crawl into a sleeping bag to make it harder to hurt themselves or others.^{[19]XResearch source}
Thanks
Helpful0 Not Helpful0
Autistic children may benefit from counseling if they are under emotional stress.
Thanks
Helpful0 Not Helpful0